Human(MxM)[UNEDITED]
Chapter 5

Asgeir POV

I was lost in thought as I wandered back to my room, feeling so exhausted after that session with Arvid. I suppose most of the tension in my body was not due to doing anything strenuous, but rather due to tensing my body out of nervousness, the entire time I was with Gregor.

I opened my room door and smiled when I saw Arkyn laying on my bed with his arm spread across his eyes. I closed the door slowly and tip toed towards my bed. I slowly laid down next to him, not wanting to wake him up.

"I heard through the grape vine, that you met Gregor." He said with his eyes closed.

"I did." I replied and looked at the ceiling.

"And?" He said turning his head, so he could look me in the eyes.

"And what?" I asked ,not looking at him.

"What did you think?" He asked.

"At this point, what I think about him doesn't really matter now does it? I still have to marry him." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"That doesn't mean that you can't have an opinion about him." Arkyn said.

"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" I asked,trying to change the subject, which he seemed to notice, but he didn't pester me and rather turned his head to look at the ceiling as well.

"Seventeen." He said , making me widen my eyes.

"That young? Who was he?" I asked curiously.

"A prince from a nearby kingdom. He came with his father to congratulate Dad when he fell pregnant with you." He said looking at the ceiling.

I could tell there was something about the incident that he had definitely caused him pain. I could hear it in his voice when he spoke, I wasn't sure if it was because I could see his eyes glistening as he spoke, or if it was they way his bottom lip slightly trembled.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I said. It was the first time that I actually saw him like this. He was always the strongest and most fierce of all my brothers, so to see him so vulnerable and hurt like this, really pained me.

"He was ten years older than me, but at that time it didn't matter to me. It felt so right and real, every time he would looked at me while his father spoke with Dad, I would get this tingly feeling all over, and I would feel so self conscious, that it almost felt like I was naked." He said smiling when he remembered.

"His father was a close friend of Dad's, and Dad wanted them to stay longer. I remember, I was never so excited in my entire life, I remember smiling like I had just gotten a new horse. In the days that followed, we spent a lot of time together. We practiced our sword fighting together and even went on late night rides. Before I knew what was going on, I found that I loved spending time with him. I loved the sound of his voice, I loved the way his eyes would sparkle when he spoke about things that he loved, I loved everything about him. " he said and I saw a small drop slowly roll down the side of his face as he spoke.

"And when we made love for the first time, I just knew. I knew he was the one, and I knew that I was in love him. When he told me that he loved me as well, I honestly felt warmth spread throughout out my body. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him." He said and wiped away the tear.

"After a few weeks, I found out I was pregnant. I was so overjoyed that I went immediately to tell him. I was even more glad when he kissed me and told me loved me and our baby. I felt like nothing in the world could ever tear us apart. But I was so wrong." He said as more tears rolled down his face.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Before I could start showing, he was called to war, to assist one of the kingdoms they had alliances with. We had decided not to tell our parents about our baby, until he married me. He felt that it was proper that way and I agreed." He said.

"I waited a whole month for him, until one morning a messenger came with a letter. I immediately recognized what the letter was, without having to open it. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was being choked. I took the letter from the messenger and went to my room. I felt my tears rolling down my face as I read the letter of condolence. It said that he had died on the battlefield and requested his general to send me a letter." He said and closed his eyes as the tears rolled down his face.

"I became so hysterical and I dropped the ground as I cried holding the letter to my chest. I could feel myself on the verge of having a panic attack and I would have, if it was not for the moisture that I felt rolling down my legs. But it was too late for me to call the doctor, because I knew that I had lost our baby. There was so much blood, I knew there was no way that our baby survived. And that is what was the most painful thing, that I had lost the last part of him. I had lost the only thing that would have reminded me of him. After that, I didn't tell anyone about us, or even our baby. I couldn't bring myself to. The pain was just too much to talk about it." He said.

"I couldn't eat or sleep. I became so depressed all the time, that I stopped talking, and would only talk when people spoke to me. I was so upset with everything and every one. I couldn't understand why they were taken from me. Why I had to lose the love of my life and my baby. I didn't understand what I had done so wrong to deserve that." He said and turned his head towards me.

"Until you were born." He said smiling at me through his tears.

"When Dad got sick, he wanted me to take care of you. I remember looking at him and wondering why he would want me, who had just turned eighteen, to take care of a newborn baby, when he had so many servants to do it, but it was the look in his eyes that told me he knew. That he could see the pain I was masking everytime I smiled. I remember taking you from his arms and looking at your pale tiny face and for the first time in a very long time, I felt genuinely happy and actually smiled. I held you to my chest and I felt such joy and happiness." He said smiling at me.

"I spent every minute of each day with you. I wouldn't let anyone touch or hold you. I wanted you to be in my sight at all times. And before I knew what was going on, you had become my everything. I would feel pain when you cried and I feel joy when you smiled. You, Asgeir, became my son." He said smiling and wiping away my tears that fell down my face.

"I knew that somehow Dad knew about the baby that I lost, even if he didn't ask me about it, I suppose a parent always knows, and that is why he gave me you, and I was so grateful that he didn't ask about it, he just knew." He said.

"You healed me. You took away that pain that I was feeling inside and filled me with so much happiness. And the first time you called me Dad, I remember looking at you with wide eyes, and I felt that very same warmth flood through me." He said as he caressed my cheek.

"I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to raise you and fell that utmost joy that you spread. You make people around you happy, that is just who you are, and if it was up to me, I would keep you right here in this palace." He said making us both laugh.

"I was so pissed when I found out that Father married you off. I remember that I was actually on the verge of telling him that he couldn't just marry off my son to whoever he felt." He said chuckling.

"And that is when it finally dawned upon me, that you aren't my son and I that I couldn't shield you from everything. As much as it pains me, I have to let you grow up and face your own battles." He said smiling at me.

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I scooted closer to him and placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

"You'll always be my Dad." I whispered.

"Don't let Dad hear you. He'll probably end up crying." He said making us both laugh.

"Thank you." I said, making him look down at me.

"For what? Taking care of you? I would have done it even if-"

"For telling me. I know it must have not been easy, and you opened up your wounds, but thank you for trusting me." I said smiling at him and wrapping an arm around his slender waist.

"Of course, I would do anything for my son." He said making us both laugh.

"Is that why you never married anyone, and declined all the proposals you got?" I asked as I laid on his chest.

"I could never love anyone as much as I loved him." He said as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"What was his name?" I asked as he smiled at me and pushed some of the hair out of my eyes and looked at me..

"Aron."

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