And her name is…
Chapter twenty - Stronger

Half an hour later I’m wearing a warm coat and forcing my crippled feet into moccasins to go outside. The air is crisp and I can tell I’m smiling by how much my face hurts. No one but Nyx is with me and she isn’t armed, no one is following us (as per her command), and I’m dying torunthough I think it might kill me.

I don’t feel safe, I don’t really trust anyone enough to let all of my guards down, but I’m not being chased. If they wanted me they have me, andif they were going to tell Kheliq they already have. I am in a blissful state of having no fucks left to give, I am as free as I will ever be here, and I’moutside.

I canfeelthe life around me, and from being underground surrounded by concrete and the same twenty men for three years it is a welcome change. My hands pass over different trees and plants and the leaves start to fall off of our turn to dust and float away. I can carefully and slowly weave the energy into mine and I feel it lace into my being like a tapestry.

Nyx lags a little behind me and when I turn I realize she’s watching me walk.

“Do your feet hurt?” She asks me and I stumble.

“Yes?” I return easily. “Everything hurts, basically all the time. My ribs and hands do feel better than they did though.”

She frowns and I slow down to walk beside her. “We’ll have to regularly treat your injuries for the healing to be permanent.”

“You don’t need to waste your time,” I assure with a smile. “Broken bones bury the same as perfect ones.”

She stops and I halt in my own steps with my hand curled around a fern in my path. Her eyes look close to tears and I panic.

“No Nyx, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” I beg. “I’m sorry.”

I put my hands out and pull them back in, and then repeat the movement, unsure whether to give her a hug. Honestly I’m more unsure if I’m actually a hugger, but as her lip starts to warble I close the space between us and hug her.

“Please don’t cry,” I beg again.

She chuckles softly and squeezes me tightly. “Don’t die over Kheliq, he isn’t worth it.”

“What happens, happens,” I return. “But if you want to fix my bones I’ll let you, ok?”

She nods against my shoulder and I relax a little, but as I do I realize I’ve lowered my guard and stiffen again. I pull away from her and look around us, hoping that I would be able to sense if anything was off but I know I wouldn’t. Nyx notices everything, of course she does with her big round eyes and who knows how many years of experience behind her, but she doesn’t say anything.

Instead she waits patiently for me to check our surroundings several times before she asks. “Would you like to see the library?”

I almost gawk that they have a library, but of course they would so I just nod. Nyx lights up and takes my arm over hers to lead me back. She describes the room to me with the mage lights set on top of carved candles so they look like they’re burning forever. The whole walk she tells me about the rows of bookshelves crammed into a room not thought out well, but when I walk in I’m still surprised.

The room looks like an after thought and is surprisingly absent of people. There are so many bookshelves crammed into the small space that I wonder how anyone ever finds anything. The windows that run the side wall are nearly entirely hidden by the shelves and that’s why there are so many mage lights to light up the space.

“Everyone just takes the books they want to read somewhere else to read them. No one likes hanging out in here because it’s cramped and cold. The fire place is buried behind the shelves somewhere, but it would be a bit of a hazard anyway,” Nyx informs me.

She walks me through the room and shows me how they’ve attempted to organize it. I can see fading papers tacked into the shelves to show history, fiction, and the other sections. We browse for a bit but I return to history to see what’s changed since my mom’s time here.

Before we go I have a stack of five books to bring to my room and then it’s time for lunch. I eat, I return to my room to read, dinner, Nyx comes to my room to work on my feet, and then I read through the evening.

Each day after involved all of the same sorts of activities. I eat well, I take walks outside with Nyx and sometimes Vera, I explore the house and property, I read, and Ignacio makes me sit through magic lessons. He’s never asked how much I know, or what simple magics I can do aside from my affinity, so it always surprises him when I can do what he asks without much work.

