Aardvarks to Planet X (book 1 of the hexology in seven parts)
Chapter 3: Advivum

Simon woke with a pounding headache; still you didn’t go on a stag night every weekend. His blurry eyes tried to make sense of the other recumbent figures in the room, why was it swaying so? And then it hit him, it wasn’t a room, he was in a van. What had his best man Tony done? I’d better not find any tattoos Simon thought as he struggled to raise himself at least into a sitting position. His tongue felt like he had swallowed a carpet and that puddle of carrots in the corner accounted for the empty rumbling feeling in his stomach, but who were these people crashed out around him. He still felt dizzy, would he be able to get to the wedding, if not, he shuddered to think what Mary would say. On reflection Simon decided a stag night only hours before your wedding was probably a mistake.

Then the van ground to a halt, and as the morning light swept in it blinded Simon. He could just make out the silhouettes of his companions rising. Awoken by the sun and staggering out on wobbly legs he followed the crowd. The dust-strewn sunlight was almost too much for Simon and he had to shield his eyes, but he was stirred in to action when the whirr of the electronic motor told him of the departing van.

“Merde” he screamed, this day could surly get no worst. As he grew accustomed to the light he realised that apart from the few buildings a short way off he was literally in the middle of nowhere. Thinking has quick as he could; he turned to one of his companions. “How do I get back to town buddy? Did Tony pay you to Shanghai me for a joke?” The nearest man just looked at him and then replied, “my name is Andrew not buddy and I think we are on the Moorhouse ranch not this place you call Shanghai.” S~ᴇaʀᴄh the (ꜰind)ɴʘvel.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

Simons jaw dropped, they had to be androids. How had he gotten in with a crowd of them, but before he could pull himself together a man and a woman strode up to the group. “My name is Ann Droid, only joking it’s Sara Moorhouse and you will be working here for the next six months. Today we will be showing you around the farm.” Simon raised his hand and blurted out “are you an android?” “No that was only a joke” the woman replied a bit stymied, they usually didn’t respond to jokes perhaps this was a new model. The company was always upgrading the product. “You see,” continued Simon, “I’m not one either.”

Sara took a closer look but of course that proved little, the synthetic life corporation made them a little too well these days. She turned to Hank. “This one’s good, we may need a Turing shroud test.” Hank shrugged. “You know Billy’s the only one qualified on that, and he’s off for the weekend what with his dad being ill.” Simon having heard all this pushed forward. “But I’m telling you I’m human and I’ve got to get back to town by four, I’m getting married.” Sara turned to Hank “done the head count?” “Yep a bakers dozen, unlucky for someone.” Turning to Simon, Sara addressed him personally. “O.K. Simon you come with me while Hank shows these fellows round the farm” and with a knowing nod to Hank she strode off with Simon in tow.

“If you could just step in here.” Sara indicated a door in the main building. Simon did and was surprised to get it slammed behind him, he turned to get out but a click of finality told him he was trapped, so he looked about. The room was bare except for a plastic chair, but was at least clean and decorated. Outside Sara was looking for Fred the mechanic, she found him in the garage working on a tractor. “Fred we’ve got a problem, one of the units says it’s a human. I think it’s angling to escape, can you keep an eye on it while I go phone for help. Why Billy’s dad had to go ill on an induction day.”

The mechanic started to clean the oil off his hands. “Sure, it’s a pity Billy’s not here to do the test. Say why do they call it the Turing Shroud test anyway, I thought that was some kind of holy relic?” Fred had got a good lather up now. Distractedly his boss replied. “It’s from an old test called the Turing test, to see if a computer could fool someone on the other end of a screen and key board set up. To think it was just a human typing away. When they started on androids that looked real enough, they wanted to make sure they could tell that they were androids. So they came up with the test Turing but unshoruded so to speak, but nowadays I don’t know.”

She shook her head. “I think one day a real android may pass the test, then we won’t know who’s who.” Fred dried his hands and snorted. “Well when that day comes there’ll be some red faces. After all doesn’t this business of unpaid labour strike you as wrong?” Sara rounded on him. “If it wasn’t for the health and safety laws trying to reduce agricultural accidents it wouldn’t have got to this.

But your right, I’ve read uncles toms cabin and under all the rest there’s the freedom of the individual, if they finally become sentient.” Frank finally put down the towel. “I know, I got that feeling of bile rising in my throat, and then I remembered the civil war.A debt paid back in blood, let just hope it never comes to that.” He followed Sara out as she continued. “We humans think of the relationship as superior being and lesser, where the superman must care of those less well evolved.” “Very Nietzscheistic, but didn’t a young Austrian artist take that thought to a very dark end?”

