Prologue
History. What is history truly? Is it really what is taught in classes in school or what is in books. Or is it what is passed down from generation to generation by our relatives. History feels more like a politicians take on what truly happened not what really happened. Kind of like when the Town of Paisley was burned to the ground 500 years ago. Who do you truly believe? The ravings of the elderly, who say it was the Fae who destroyed the town. Or the books that say it was a meteor that hit our town. Or the classes we are taught about in history, that say we were ambushed by another pack. What can really be believed?
History for me can only be a fantasy. I have no memory of my past. It is like I woke up two years ago for the first time but almost fully grown. Like I completely skipped my childhood. People always say do you remember when or that reminds me of the time we. It is so irritating because no I do not remember and they all know this. But the worst part is my home has no pictures up on the walls or in frames around the house. When I ask my parents why they just say the doctor told them that they all should be taken down that way my brain will not be overwhelmed by the past. I do not believe this for one second because there are no prints on the walls and the house has never smelled like fresh paint. I have also searched the house top to bottom and have found no hidden pictures or even my birth certificate. I even went so far as to call around to the different mid-wives, doctors offices, and hospitals and they have no record of my birth. None and there has not been any fires or lost documents in over 40 years so if I was born here they would have record of it.
Every time I ask my parents about my past they always change the subject and refuse to answer any questions. When People start talking like I should remember something I try to get them to elaborate on the topic but they just shrug their shoulders and change the subject. I have had a nasty feeling that I am not from here and I do not belong here either. My parents look nothing like me and they act very strange. They are always whispering to each other and stop any time I enter the room. So I have just learned to ignore them unless they speak directly to me. Mom told me this morning before I left the house that we would be having a dinner meeting tomorrow night and I was not allowed to skip. Which is just stupid, because I have never skipped dinner time.
I sit here people watching like always. For some reason it has become my favorite past time. Since interacting with people has just gotten harder for me over the last year. It started slow at first with just pitying looks and stupid remarks like, “You do not belong here, why can you not see that. This town will be better once your gone.” I stopped completely talking to people after I tried to talk to my parents about it. They did not believe a word I said. They even accused me of lying and spreading vicious rumors. A person can only take so much abuse before they just either completely ignore or fight back. I choose not to fight, so I just keep quite and to myself. I can fight, but what would be the point of it all? The gossip would still be there, I would still be treated like an outcast, and it would just cause more trouble for me. Like I said, what would be the point?
Sitting here I watch people mill around going in and out of shops, stop and talk to friends. Then all of a sudden it seems like every thing has just gone haywire. All the women are standing around gossiping about Gods and Goddess only know what. I try to listen in on what is being said but there are too many people talking at once. “I can not believe he changed that. We are going to become so powerful. I hate that my kids have to be involved. Oh I can not wait for her to get knocked down a peg and finally be below us.” Everything I am hearing is just confusing me more and more. “The King is going down finally.” That one perked me up and made me really think on what was being said.
All of a sudden everyone stopped talking and when I looked back up they were all staring at me with Cheshire grins on their faces. I was getting a really bad feeling of what was to come. Deciding I had, had enough people watching and gossip for the day I stood up and walked off towards the paths in the forest. Not caring where I went I let my body just walk and take me where ever. My feet finally stopped and I found my way from my thoughts to see I was standing at the edge of a lake I have never seen before. I sat at the edge of the lake and put my feet in the water. The water was unlike anything I had ever seen before. There were so many greens and blues and with the sun shinning down on the water it sparkled like emeralds and sapphires.
The suns reflection was not only mesmerizing but also blinding. I decided to lay back in the grass and watch the little wispy clouds go by. As I lay there I could not help but think about what life will be like once I go through my transformation. Maybe I will find my mate and I will finally find some acceptance. Or maybe my mate will be from another pack and I will find him when I am allowed to travel. I hope who ever my mate is I will find love and everything I have lacked so far in my life. One can only hope I guess. I should not really complain about my life, I know others out there have it way worse then I. But I just can’t help but want so much more then what I have now. I get no love, I am treated like a leper. No I am not physically abused and the verbal and emotional abuse stopped a year ago. But that has not changed how people still treat me.
I must have fallen asleep during my musings because I wake up to something tickling my foot and notice it is almost sundown. I sit straight up and start freaking out. If I do not make it home before it is dark I am going to be in so much trouble. That is the one rule in place for the untransfromed, we are not allowed to be out after dark. I jump up and start running back to my house. I did not realize how far I had walked earlier and it dawns on me I will not make it back in time. I start running as fast as I can and try my hardest to make it back. Hopefully it will not be fully dark and I will not get in to trouble. I finally reach the last leg of the journey back to my house when I can finally see the sun again. It is about to go down and that will mean I only have a few minutes to get home. I push myself to run faster than I ever have before.