To be honest, I already know it all, but I’ve been too weak to use any of it for a while, and before that I didn’t want them to know. None of these simple magics would have helped me escape and would only have increased the questions and security. It feels good to be able to live more like I did before, but every time I feel a small amount of joy the guilt quickly rushes into the spot it was trying to settle into. The weight on my shoulders only presses down firmer every time I smile.

Just as no one asks how much I know, or how much I was taught, no one questions the books I sequester off to my room. The languages vary greatly across the six kingdoms and I am well versed but I have needed to check more than a few words. No one asks how I can read all their books, and I’m glad I don’t need to make up a lie.

Around five days in I’m strong enough that Tiago encourages me to try and gain some muscle back, and I reluctantly give in. We work out after my walk with Nyx when I’m at my strongest. Still, I’m sore as hell the first two days, and feel out right pathetic compared to the hulking man beside me who could bench me and my pathetic weight with just one of his massive arms.

“I’m not improving,” I huff on my week-iversary of being kidnapped/rescued by this ragtag group of rebels.

Is rebels the right word? They’re not quite a rebellion, though they are planning a coo of sorts.

He chuckles at me. “You are actually, I think I can see a little bit of a bump there.” He leans in and mocks a pair of glasses on the end of his nose while he looks at my arm.

“Shut up!” I bark and swing at him.

He catches my hand easily but smiles. “Maybe next week I’ll teach you how to throw a punch. That wouldn’t have hurt a fly.”

“Won’t be here next week,” I remind him. “Ignacio’s brother is coming today and I’m going to the Sun Rise court.”

He frowns now, still hating that plan. “You’re a fighter and you’re determined, I’ll give you that. But have you considered, it might already be too late?” His words are gentle but they still sting. “You said you were there six years, yea? And he never brought them down to your cell block? Not even to taunt you?” He rests a hand on my shoulder but I shake it off.

“So what? Kheliq is hardly a strategist. Maybe he has them as house keepers and forgot where they even came from…” I know I’m stretching, but the hope that they’re alive is helping me keep my head above water.

“I’m just saying there’s no need to rush. What he hasn’t done in one week he won’t do in two. And you could be right, he might just have them off around the house cleaning and things. You’re no good to them if you’re dead is all I’m saying, and if you can’t even throw one good punch…” he smirks at me and jabs me in the side with a finger. “You better hope that affinity doesn’t fail you.” Sᴇaʀch Thᴇ FindNʘᴠᴇl.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

He’s right. I know he’s right. But I have a hard time saying anyone is right when it’s not what I want. However, I was trapped there for a long ass time just due to the fact that my affinity has a very small working radius and swords, arrows, cross bows, javelins, basically any weapon except a dagger put them in killing range of me and out of my reach.

“We’ll see what his brother says. I make no promises,” I say precisely but he still smiles, hope gleaming in his eyes.

“How about I take you up a trail along the hill outside the house. It’ll get your stamina up to walk further and longer, and then your lungs won’t give out on you quite so quickly.” His offer still sounds like so much work, but I like it more than sitting here and lifting these tiny weights and struggling so openly.

I nod but on our way out Nyx catches us and scolds me. “I just did your feet last night and they were almost as bad as the first time I did them. You were hobbling from our little walk this morning. Do you really think ahikeis the right choice?”

“No Momma Nyx,” I groan and she smirks at me.

“That’s right.” She smirks. “Work on your arms. I don’t think you could hurt a fly.”

I grumble at her but Tiago laughs, “that’s what I said.”

“Well that has shattered all my desire to do anything,” I admit after she’s walked away. “I am going to go bathe and then read until I can’t see straight.”

“What is it you’re reading?” Tiago asks, following after me toward our bedrooms.

I shrug, “I don’t know, something about how the boarders have changed over the last hundred years. It’s the last one from the history shelf that I grabbed and it doesn’t have what I hoped it would in it.”

