Back and Stronger: Alpha's Daughter
Chapter 44

She tried her best to ignore the towering shadow standing over her, leaning with a monumental portentous weight against her. The more Sophia tried to push it from her mind, the more it seemed to recline on top of her.

She’d tried fucking everything already! She had thought that maybe if she could keep herself busy that the horrible feeling would dissipate from her chest a little, so she cleaned the house, washed the dishes that had been stacking up all day, made her bed, as well as Scott’s even, washed the bedding that Connor had used on the couch, and she even tried to read that spy novel again.

When none of those really paid off, her desperation was abundantly obvious to her when she even tried to improve her aim on Call of Duty. But the shooting and sounds of machine guns going off around her in the game only served to remind her what Neil and Scott had gone out to do. There was no use in denying it, as they’d left with so much gear and weapons that she would truly have been an ignorant fool if she didn’t see it for what it so obviously was.

Stubbornly ignoring the looming sense of foreboding served no purpose anymore either, and even less so, Sophia realized, was for her to keep dwelling on what it might have meant for Neil and Scott.

Did it mean that they were in trouble? Did they make a mistake by going wherever they went tonight? Though she wondered about this, Sophia just knew that they had also gone to this camp Victoria and Connor had told them about. She just knew in her heart of hearts that Neil and Scott would never leave the people they cared about to walk to their deaths, despite the outright refusal they’d given them that they wouldn’t go and help.

When she felt her worry for them threatening to overwhelm her again, she shook her head in an attempt to shake her mind free of it. They were two grown-ass military-trained men, for crying out loud! They knew better than her what they were able to take on, and they sure as hell didn’t need to tell her anything.

They had left her here alone, and out of the loop. But. So. Freaking. What. It wasn’t like she could do anything to help them in any case, so it technically made no difference whether she knew where they had gone, or what they were planning to do. The fact of the matter was, that Sophia was a sitting duck at the apartment whether they’d told her or not. Sᴇaʀch Thᴇ Findɴovel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

She was becoming more and more aware of this now as she sat on the couch waiting, wringing her hands, biting her lip, and feeling her anger at the two males starting to fade as she thought about everything.

She hadn’t just been angry at them because they didn’t tell her anything, she was angry because she cared about them and knew that they only wanted to keep her ignorant because they wanted to protect her and not let her worry.

But Sophia had just realized as she sat there, with the shadow still prodding at her solar plexus, that she was mostly furious not because they didn’t tell her anything and wanted to protect her, but because by doing that they had effectively made her feel like she was still a victim.

Yes, she’d been a victim for a very, very long time. A useless ghost of a girl unable to look after or stand up for herself. She’d been a cowering little mouse like the one she’d had in her basement room, pulling back into her dark hole whenever the smallest sound or movement frightened her.

But Sophia had surely grown since then. The very two males she was worried over and somewhat still a little angry at, were also the ones responsible for not only strengthening her physically, but mentally as well. They’d instilled so much confidence into her ability to heal from her trauma and had helped her through it most of the way that she’d felt like she had regained part of her old personality back.

She had felt like more of a complete person in the past weeks she’d spent with them than she’d felt in almost six years, and that was all thanks to them. But clearly, they still couldn’t see past that helpless, frail, and scared little girl she’d been whenever they looked at her.

In many ways, she still was if she really got down to thinking about it. She’d been hiding in this apartment for so long, under the illusion that if she could remain within its blanket of warmth, that she wouldn’t have to face her past again.

Did she truly think that she could just stay here forever and that all her troubles would fade away into nothing?

Suddenly ashamed at herself for blaming Neil and Scott for making her feel like she was a victim. They were just reacting protectively to what they saw in front of them, and the fact was that she hadn’t given them any other reason than to think that she was still incapable of handling harsh realities and facing them yet.

This was all on her and her alone. Sophia could blame no one else other than herself that she was still being treated like an incompetent girl that only needed to be treated with care, and be protected the whole time.

Somehow, she felt the anger from before being suddenly transformed into more love and appreciation for the two men that had done everything for her. Sophia had thought that her affection and gratitude toward them had been strong before, she felt it grow into something indescribably stronger at that moment, if that was even possible.

