Emily's Seams
Chapter 6: Visit from Julia

I was so tired. The small Asian woman that usually manned the cafe on the main floor of the research facility stared me down as I approached the counter. I had secretly named her Angry Korean Lady because she always looked as though she was about to pull out a shotgun and take someone’s head off. Most of the days I succumbed to the need of a latte were without incident but today felt like it had already been decided. I was probably going to get on someone’s bad side, might as well be hers.

“What do you want?” she squawked.

“Hot water and lemon.” I smiled. It was the cheapest thing on the menu, only twenty-five cents.

“We are out. Pick something else.”

“How can you be out? It says right on your board that you sell lemon water. See?” I said, pointing at the menu board behind her.

“We just are. Pick something else.” She spoke as if she were spitting on each word before sending them my way.

“Oh, wow. That’s too bad. Are you sure? It really does say that you carry lemon water.”

“No! No! No!” Each word was accompanied by her tiny, angry fist pounding the plastic counter she ruled.

I sighed. “That’s too bad.” I left without buying anything.

It really was too bad. I actually kind of wished that I hadn’t pestered Angry Korean Lady past the point of no return. I was so tired now without a morning latte.

“Stop being such a baby, just get up!” I grabbed the faded pink quilt off of the tiny bed.

“I don’t wanna!” she wailed.

Ah yes, this memory of Julia. This one was especially hard to watch. She was twelve. Maybe if I’d known she’d be gone in just a few short years I would’ve handled it better.

“Julia! Stop it! You have to go to school!” I yelled at her.

Still laying in her bed, she curled her legs up to her chest and stubbornly anchored her head to her pillow.

“I hate it! I hate the teachers, I hate the students! I hate it!” she sobbed. Julia was always like that. She couldn’t help it. Sad, angry, happy, frustrated. For any of them, she cried. It was like her body just couldn’t hold in everything she felt.

I was running late already. Julia was starting at a new school. I was twenty-two and starting a new job. Our mom, the glue, had died less than a year ago.

I knew my baby sister was still hurting. She was a mess.

“Julia, please. Get up.” I tried gently pleading.

“No.”

I should have talked to her. I should have been kind. Instead I lost it.

“That’s it!” I shouted. I stalked off to the bathroom and filled up a glass of ice cold water. I stomped all the way back to her tiny room and chucked it at her.

She jolted right up from the water and screamed.

“Now get up! I’m so sick of this Julia!” I yelled.

Jude was in her room but there was nothing that could wake her from her Rivotril coma.

And then that face. Julia had always been a sweet child. She loved everybody and everybody loved her. She was never mean, but at that moment, Julia hated me.

“Get out of my room.” she said. Each word sounded like it had just jumped out of a cold hell.

“Are you going to get ready? I have to go!” sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ (F)indNƟvᴇl.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“Leave me alone.”

“Oh come on, Julia! Get this straight. You have to go to school!” I knew I should have backed down. She was hurting and I had just dug my fingers into that hurt, but for some reason, I wouldn’t stop.

She jumped out of bed and rushed at me. She slammed all of her weight against me and pushed me to the wall. She held her forearm across my throat and pinned me there. At that moment, sweet Julia was nowhere to be found. “You’re not my mother, now get the fuck out of my room.”

I felt like someone had just hit me in the gut. That might have hurt less.

She backed off of me. She was only twelve but she was tall enough to get in my face and strong enough to hurt me. In more ways than one.

She went to her bed and sat down on the wet mattress with her back to me. Her shoulders slumped.

“You’re right.” I said quietly. “I’m not your mother. She’s dead.”

And I left her. Alone. And in wet pyjamas. She didn’t go to school for the rest of the week.

“Emily?”

My head bounced up from my desk. I had fallen asleep. I looked up and saw Robert looking down at me. His face looked weird.

“What?”

“Uh, sorry. You fell asleep.”

“Wow, thanks Robert. You really did me a solid. How about next time though, you just mind your own business?” I started shuffling my papers and went back to looking at my computer screen. I had no idea what I was reading.

“Sorry, I was just leaving. I didn’t want to leave you here over night.” he said quietly.

I looked at the tiny clock in the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen. It was already eight-thirty.

“Oh.” I said a little quieter this time. I looked up at Robert and realized that this little punk had actually managed to make me feel bad. “Sorry. Thanks.”

I think he smiled at me. What an idiot. I treat the dog shit on my boots better than I treated him because once I was finished stepping in it and then scrapping it off, me and the shit parted ways. Robert had to see me every day and he took it.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” he said. “I’m getting some dinner before I go home. Do you want to come with me and grab something? I could drop you off after?”

It was too late to go to Creekside. Angus would understand. Franny would be choked but she’d get over it. A morning latte could keep me going all day but I had to go fuck it up this morning and now I was hungry. No, it was past that, I was starving. My stomach growled at the thought of food. Stupid organ.

“Sure.” I turned my computer off and left the pile of papers scattered on my desk. It was weird for me to leave such a mess but I didn’t care. Not today. Not after that bitter visit from Julia.