He nods like he’s sure it’s a bore, and it is. Once we get to the room I realize I’ve dropped my key and separate from Tiago to go check for it along the way we’d come. My head is down as I search the stairs and when I turn to head toward where we’d run into Nyx I bump into someone.

“I’m not going hiking I swear,” I start to laugh, thinking it’s Nyx again but I look up to see someone new.

It’s a tall man and he looks like Ignacio, well built with light hair and red-orange eyes. I look over his attire and feel underdressed for an event I’m not attending, but he looks me over in the same way. I find myself taking a step back and I fold my arms over my chest.

“You must be Helion,” I say, not offering my hand because I don’t think he’ll take it.

He looks me over and smirks a devilish little grin. “I am, and who, darling, are you?”

“Brother!” Ignacio calls, coming down the stairs beside me and I hold Helion’s eyes with mine. “I see you’ve already met Theodosine…”

“Not really,” I admit. “I just ran into him, literally. I dropped the key to my room, have you seen it?”

“Your room?” Helion asks and I look at Ignacio briefly.

“Are you trying to tell me I’m not welcome here?” I return, hiding my clenched fists under my folded arms.

“Of course he’s not! Helion..” Ignacio warns him with a glare.

“What? No, I’m sorry, please excuse my rudeness,” Helion back pedals and I eye him up and down.

“You’re excused,” I return. “I’m sure we’ll talk more at dinner, but I was trying to go have a shower so I need to find that key.”

I try to move passed him but he holds out his arm and stops me. I’m about ready to snap at him when he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a key.

“Ooo thank you,” I grin taking a step back to take the key but he pulls it out of my reach.

He’s starting to frustrate me and I hear that nagging thought in the back of my mind. I haven’t heard this thought in years, but as my strength returns so does this voice. I push it back but I feel Ignacio coming up behind me like he senses it was there whispering to me.

“Helion, don’t be an ass,” he says, resting his hand on my lower back in warning.. or support.

I let my power leak out a little and watch his eyes as he tries to figure out what’s happening. After a second I think he thinks it’s Ignacio who is showing his strength and he deposits the key into my hand. I curl my fingers over his as I accept it and reinstate my grin.

“Is the attitude because I didn’t call youking?” I ask. “I wouldn’t hold your breath waiting for that honorific. My experiences haven’t left any room for respect towards the patriarchy.”

“Of course not. What you must have gone through… I can’t imagine.” He reaches to take my hand and he kisses it before I have the sense to pull away. “Theodosine, I’m sorry, please accept my apology. I look forward to working with you to make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone else like he hurt you.”

“Don’t get too attached. My life is only as valuable as his death, and I hear you can help with that?” I say, flashing him a crooked smile.

I love when men grovel.

He clears his throat. “I can. Though I was talking to Ignacio earlier, I thought you were trying to rescue someone?”

I nod affirmatively. “My first priority is finding them and getting them out, but all paths my plan can take result in Kheliq dying. He is a trash being and you can’t convince me otherwise.”

“And you want to leave.. when?” Helion confirms.

“If immediately is an option I’ll take that.”

“What if I can find out if your friends are there at all, and find a way to keep him from killing them?” He reasons. “In about a month he is hosting a party. It’ll be much easier to get in then, and out.” I don’t say anything, thinking about how he could possibly determine that. “Think on it. I’m sure we can come up with a better plan than sending you to your death.”

He reaches to my face and I step back, but he has a wistful expression as he stares into my eyes. He looks at me like he’s seen me before. It’s almost a look oflonging. I don’t understand it and stretch my neck to the side as both a distraction and to try and bring the conversation away from being so serious.

“I mean, worst case scenario is I live long enough to fear my death, but you get the information and we’ll talk.” I turn to head back to my room, hearing the brother’s muttering behind me in a heated discussion.

I don’t pay much mind to them. I will go on my own if I need to, as soon as I have the strength for the trek. I don’t see Tiago taking me there with his affinity, but we do havesomuch in common, including our hatred of Kheliq.

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