Children of Chaos - Book 1
4th Memory

“I should have known…I had all the information…How did I not know??”

“You loved her.”

I ducked, just in time to avoid being sliced open by the short blade coming from my right.

“Watch it!”

Khai just grinned and attacked again. It was all I could do to dodge and block, no chance to get in a stroke of my own, and that despite the fact that he was only using one of his blades instead of both of them. How was he so incredibly fast?

Again he came at me, faster than earlier and within less than a second I was disarmed with his blade at my throat. I was completely drenched in sweat, breathing heavily from the strain.

“How is this even possible?”

I couldn’t keep the jealousy and frustration out of my voice. After all, I had been trained for combat since I was twelve years old! I had killed two men just a few weeks ago, but against him I felt as helpless as a little girl. Then again, he had been training to become a warrior since the day he was born.

“Years of practice. Besides, your footing is completely off. Whatever they taught you in that Reservoir thingy you’re from, it’s... well, stiff. All your movements are textbook, theoretical. You need to adapt to the situation.

The formations they taught you, the slithering snake, or whatever they called it, are useless. Come up with your own, but make sure that you don’t just stick to them. A good fighter can use any- and everything to his or her advantage.

For example the sun. Did you notice how I always made sure that it would be behind me?”

I would have loved to say that I had noticed that, but all I’d really been able to pay attention to was staying in one piece. Very important, in my humble opinion. I assumed that was not the answer he wanted to hear, so I just nodded, noting this information for later.

He smiled as if he knew exactly that I had in fact not noticed, but he let it slide.

“Alright. Wanna go again?”

“Hmm… No thanks. Besides, it’s almost time for my lesson with Gamma, and I’ll need some strength left for that.”

Plus if I kept this up, I’d be cut to ribbons, no doubt. Another thought I kept to myself.

“Definitely”, he laughed. “Gamma seems to really like you. You must be quite powerful.”

He walked away with those words, unaware of my clenched fists. He was teasing, I knew that, but the words struck a nerve. For the last two months, ever since I had gotten here, I had been training with Gamma every day, but I wasn’t improving. Or at least not in the way I wanted to.

I was supposed to learn how to control Shinehah’s gift, but instead, it was Ereb’s curse that seemed to be getting stronger. It made me feel vile and twisted, seeing how adept I was at darkness. Gamma kept reassuring me that we would overcome it together, but I began to doubt it. I hadn’t managed to use Shinehah’s powers once.

I pulled back the entrance to Gamma’s tent and entered. The air was heavy with the scent of different herbs and plants. She was sitting on one of her plush carpets in the middle of the tent, her eyes closed, her hands folded in her lap.

I knew better by now than to disturb her, and so I sat down in front of her and waited.

I didn’t have to wait long. After a couple of minutes, she spoke, her eyes still closed.

“Make it dark in here.”

I looked up in surprise. It was the first time that she had concretely asked me to use my shadow powers. Still, I trusted her, and so I didn’t ask why.

I concentrated on the shadows in the tent, willing them to rise, condense, thicken, until there was no light left in the tent. I could feel the darkness on my skin, soft and cool, like a gentle embrace. It felt like home. I scolded myself for that thought and opened my eyes.

To me, not much had changed. I saw the same room, just different colors.

“Do you see me, child?”

“Clear as day.”

Gamma started to smile, confusing the crap out of me.

“We have been approaching this the wrong way, child. We assumed that the darkness and the light would be separate, but they are not.

You have indeed been gifted by the Goddess. She gave you the gift of overcoming the darkness inside of you. You see when there is no light. “

I wasn’t entirely sure if I was understanding her correctly, so I had to ask.

“Seeing in the dark is my gift?”

“Yes, child! I’ve been foolish. When you made it dark, you willed the light away. Now make it light again.”

I closed my eyes and let the darkness flood out of the room, letting in the soft sunlight. Was it strange that the world felt... less real in the light?

“So I control the darkness through the light?”

She smiled at me and nodded, and for the first time since I had started working on my gifts, I didn’t feel like I was failing. When I walked out of the tent I wore a satisfied smile on my face. I was exhausted from all the practice she had made me do but in a good way. Khai was standing nearby, leaning against a post. Had he waited? The thought gave me a warm tingle in my belly, and the smile on my face got just a little bit wider as we walked to the campfire together.

“So how did your class with Gamma go?”

“I think I’m finally making progress”, I said as I watched the flames flicker on his skin. We were sitting next to each other in the circle around the campfire. It was Sunday, and every Sunday night, the Shemsuddin would gather around the fire and listen to Gamma’s stories.

I looked over at Khai, noting how the red light of the fire flickered over his tan skin. He was handsome, I had noticed that right away, but there was something else about him, something more.

“That’s really great.”

He smiled at me and opened his mouth to say something else, but just then Gamma arrived and everyone grew quiet, waiting patiently for her to begin. I had yet to get used to the way people treated Gamma. Back at the Reservoir the Elders were treated with a respect that bordered on fear, but with Gamma that respect came from another place. To me, it felt as if people respected her because they loved her.