I manage to make it to the back of the house just as the sun sets but because it is not the front I do not want to take the chance of rushing in the door at the last second. There will be too many questions that I have no answers for. So I do what I have done only on a handful of occasions and climb the tree that abuts our house. There is one branch specifically that goes almost right up to the roof by my bedroom window. I stand by the tree expanding my senses to try to pin point my parents. I do not want to get caught sneaking in. All seems to be quiet. I slowly climb the tree trying not to make any sounds. I do not need to step on a creaky branch and alert my parents. So I go as slow as possible skipping the branches I know creak. Finally I get to the top and sit there still listening for any sounds. Still nothing. I climb on to the roof and crawl over to my bedroom window. I double check to make sure the lock is still facing the unlocked position. It is. I slowly jimmy the window up and stop once it is a couple inches open. I put my ear to the opening and listen. Nothing, no sounds at all. It is almost like they are either not here or went to bed early. I feel like it is the first option. I continue pushing the window open a couple inches at a time stopping every few times to double check there is still no sounds. Once the window is open wide enough for me to slip through without falling or knocking anything over I slip inside silently. I shut my window just as silently as I opened it. I am just glad I was smart enough to rub wax on the metal that the window slides on. I can not imagine how noisy it would have been without it.
Once the window is fully closed I locked it and close my shades and curtains. That done I go and quickly change out of my clothes and into some pajamas. I woke up about 45 minutes ago and I still look extremely tired so it is best to pretend that I have been sleeping just in case the parents are actually home. I leave my room and go downstairs. Everything is dark. It does not look like any one has been home all day. I grab the last of my pre-made water and take a drink. Then I grab some stuff to make a healthy but filling salad. Within 15 minutes I am sitting at the table eating my dinner and drinking my water. While I prepped my dinner I started the water to boil. I check my watch and notice that it has been long enough and the water should be done. I get up and turn the stove off. I do not let the water cool, I immediately start straining it threw multiple layers of cheese cloth to make sure all the sediment and chemicals are out. Between the layers of cheese cloth is charcoal. It helps remove the nasty chemicals. Once I am done straining the water I divide it up in several bottles and let them cool.
I go back to the table to finish my dinner. Within ten minutes I am finished eating. I get up and take my dishes over to the sink and wash everything I have used. I do not bother with the dishes my parents have used because the way I look at it, I did not use them so why should I have to clean them. After everything is cleaned dried and put away, I go back upstairs and go into my bathroom. I do my business then wash and dry my face and hands. I go straight to my bed once I am done and flop on top of the blankets. I am too tired to bother covering up, but I know if I do not I will end up freezing in the middle of the night so I cover myself up and let my body drift into dream land.
I have walked this path many times in my life. But I’m unsure of where I really am. Things look and smell different. Everything is so vibrant and magical. The flowers and trees look exotic. I keep walking and surveying my surroundings. Then something catches my attention and I sprint towards it. The closer I get I realize it’s people screaming. But then it just stops, so I stop. I look around me and realize I am in the forbidden Grey Forest. I try to catch my bearings and figure out which direction I came from. The trees are gray and twisted in beautiful but deadly shapes and the plants look demonic like they could just jump out and eat you. But they are extremely beautiful that it is like they are calling to you to touch them. That noise again, I sprint again and this time it leads me to what looks like used to be a village. All of a sudden everything is burning around me. I can’t see a thing through the smoke and tears running down my face.
“Why are there tears running down my face.” I think to my self.
I do not understand. I hear screams and smell the coppery scent of blood. I use my sense of smell and hearing as best as possible to find where the people are. I want to help them, but I can’t find the source anywhere.
“What in the bloody hell is going on,” I think to myself.
I start walking not seeing where I’m going. It’s as if my feet are bringing me somewhere on their own. Try as I might I can not stop myself from going further. I do not want to see what is truly happening, because if I do I feel like it will become real. Right now, I feel like none of this is real, it just can not be. I am walking towards what looks like a building but I can not really tell through all the smoke. Finally at the building I push on the door and it swings open. I am being brought towards a set of stairs. The smoke is starting to clear but the coppery smell of blood is still strong. I slowly walk up the stairs. At the top I am brought to the right. There is a small door barely four feet high. I open it and go through.
My feet finally stop but I can not understand what I am seeing. It is like a veil has been pulled over my eyes and blurred my vision. In this one place there is no smoke, nor is there the smell of blood. I hear a faint noise but I can not make out what it could be. There it is again. I start to slowly walk towards that faint noise. I just have to know what it is. I round a corner and there just at the end of a short hall is something. But it is still all blurry. I get closer til I feel like if I take one more step I will step on it. I crouch down and slowly reach my hand out. But just before I make contact the thing rolls overs and whimpers.
“Go, You are not supposed to be here,” A musical voice says.
I jump,”Huh. Who is there?” I question.
I look around no one is there. I stare at the blurry creature in front of me, trying to understand. I try hard to fix my vision but try as I may I can not get a clear look at what is in front of me. It has to be something alive otherwise why would it whimper. I reach out again to touch it and see what is wrong with it. But I can not move. It is as if I am frozen. Oh my Gods and Goddesses it is a Brownie. The veil has finally been lifted. But I still can not move.
“GO NOW,” A harsh voice demands, “You can not be here any longer!”
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