“What do you feel like?” Robert asked.

“I don’t care.” Such a lie. And then I realized that I don’t care could be misconstrued as I don’t care, I’m just happy to be with you.

“Okay, how about sushi?”

I wanted to scream at him about how much I hated sushi. But that was a lie. I wanted to tell him to piss off, leave me alone, I have things to do. Another lie.

“Okay.” This was self-preservation speaking now. Say as little as possible. Order your stupid sushi and go home.

The restaurant was warm compared to the cold wind that had whipped by us on the short three minute walk there. And there she was. Angry Korean Lady, overseer of the ordering counter.

She hadn’t forgotten me either.

“What do you want?” she glared at me.

Robert didn’t seem to notice. “Heya Nancy! How’s it been here tonight?”

I couldn’t believe it. Angry Korean Lady smiled at him. “Welcome, Robert.” Sounded more like she said Obert. “Would you like the special today?” She held an arm up to showcase the dark chalkboard menu beside her.

He read it over carefully. “Oh wow, this looks delicious Nancy! Yes, I’d love one of those, thank you. And whatever Emily’s getting.”

“No, Robert. That’s okay. I’ll get my own.”

He looked hurt. I glanced at Nancy. Self preservation took over again. She looked liked she was seriously considering chopping my head off.

“I mean, only if you let me buy you your coffee tomorrow.”

He beamed. How desperate could he be? Sure, he dressed like a homeless man, always shuffling around in clothes too big for him. But other than that, I had no idea why he was single. It wasn’t that guys weren’t on my radar. It was just that my radar was turned off. But I had eyes. Robert was kind of good looking. And really smart. He would be running his own lab soon, not even a question. And despite my best efforts at embodying the very concept of bitch, he was still nice to me.

“Emily?”

I shook myself back into the moment. “What?”

“Did you want to eat here or get it to go?” he asked.

“Oh. Um, how late is this place open?”

“Ten.” Nancy’s answers were so short and quick, it was like she was hacking them out instead of speaking them.

I looked at her. She clearly still hated me. “Okay, well, here. Unless you have to go.” I looked back at Robert.

He was smiling. “No, no. Here is really good. And Nancy here is a wiz. She’s actually faster at making sushi than she is at making coffee. We’ll have lots of time to eat it before she needs to close up.”

I looked back at Nancy, suddenly wanting her okay. She was looking appreciatively at Robert. Not like she wanted to write his name all over her diary. It was more maternal. Like she was proud of him.

He paid and we took a small table by the window.

“You must have been pretty tired today. You were out for like three hours.” he said.

I glared at him. “Haven’t been getting enough caffeine I guess.”

“Oh I know! The entire lab is completely addicted to coffee! I swear Nancy puts some coke in it or something.” He laughed at his own joke.

“Yeah, right. So Angry Korean Lady works both jobs? Wow.”

He looked confused for a second. He even twisted his head to the side. It made him look like a thoughtful parrot. “You mean Nancy?”

I nodded.

“Oh no, she owns both places. She runs the coffee shop in the day. Her husband works here during the day. He goes home and looks after their kids while she finishes up here.”

That insight into Angry Korean Lady’s life suddenly made me feel like shit.

“Crazy.” I mumbled.

“Yeah, I know, right? I feel so lazy compared to her.”

I felt my eyes open a little wider. “You? You’re like the hardest working person in that lab. Seriously, I don’t know why you’re still there. You could have your own lab if you wanted. I’m surprised you haven’t been offered one already.”

He smiled shyly and looked down at his hands. Nancy dropped off two cups of tea before zipping back to the kitchen. He grabbed his cup and drank nervously.

“What?”

He looked up at me. “What, what?”

“When I asked about the lab, you got all shady. Are you going somewhere?”

A nervous smile twitched across his face. “Yeah, I got an offer. Pretty good too. I’m just...thinking.”

I dropped it. I never wanted to talk about anything with anybody and despite being so self-involved, I could tell when someone else was feeling the same way.

“What about you? I know you were working in Boyd’s lab in Vancouver before he retired. The way he went on about you I was sure you’d end up in grad school.”

I could actually feel the ice creeping back over me. I hadn’t even noticed I’d thawed.

“Yeah, guess I’ll just stay a lowly lab assistant.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that. I just...”

I was already up and out of my chair. These weren’t conscious actions. Self-preservation pushed me out the door towards home. I pulled my sweater around me as soon as I got outside, realizing I’d left my jacket on the back of the chair. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

No, I wouldn’t go back to get it. I broke into a jog and by the time I turned onto my street, I was running.

After bursting into my apartment, I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I was coming apart at the seams and no one could see that. I was angry enough that I had to be present for it.

I stumbled into Julia’s room and slammed the door behind me. I curled up with the friendless teddy bear on her bed and started sobbing. I could have solved a tiny African village’s water crises that night. I don’t remember falling asleep.

Even though I was in her room, crying on her bed, Julia let me be that night.

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