Avenge
Needing Self Love

Third day in this room. I am losing my mind. I need out. I tried once but Zion escorted me back to my room. Ugh! I hate just sitting. I am not physically hurt. I stare in the room thinking of something or some way to do something. I am bored out of my ever-loving mind.

Wheelchair. That’s one way. I sat in the wheelchair and decided to roll over to Jackson’s room. I knocked lightly but no answer. I decided to just open the door and go in. I know he is getting discharged today maybe he can roll me somewhere.

I see him standing staring out the window. I could tell there was a lot on his mind.

“Jackson?” I question.

He turns and looks at me with a blank stare but many emotions are boiling under the surface.

“Jackson, what is wrong?” I ask.

“Ciana, this time I am going to talk and you are just going to listen. I have had a lot on my mind the last three days.” He began and I could tell this was about to get very serious.

“I understand the pain you have felt over the years because you are not the only one who has had to feel that pain. You are not the only one who lost family, friends, everyone that we knew.” He took a seat facing me.

“You almost died Ciana. You are all this pack knows anymore. They look up to you. You have buried your problems so far down you had a panic attack that almost cost you your life. The thing is I do not think you quite understand.” He says with pain and anger in his voice.

“I cannot do it anymore Ciana. I will not watch you kill yourself. I understand you want vengeance but you acting as if you are dying after this without a thought of anyone else including me. I love you like my sister and I always will but I will not lose you too.”

He said with tears brimming his eyes and he walked out of the room leaving me alone.

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like my world was closing in on me. My heart picked up speed at a rapid pace. I was breathing heavily but it felt like I wasn’t getting any air in my lungs.

My world was crumbling and I could do nothing to stop it.

I then felt a warm hand on my shoulder causing sparks to spread through my body. I knew who it was.

“Ciana, look at me. Focus on only me. Breathe. Count with me now. Breathe. One. Breathe again. Two.” Zion says soothingly. sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ (F)indNƟvᴇl.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

As I focused on his voice and his eyes I was in a trance. The world disappears leaving only us two in that moment.

Slowly, I began to regain steady breath. My heart returned to its normal pace. Easily things were calming down around me.

“Ciana, are you alright?” He asks.

“I am now. Thank you.” I say quietly.

“What happened?” He asks with concern.

“Honestly I do not understand it myself. Can I go back to my room? I need to be alone for a few moments.” I ask him.

“Of course. I will take you.” He says gently and slowly pushes the chair back to my room where I return to my bed. I gave him a small smile in thanks and entered into deep thought.

Aella was not responding to me. I knew it was not out of anger or anything. This was for me to figure out myself. This was my issue. She wasn’t having a mental breakdown I was. To fix this I needed to be the one to do it, not her.

I could only stare at the ceiling as I let my thoughts travel to help me understand what I needed to do. But there were others I needed to consider in the process.

Hours have passed and I finally think I figured out a solution.

It is out of my comfort zone but I think it will be good for me and Aella. Jackson is right and I must consider the pack as well as myself. If I am not mentally okay then I am putting my pack at risk themselves.

We are doing this to avenge the ones we have already lost. I do not want to be the reason to lose another pack member ever again.

‘Stone Heart. I need everyone to meet me in front of the pack house in ten minutes.’ I link to all my pack members.

In the same moment of shutting off the link, I felt his presence entering the room once again.

"Zion, I need to go to the packhouse, please. I have an announcement.” I say to him calmly.

“If you are up for it. I will walk with you if you do not mind.” I hear him say in return.

“Thank you that will be fine,” I say and I swear I see a smirk forming on his lips.

I have noticed that Aella is much happier with our mate nearby. I need to consider her as well and compromise. Small steps will work.

We began walking towards the pack house and I could feel Aella’s happiness as we walked alongside Zion. I knew he was probably enjoying it as well.

I see everyone gathered outside the house looking confused and worried about what needs to be discussed.

I stood in front of them in silence trying to gather the courage to speak and make my announcement but my heart began to thump so loud it was all I could hear. My body felt hot and my hands began to get sweaty.

I felt sparks running down my back and the feeling instantly calmed my speeding heart. I looked over to Zion sharing a grateful smile. He nodded his head for me to continue and I knew he was there for me if I were to have another attack.

I took a deep breath and decided it was now or never.

“Thank you all for joining me. There is something I need to inform you of. With everything that has happened as you all know I have a lot of work I need to do on myself.

Things are going to be difficult but after a great person told me that it is about more than just me. Everything is at risk if I do not fix my issues. I have to put you all first. No matter what.

I know it will be different and will be difficult but please understand it is in your best interests. I love you all and I hope you understand.

From this moment on Jackson will now be your Alpha as I will be stepping down until this is all over.” I say to the pack.

Gasps and whispers were heard and my eyes were on Jackson who at this moment was in complete shock. To be honest I think I am in shock myself. I know if I stay here any longer I will break down in tears. I turned and began walking away to get some space from everything. I only hope I am making the right decision.

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