They had given her everything she needed to heal after all, and they’d done so in abundance, and had put themselves at risk for her. But Sophia made the decision then and there; no more would she make them feel like they needed to keep doing that for her. No longer would they think that they needed to keep her in the dark to protect her. No longer would they leave her behind anymore.

She could almost feel a smile starting to form on her lips as she thought about it. No longer would she cower and prefer to not think about what she needed to do. No longer would they see a girl that was still healing.

From now on she would make sure that they saw her differently. From now on Sophia promised herself that she would not let them see anything other than a strong, independent, and capable woman. Ferocious and dangerous even. This made her smile grow even more, at the thought of Neil looking at her with astonished reverence – and even fear.

Yes, this was the new Sophia from now on! She was dead set on proving to them that they never have to feel like they need to stack soft cushions around her to protect her.

They obviously thought Victoria was one of them and that she could handle herself in any situation. Sophia remembered how they’d talked to and treated her, with undeniable deference and admiration, as the female clearly had the confidence and attitude that demanded it, and no doubt the reputation.

Sophia knew that she would have to exude the message of her inner courage and authority like she saw Victoria did if she expected anyone else to see her that way as well. If she wanted to be treated any differently, she herself was going to have to demand that, not in words, but through who she was on the inside.

It had to be so strong within her that it wouldn’t be able to do anything else but shine outward from the very depths of her soul. Her newfound assuredness of the Sophia she wanted to be, and wanted them to see, needed to shine through her eyes, her posture, her body language, her voice, the way she walked, and the very way she thought of herself even.

At that moment, it was as though a decision just clicked into place and she felt the worry leave her. The stalking shadow was retreating as well. Which all just made the knowledge of what she needed to do now so much clearer and self-evident.

All of this just reminded Sophia about the story she’d read in one of Neil’s spy novels a while ago, which might also have been what inspired this new kind of thinking within her in the first place. But she remembered reading how the main character had to change her physical appearance on the outside in order for her to have felt different about herself on the inside. It was as though that was all she’d needed to carry that change forward within herself.

It was like the main character had just needed that one simple little nudge to change the whole perception she’d had of herself. And that was exactly what Sophia needed to do! She needed to change the way she looked to kickstart the change within herself!

Running to her room, she started dressing in dark clothes to blend in with the night if need be, and tied her hair into a messy bun like Neil usually did, and covered her head with one of his many black beanies. She didn’t want anyone to recognize her with her platinum blond hair, which had always been a defining feature of hers, one of the many things that set her apart from all the rest, except her mother. Her mother had had the same color hair as her.

Sophia grabbed the emergency stash of money Neil had shown her that he kept in the back of his sock drawer, and was out of the apartment before she could allow any creeping doubts to come and make her reconsider what she wanted to do. What she needed to do.

As she walked down the street, not sure where she needed to go to get to a drugstore, she figured she could watch out for signs. Other than that, the moment Sophia found herself walking outside she realized that she’d left the safety of the apartment of her own volition.

This instantly filled her with such a thrill of self-empowerment that she didn’t particularly care what direction she needed to be traveling in. She knew she’d eventually end up somewhere where she could buy what she needed to execute her plan, she just needed to keep moving.

Not even the fear of getting lost was going to stop her now. She was going to find a store where she could buy dark dye and scissors for her hair and new make-up. She knew that she was going to have to wear darker eyeshadows, mascara, and eyeliners if she wanted to really get her point across. Not to mention, changing her appearance so drastically would be the perfect disguise for her so that she could leave the apartment whenever she wanted to as well.

But her main focus and goal, for now, was to transform herself into a woman that looked dangerous, mysterious, and someone that anyone would think twice about messing with. Sophia was going to make herself look like the badass female she knew she wanted to feel like on the inside. She would do it so that her inner-self could start truly believing it too.

Even just imagining how she was going to look and conduct herself according to her new look, already made her confidence soar.

Never again would she feel like a helpless victim, no matter what happened to her from here on out. The Sophia she’d known before had died, and her reincarnated version would do things differently. Be and act differently. This new version would show everyone, but most importantly herself, that they’d been completely wrong about her all along.

Sophia felt herself picking up pace as she saw a neon sign that looked promising in the distance.

Her chance to metamorphose herself was within reach. Tonight was the night things would change, and nothing had ever felt more inevitable… More right…

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