“Only if you take the paving stones of good intention and lay them wrong. Anyway if you look how long it’s taken us to evolve to where we are, and compare their progress.” Frank finished her thoughts. “It makes you wonder who’ll be the supermen of the future.” Sara shared a knowing look with Frank. “Just see he’s alright, but don’t let him out. There’d be hell to pay if a unit got lost; we only rent them after all. I’m going to phone the company and see what we can do.” Then leaving Frank she strode round to the front.

Sara made the connection on the videophone and soon got through to professor Shroud’s assistant, a pale youth. “Our records show thirteen units should have been shipped out to you. So your numbers tally.” “But he claims to be human and the only one on the ranch qualified in the T.S. test is away with a sick relative.” The young man looked peeved at this news. “Well it’s the only test you’ve got with out expensive equipment, and don’t go damaging it.” “Oh no” reassured Sara. “I know the warranty on the units is only for accidental damage, but we can’t just let him go, he claims he’s got a wedding to attend.” “No” the assistant agreed, “can’t have an expensive machine just go missing.” Sara stared into the screen. “But what if he’s really human, think of the law suit if he were to claim for false imprisonment. Can’t you administer the test over the video phone?” The man shook his head. “I’m afraid not, television can be deceptive. I couldn’t guarantee an accurate result unless I were there in person.”

Just then Frank wondered in. “He says he wants a glass of water, recons he’s hung over. And get this, can we drive him back to town. Doesn’t that just take the biscuit, as an escape plan the audacity is amazing.” Sara turned to the screen. “Can he have water, it’s a basic human right, but will it break an android?” The assistant checked his sheets. “No that group has the realistic digestive tract we’ve been developing. Put unwanted food in one end and out comes fertiliser. Bacteriological action, so water will do no harm.”

“See to it” Sara asked Frank and he rushed off. “While you’re on”, continued the technician. “Do you have any problems with hobbying? I mean non profitable pursuits, it’s a side effect of the android mind.” Sara sighed, “Yes some corn weaving and a little whittling, but I find a firm hand works. I’m not cruel, I know that would be wrong and lowers production. I find singing increases their productivity. The man made a note. “Good, well I can think of nothing until your man gets back”, and he rang off.

Wringing her hands Sara went to see Simon, but only got half way there when she found Frank staggering towards her all covered in dust. “He surprised me. When I’d given him the cup of water he bolted and knocked me flying.” Sara full of concern for her human helper strode up to him. “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?” Frank shook his head. “No, just surprised me that’s all.” Then he brushed the dust off. “He’s headed towards the road, shouldn’t be to tricky to find.” Sara thought, “O.K. you get the tractor and I’ll grab my motor bike, but don’t hurt him. Either way could be bad.” She ran to the bike standing by the front. Kicking it into life Sara sped down the track, to the sound of Fred starting up the tractor.

Simon was at the end of his tether; these maniacs actually thought he was an android. He had to get to his wedding or Mary would be so upset, it just wasn’t fair. “I’ll kill that Tony when I get my hands on him”, he cried to himself, as Simon stumbled through the dusty field. Off in the distance a motor had started up, dam they had started a pursuit already. He knew he had not done much harm to that man with the water, no sense in getting done for assault but still he just had to get away. Simon was almost out of breath and at his wits end.

Nowhere to hide and no plan, and then the sound of the motorbike got louder. Simon just sank to his knees crying out. “Just let me go, please”, but the unseen hunter kept their distance, and another motor sound heralded more pursuers. “Hold it there fellow, we mean you no harm but you can’t just go running off, besides it’s miles to town.” Sara approached the prostrate figure sobbing in the dirt. If only she could know at this moment if she were staring at a man or a machine. Reaching for his shoulder she remembered a line of the bard. “There is no darkness but ignorance”.

Simon stiffened for he knew these words too. “Shakespeare, I’ll give you Shakespeare. If you cut me do I not bleed?” Then taking up a jagged rock, he sliced his palm. Thick red blood splattered on to the dirt. Sara gasped and Frank jumping down pressed a rag to Simon’s hand. “You just bought your freedom pal”, and helping him up they returned to the house.

Simon sat on the porch nursing his bandaged hand, while Sara and Frank fussed about him. He suddenly asked, “now can I get a lift to my wedding?” As if in answer to his question the sound of an electric van pulling up heralded his lift to freedom. “Hey, I got another of your androids in the back” the driver called from the cab. “Looks like it didn’t activate when I came this morning.”

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