Big girls don't cry
14. It is what it is

Aleida’s POV

The unknown man carries me like a bride on her wedding night. He’s tall and muscular, has robust facial features, dark blond hair, and dark green eyes. He’s handsome but, at the same time, intimidating.

“Why are you staring at me?” he asks without looking at me, and I curl up, afraid of what he’ll do if I answer him. ”It’s okay; you don’t have to be frightened. Is there something you wanted to ask me?”

“What’s your name?”

This time he looks down at me in his arms. I can see one corner of his mouth twitch a bit like he’s about to smile.

“My name’s Henry.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Henry,” I say quietly and ask a silent prayer that he won’t hurt me.

“Same to you, sunshine.”

I see a coal-black SUV standing on the side of the road in the distance. With quick steps, we get to the car. He puts me down gently and unlocks the doors with the remote control on the key. Henry opens the passenger door and helps me in; he even helps me with the seat belt. I want to thank him, but I know better than to talk without permission. Instead, I bend my head into submission, and he gives me a strange look that I don’t know what it means. I jump when he closes the car door and walks around the car. It doesn’t take long for him to put on his belt and start the vehicle. I continue to have my head bent down, afraid of what will happen if I don’t. He looks at me in the corner of his eye several times; a worry spreads in my chest. It takes ten minutes before he opens his mouth and starts talking.

“So, the Rose moon pack.”

It’s more of a statement than a question. I say nothing but keep staring down at my hands.

“Why don’t you talk, sunshine?”

I draw in a deep breath and gather all the courage I have to dare to answer, even though I know it can be a significant risk.

“I’m not allowed to talk,” I answer quietly.

“Who says that you don’t get to talk?”

“My alpha,” I whisper, unsure whether he can hear me or not.

He frowns and looks annoyed about my answer but doesn’t comment on it.

“If I say that you can talk, will you?”

“I answer when someone speaks to me.”

“I meant not only when you get spoken to; you’re free to talk about whatever you want and how much you want in my vicinity.”

“I can’t.….”

“Why not?”

“My alpha has decided that it should be this way.”

“Your alpha, if you can call him that at all, isn’t here, and besides, you belong to us now.”

I look up at him uncertainly, and he meets my eyes steadily. He doesn’t break eye contact once, even though he drives at the same time. Only when I slowly nod, his gaze moves back to the road in front of us.

“Use your words, sunshine.”

“Yes, sir,” I answer, and he frowns again.

“Sir? Yeah, no, that’s not going to happen; I feel old when you call me that,” he says, and I back away again, afraid he’s going to hit me or hurt me in another way. “Call me Henry instead; it’s all right, sunshine.”

“Okay, Henry.”

He smiles at me when I call him what he asks. We both remain silent for a little while after our uncertain conversation. Sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ FɪndNovᴇl.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“How long until we get there?” I ask carefully.

“We have roughly about an hour and a half left until we arrive; we must, unfortunately, drive through a couple of other packs’ territories.”

I shake by those words. Werewolves are very proud and protective creatures; we don’t like when someone tries to take something ours, and it’s widespread with fractions when someone outside the pack passes through their lands.

“It’s all right, sunshine, I passed them on the way here, and nothing happened. We have an understanding between us. Nothing will happen,” Henry says, and I relax a little bit of his word, but I’m still prepared for anything to happen.

“What happens to me now?” I ask, and he gives me a look like he’s searching for something.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you expect from me? You own me now, so I just think that….”

“Okay, we need to bring up some rules here and now,” he says with a stern voice, which makes me bow my head in submission as my alpha and luna tell me to do every day. “Number one, you’re not a slave to us. Two, don’t sell yourself short. Three, don’t be afraid of us because we won’t hurt you, and last but not least, stop submitting! There’s no reason to do that, okay?”

“Okay…” I answer, slightly afraid while he takes a deep breath, and I can see how his whole face relaxes.

“Good, try to rest for a while. We’ll check out those wounds at the pack hospital right away when we get there, and then I want to know how you could do something so reckless.”

I’m ashamed by his words, not knowing why. I have no reason to be ashamed of what I have done; it’s my choice to end my own life on my terms. It’s hard for me to understand why others can’t respect my last and only desire ever. I just want to be free from the pain and misery that persecute me wherever I go. If it’s not my reality, it’s in my dreams, where I’m stupid enough to think that I’m free. I’m never free, and I will never be since the goddess obviously has decided that I will have to be tormented to my last breath before I can finally get some peace. I wake up from a car door slamming. When my eyes open, I see a sizeable multi-story cultivation house through the car window. Henry walks around the car and opens my door. He takes a firm grip on my hand, and I’m grateful because I don’t think I manage to walk independently. We don’t even have time to get through the door before doctors and nurses surround us. They shine in my eyes with flashlights, measure my pulse, listen to my heart... Well, at least that’s what I guess they usually do in a hospital. Not that I know anything about what it’s like to do control in a hospital. I’ve been in the hospital twice, when I was born and when I collapsed at work. At least that’s what I think because I don’t know if that was real or not.

“What’s her background?” a dark-haired woman asks.

She’s adorable, with her round cheeks with the right amount of blush and a small button nose, not much taller than me, and a slim petite body. Despite her body size, she gives me the feeling that she has excellent authority around here.

“We don’t know much about her, more than that, she hurt herself on her thighs,” Henry answers, and the woman looks sadly at me, which makes me crawl together.

“What did you use to hurt yourself?”