She sat down and began to speak in the sing-song voice she used for her stories, slowly lulling us into a sort of trance.

“Over a thousand years ago, the greatest kingdom that this world has ever known was ruled by a powerful, but cruel King, who loved himself and his power above all else. He had everything a king could want, a beautiful wife, a healthy young son, and more riches than any man could ever hope to use. Yet, as it is so often with those who have it all, he searched until he found something he could not have.

His brother had just taken himself a new wife, a beauty beyond measure, more beautiful even than the Queen, and the King, being the greedy man he was, desired her for himself. One night, when he brother was away, waging one of the King's wars, he called upon the young girl and took her to his chambers.

She was a cold woman, with a hunger for power that was only rivaled by the King himself, eager for a chance to improve her standing. Soon, the young girl discovered that she was with child, and not having seen her husband in many months, she knew this would bring shame to her name. So she sought out the King. The King, terrified that his shame would be revealed, had his brother killed in battle and the young girl cast out, without a second thought. The young girl disgraced and discarded swore that one day the king would come to regret his decision. He laughed at her curse and cried at the deathbed of his Queen, who had succumbed to a sudden illness, inflicted upon her by dark magic. Sᴇaʀ*ᴄh the Find_Nøvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

It was in a lowly hut, where the Queen’s murderess gave birth to a little girl and named her Mara. Mara was a weak child, no more than a worm, and her mother hated her fiercely. She tried to drown her in the river, tried to smother her with a pillow, but despite the child’s weakness, it refused to die. She blamed Mara for all of her misfortune and, in her bitterness, she treated her with cruelty and petty spite. And yet, despite the hatred of her own mother, Mara began to thrive and grow.

Surya, the mighty and powerful Goddess of all that is light, saw this and was impressed by the child's resilience. She took pity on the girl, gifting her with the power of the earth to guide and steady her, and so the girl grew up, only ever feeling the love of the earth.

Despite her weakness as a child, she grew even more beautiful and powerful than her mother, until, one day, she caught the eye of a young prince, who had been riding in the woods. He fell in love at first sight and decided to make her his queen.

Here her life could have turned for the better, it could have become a story of happiness and Mara would have never become Lilith; the daemon mother would never have been born.

But her fate was not so kind.

For the prince was the son of that same King who had cast Mara’s mother out all those years before. The prince knew not that he had a sister, and the girl knew not that she had a brother. The mother, the only one who could have known, only cared about revenge, and thus she sent her own daughter into her undoing.

It was only through the King, a mistrusting man by nature, that the union of the half-siblings was prevented. He had sent out his spies to discovered the identity of the young bride, but by the time they returned it was already too late. The prince, just as impatient and greedy as his father, had not waited until the wedding night to claim his rights as a husband.

When the prince found out the truth, he was repulsed and ashamed, and the feeble love he had held for Mara evaporated to be replaced with revulsion and loathing. The prince, so much like his father, cast her out, vowing to destroy her if she were ever to return.

Mara was distraught, and in her sorrow and despair she cursed Surya for the fate that had befallen her. Now Ahriman, the father of all that is wrong in this world, has little influence over the Goddess’ children so long as they don’t give it to him. But once given, it is near impossible to take back. Mara, by cursing Surya, invited Ahriman into her heart. And he, who preys on the weak and helpless, extended his hand to the young woman, offering her power beyond her wildest dreams, and she, in her desperation, accepted.

The young, innocent girl, punished through the selfish actions of others, became a powerful, cold and cruel woman. She appeared to them in the throne room, promising her revenge upon them and the entire kingdom, swearing not to rest until the entire line had been extinguished.

Her wish came true.

She discovered too late that she was with child, and when the boy was born she named him Cain. Cain lived under the same curse that Lilith had bestowed on the King's family. In a terrible battle, he killed his father, meeting his own end at his father’s hands. Thus, the kingdom was left in ruins and Lilith alone once more.

Some say that her son was the first daemon she ever created, and some say that she has never left this earth, that she still wanders here, hoping to exact her revenge on Surya, and return the land to chaos for Ahriman to rule.”

There was a heavy silence after that story. Gamma’s stories usually had a lesson to be learned, but all this one had done for me, was make me sad. I felt for Lilith, she had been wronged, but was revenge really the way to go?

I thought about Caleb and my mother and clenched my fists. Yes, I could understand her wish for revenge. They had taken everything from her, punished her for things that were not her fault, and she had snapped. Who knew? Maybe if I hadn’t found the Shemsuddin I would have been the same? Bitter and angry, looking for revenge.

I looked around and felt gratitude swell up in me. These people were kind, brave, and strong. I felt accepted and loved here as if I’d always been a part of their community.

Khai leaned over and took my hand, nearly making me jump out of my skin.

“Let’s get out of here”, he said with a smile, and I could do nothing but nod.

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