Beautiful Sinner: a standalone forbidden romance (Beautiful Series)
Beautiful Sinner: Chapter 20

“ARE YOU OKAY?” she asks, trying to keep up with me, but I can’t slow down. My mind is racing. My heart is still trying to beat itself out of my fucking chest, and my legs are just keeping up with the pace. I’m afraid if I stop moving, I’ll realize what just happened. As if I could deny it.

Her soft hand hooks around my arm and pulls me back. “What is wrong with you?”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong with me?” A couple passes us on the opposite side of the street, and I wave politely before turning Cadence down a quiet alley where they can’t hear us. “You think I do stuff like that everyday? You think I’m just going to go on with my life like I didn’t just fuck up so royally I could have ruined everything I’ve worked for?”

She scoffs. “Are the priest police coming for you? What about last night? Was that more okay? You were knuckle-deep in my—”

I press my hand over her mouth and corner her against the brick wall. “Don’t you fucking say it.” Her eyes are round and full of surprise, but then I feel her relax in my arms, and suddenly I want to relax too. Touching her body has that effect on me.

It softens my resolve. It hardens other things.

My fingers are over her lips, and I try to memorize the way they feel. They were just wrapped around my cock like it was the most normal thing in the world. It definitely was not. It shattered the earth under my feet.

Quickly, I let her go. I have no clue where things could go, so I need to be more careful. “Don’t you do that again, you hear me?”

Her eyes widen again, and just as I turn back to resume walking home, she grabs my arm again. “You think this is my fault?”

“I wasn’t exactly shoving my dick in your mouth, Cadence.”

A loud, offended gasp echoes against the narrow alleyway. I wait for her to slap me, but she doesn’t have to. Her hurt expression pains me enough.

“I thought you liked it.”

“Of course I fucking liked it, Cadence, but is that what you want from me? Blowjobs behind closed doors? You want to be someone’s dirty fucking secret? What happened to the girl who pushed me away last night? You knew then that this could not go anywhere. Remember that?”

“I thought you wanted me,” she snaps back, her voice full of more charge than before. I feel myself breaking, my temper rising. Pushing her back against the wall, watching for passersby, I grasp her chin between my fingers. “Of course, I fucking want you, but how long are you going to lure in men with a blowjob and a piece of ass, huh? How long will that last? You think they’ll love you after that?”

She shoves against me, and I spot the moisture in her eyes. “Let go of me.”

It only makes me more desperate to get through to her, so I hold her tighter, pinning her body against the wall. If anyone saw us, we’d definitely be the talk of the town, and word travels fast around here.

“No,” I answer, forcing her to look me in the eye. “Listen to what I’m telling you.” Still she doesn’t stop with her struggle, so I lay my body against hers, my ear just a breath away from hers. “Yes, I want you, Cadence. I want to fuck you three ways to Sunday. I could lift this pretty dress of yours and have you screaming so loud, the Pope himself would hear you.” Finally, she stops fighting me, and I hear the struggle in her breathing.

“I want to tell you every filthy fucking thing I want to do to you, but you’re not hearing my point.”

I pull her face away and press her nose to mine so our eyes are locked. “Fucking you is the least of what I want to do. Your body is not what makes me want to break my vows.”

Silence grows between us, and when I pull away, her mouth is hanging open.

Turning away, I start walking again. I have to adjust myself in my pants from the effect of being so close to her body.

“Callum…” I don’t turn around. Eventually, I hear her footsteps as she keeps up her pace next to me.

“I have a lot to think about, Cadence.”

“Okay.”

“I think it’s best we keep our hands to ourselves for now.”

I shove my hands in my pockets and feel like a real asshole for what feels like dumping her after she just swallowed down what I unloaded in her mouth.

“I understand.”

There’s an awkwardness in the air after I just admitted what I admitted, and it’s true. Yes, Cadence is beautiful, but it’s not her beauty that has me laying in bed sleepless every night.

The rest of the walk is silent, but I feel her calm presence next to me. I want to put my arm around her. Touch her hand, intertwine our fingers, hold her close and talk about our day. My heart is aching for this relationship we can’t have.

Glancing over at Cadence as we turn the last corner to the street that leads to the house, I curse myself for what I’ve started. The wind blows strands of her dark hair into her eyes, and I watch as she lifts her pink-painted fingernails to pull it off of her face. When she misses a strand, I reach over to fix it, and her eyes find mine again.

How the fuck did this happen? How did a girl almost twenty years younger than me convince herself that I was worth her time? How long will this last? I could put her on a plane tomorrow, and she’d find a million guys better suited for her. She’d forget all about me and this crazy moment in her life where she almost convinced a priest to break his vows.

“What now?” she says breathlessly.

“Nothing, Cadence. There is nothing now. We have to walk back into the house and be exactly as we were a month ago.”

“What if I can’t?” The setting sun catches the hints of green in her dark eyes, flecks I never noticed before.

“That’s something you have to decide. If you can’t do it, then…”

“Then I have to leave.”

A pain stabs me in the chest at those words. The thought of her leaving feels like suffocating, someone robbing me of my oxygen and making me live like that.

But she’s right. It’s the only option. So I swallow down the burning in my throat and nod.

“Yes.”

There is the most subtle flinch in her eyes at my response. But a second later, she straightens her spine. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Then, she turns and walks toward the house. I’m almost proud of her, my headstrong girl. Too beautiful for her own good. Too fucking tempting for mine.

I follow two steps behind and feel a sense of confidence I shouldn’t be feeling. Somehow I know she’ll choose to stay, even if it means we can never do what we just did.

Then it hits me…what if I can’t. I asked her to decide, assuming that she’s the only one who will struggle, but what if she does stay, sleeping next door to me everyday. Is having her voice, her laugh, her smile in my life every day worth the pain it will cause me to never be able to touch her again? Can I live like that?