“Silver dagger,” I reply quietly.

For a short second, everything’s quiet. By now, everyone must understand that my desire to end my life isn’t a cry for help; it’s my last wish. Henry looks at me with his eyes wide open like he can’t believe what he hears is the truth. The woman leads me to an examining table and asks me to sit down. Submissive as I am, I listen to her words and sit down. When she puts her hand on my leg, I shrug away from her. She looks at me with a sad look again.

“I’m going to lift your dress a little bit, okay? There’s nothing to be afraid of; I’m only going to take a look at your injuries.”

I nod slowly and allow her to do her job. She gasps when she sees the damage I’ve done to myself but doesn’t say anything. She walks away to a small metal table and comes back with a bottle filled with some kind of transparent liquid in silence. I’m looking at the bottle in her hand suspiciously.

“It’s all right; I’ll use this to clean the wounds. I can’t put on any bandages before they’re clean, you’ll risk getting an infection, and we don’t want that,” the doctor says, smiling and pours the liquid on a cotton pad. ”I’m going to wash the edges of the wounds so you can have a slight chance to get used to the pain before I’m going to pour out the cleaning right into it, okay?”

I nod; this is nothing to me. I’m used to the pain; it’s part of me. She gently cleans my still bleeding thigh, and I look around the room. There isn’t much interest in here. The examining table I’m sitting on, a metal table, some cabinets, a door, a curtain... Well, you understand for yourself that it’s not very exciting in here. Henry, who has been silent for a good time, continually stares at me as if I’ve murdered his kitten or something like that. I turn my eyes away; he’s upset about something; it doesn’t get any better if I look at him.

“I need to pour this wound cleaning in the center now. Are you ready?”

I’m nodding again and preparing. The pain spreads throughout my body when the first drop meets my damaged skin, but I’m quick to embrace it. No sounds or movements come from me; I sit there perfectly still and hardly feel any pain. Is this supposed to hurt? I’ve had acid poured over me; this is nothing.

“You’re a tough girl,” she says while slowly cleaning my wounds.

“You have to be,” I answer unmistakably.

“Why?”

“Otherwise, you’ll die.”

She drops the small bottle on the floor, and the glass splits together with the liquid while it pours out all over the floor. She looks at me with pity; I guess that she wonders how someone can become this cynical so young.

“I’m sorry about everything you’ve probably needed to go through,” she says while putting on bandages on my thighs; I shrug my shoulders.

“You get used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be used to such pain. Especially not to this amount that you don’t even twitch when I clean your wounds. They’re several inches deep; even a full-grown male wolf would be screaming by the pain. Instead, you just sit here, completely calm and without a worry in the world over it.”

“It is what it is, I guess.”

I’m getting tired of her pity. The look in her eyes hurt me more than a punch in the face. I feel disgusted that she sees me as weak. Henry must notice that I’m getting annoyed because he takes the woman aside and talks to her before indicating that I should follow him out of the room, which I do. We walk calmly for a few minutes; he probably slows down the pace for me, which isn’t necessary. Nevertheless, I continue to keep his speed; it’s clear that he wants to get somewhere with this. The best thing I can do is obey.

“You will soon meet a person who has been waiting for you,” he says, and I stop walking.

“What do you mean?”

“I and many others have been searching for you for a long time.”

“What a waste of resources,” I mumble, annoyed; he turns around and stares into my eyes.

“Beware, sunshine, you don’t want to provoke him with such nonsense.”

“Who is ‘he’?”

Fear creeps into me again as his words continue to echo in my head. My breaths are getting short and thin, which Henry notices. He hurries to take my hands in his and looks me into the eyes.

“Describe the color of my eyes.”

“W-what?” I ask between my breaths.

“Describe how my eyes look,” he says calmly, and I only hesitate for a second before I obey.

“They are dark green with a dark blue border around the outskirts. You have small brown spots around the pupil that make them look bigger than they are, especially from a distance. Why did you wonder?” I ask, confused, and he looks at me, smiling.

“Your panic attack is gone.”

I try to detect any signs of anxiety in my body, but my breaths are smooth and calm. No voices are inside my head, and I can feel safe.

“Good girl.”

We continue to walk and arrive at an even larger house than the hospital is; this has a facade of timber logs. He opens the door to me and then leads me up a flight of stairs. The hallway we go through has beautiful paintings of different landscapes on the walls. I’m so into my observations that I don’t notice Henry stop walking until I walk right into him. He turns his head in my direction and laughs at my curiosity. With a swift knock on the door, he opens it and enters. I’m still in the doorway, waiting to get permission to step in. Henry turns around and says;

“That’s right; you’re submissive. Come in by all means.”

I slowly walk up and stand beside him. We stand in front of a sizeable glossy desk with a person sitting in an office chair with his back facing us. Since I can hear his dark voice talking to someone on the phone that he holds against his ear, it’s a man. Henry clears his throat, and the man asks to call the person a little later.

“What is it, Henry?” he asks tiredly.

“We found her, alpha.”

“Where is she?”

“Turn around.”

The man slowly turns the chair towards us and gapes when he sees me. I’m just standing there unfazed and confused about what’s going on. The man rises and walks towards me, but I throw myself back far enough to hit the wall when he lifts his arms to touch me. He looks confused at me and doesn’t seem to understand why his movements frighten me. The alpha look at Henry and the familiar fog overtakes their eyes; they talk through the mindlink. They’re conversing, and here I am, insane and have no fucking idea what’s going on.

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