These are the thoughts that drill my ego as we step into the house, and I’m so distracted that I almost don’t hear the new voice in the house. It’s a woman’s voice. An American woman.

And I wouldn’t think much of it if it wasn’t for Cadence’s gasp as soon as the door closes behind us.

“Oh my God!” she shrieks. My heart hammers in my chest as I stare at the beautiful woman, looking no older than me, standing next to Bridget at the front counter. The two of them are wearing smiles and talking like old friends.

I don’t get a chance to ask what the fuck is going on when Cadence runs to the woman’s arms. The lady is staring at me with a smile like she knows me but I don’t know her.

Cadence pulls away and notices me standing there staring in shock. “Callum, this is my mom!”

I can barely react so I move out of habit, reaching my hand to shake hers when Cadence’s mom pulls me in for a hug. “I’ve heard so much about you!” The embrace is longer than I expect, and when I pull away, she’s staring at me affectionately. I don’t know what the fuck to say. All the things Cadence and I just said to each other are spinning around in my brain.

Thankfully, Cadence steals the attention off me. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to surprise you. I contacted Bridget, and she helped me make the plans.”

I can’t stop staring at the woman, with her long blonde hair that looks like it’s dyed from a darker shade. She has plump cheeks and full lips, and the striking resemblance to Cadence is disarming.

For some reason, seeing Cadence’s mom reminds me that—if I were able to date at all—I would be dating women her age. She’s a beautiful woman but even if I were a single, available man, she wouldn’t be my type. She has a California, tanned-skin, plastic surgery look about her.

“Let’s eat, and you two can do some catching up!” Bridget leads the way to the dining room where she has dinner set out already.

They mostly talk about people I don’t know, Cadence’s sister and her new husband, life in California. I can instantly see where Cadence gets her charisma and ability to speak so enthusiastically. Her mother, Claire, has been rattling on for most of the meal and has hardly asked about Cadence. In fact, it’s starting to grate on my nerves so I finally lean my elbows on the table and catch Cadence’s eyes across from me.

She’s trying to avoid me by averting her gaze, but I kick her under the table. When her mother finally shuts up for a moment to breathe, I interject. “Well, Bridget has probably told you already, but Cadence is the best employee we’ve had at the house.”

Bridget immediately agrees with a smile and a nod.

The beautiful brunette across from me sobers her expression as she finally pierces me with those dark eyes. “You haven’t had any other employees.”

“Not true.”

“And even if you did, I hardly think my shoveling horse shit and plunging toilets is better than anyone else.”

I tap her leg again with mine. “Stop selling yourself short. You do much more than that, and you know it.”

Her eyes sparkle, and she bites her lip, suddenly taking interest in what’s left of her pork roast.

“Like what?” her mom asks.

Bridget takes the lead on this one. “Oh, she’s excellent with the guests. I keep telling Cadence that she should look into hospitality as a career choice. She would be a great hotel manager someday. Our reviews have skyrocketed.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” I direct toward Cadence.

“You’ve seen the reviews,” she answers with a bitten back laugh.

“I mean that you want to be a hotel manager.”

“It was Bridget’s idea.”

“It’s a great idea.”

Her warm smile as she looks away is enough to keep me happy for the rest of the night. I love that look on her face, with a subtle blush to her cheeks and a determination in her eyes, that version of Cadence could rule the fucking world.

“What Father Callum is not telling you is that he did not want to hire me. Not at all.”

My blood pressure spikes when she calls me Father like that. I want to hear her say it while I’m—

No. Can’t keep thinking like that.

Shaking the thought away, I look up at her. “I won’t deny that, but I’ll never forget that first day, how terrified you were of Misty.”

Cadence laughs. “Oh my God.”

A smile fights against my frown. “And the first time you fixed the second floor toilet. Wait until you see her in that tool belt.”

“I bet hotel managers don’t have to do that,” she answers.

I realize she and I are the only ones talking, and I quickly bite my lip to keep from almost smiling again or saying more. It’s so hard to be the right versions of myself around Cadence. I’m not supposed to flirt with her or raise suspicion, but I’m not the stern priest who can’t even enjoy a laugh or a joke. How am I supposed to be both of these at once?

When I glance at her mother, she’s staring at Cadence as if she is meeting her for the first time. I can only assume working on farms and old homes isn’t something she is used to where she is from.

“She’s a hard worker,” I tell her, and her mouth forms a tight-lipped smile.

As Bridget brings out the pie for dessert, we continue talking about the house and Cadence. Her mother barely talks and just listens.

After dinner, Bridget takes her up to get her situated in her room. It’s just me and Cadence in the dining room, and I notice the shy expression on her face. She doesn’t have to say anything, but I love the way she’s looking at me. It looks like she’s making a decision, and it’s one I’m going to like.

When we head to bed, Claire catches us in the stairwell as we say our goodbyes. Then she notices the way Cadence and I walk together up the stairs.

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“There are two staff rooms up here,” Cadence answers.

Her mom’s eyes watch me with a guarded stare as I finish walking up the stairs. It’s like it doesn’t matter that I’m a priest or that I’m too old for Cadence. She sees through all of it and knows the thoughts running through my head.

Tonight, we go in our own rooms, but just before she disappears through her door, she glances back at me.

“Goodnight, Father Callum.”

Leaning against the doorframe, whispering in the darkness, she looks like a dream—which is exactly what she is. A beautiful dream I don’t want to wake up from.

“I like it when you call me that.” I say it so quietly no one outside of this halfway could hear it.

“I know you do.” With one more lift of her captivating lips, she turns away from me and shuts herself away behind the door.

I can do this, I tell myself. I can be a good priest and love Cadence at the same time. I have to. I don’t have a choice.

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