I Am Rosaline
Chapter 8

The darkness closed in around us and we stopped to set up camp. I helped Samara’s manservant, Benna, to pitch the tent. It was decided that Samara and I would share a tent while Merryn and Dorian took turns keeping watch. sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ FɪndNøvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

I was eager to talk to Samara alone to voice my concerns about Dante without the others hearing.

I held the flap aside while Benna helped Samara get settled onto cushions. He placed a blanket around her thin, stooped shoulders, poured water into a small bowl in front of her and proceeded to wash her feet. I left them to complete their ablutions and went looking for the guys.

I didn’t have to go far before I found them quietly talking at the edge of the camp. “What are you guys up to? Are we going to discuss a few things now or shall we do it tomorrow?” I asked putting my hands on my hips.

They turned simultaneously and looked at me. They looked like complete opposites, what with Merryn’s scruffy torn jeans and leather jacket and Dorian’s neat black getup and neatly cropped hair. Merryn was very tall and darkly tanned and Dorian, who wasn’t as tall as Merryn, but still fairly tall, was fair. His skin, hair and eyes were pale. Remembering his injury I asked jokingly, “How are you feeling, by the way? All healed and ready to roll?”

“Thank you for asking, I am doing very well. All healed and, as you say, ready to roll.” He looked directly at me and it felt as though he could see right through me.

“What exactly is it you would like to discuss this evening, Rosaline?” Merryn asked. I turned and looked at him, still with my hands on my hips.

“Well, based on recent events I think that we should discuss a plan of action, so that we are all on the same page so to speak.” I said, standing in front of him and craning my neck to look up at his face.

“Well, my opinion is that you should go and get into the tent with Samara and relax for now. Dorian and I will take care of all the first watches. That is, after all, what we are here for. Please, before you argue,” he said, holding up his hand, “you can be woken up for your share of the watch. You don’t have to protect yourself all the time, you know. We are here to help you, so please, let us do that, but you can share the duties because we would also like some rest.”

I looked from him to Dorian and narrowed my eyes, “You made it clear that you have been with me many times, through many of my lives, right? So, you know I am more than willing to share the load and help out. Wake me when it is my turn, okay?”

“You have not changed much over all of your lives. Sometimes you look a bit different, but you have always had a fiery temperament which cannot be missed and I know you always offer and do your share. Thank you Rose.”

Just then Dorian said, “I am going to walk the perimeter and when I get back I will sit near the tent while Merryn goes up for a while. Are we all good with that?” After nods all round I walked off towards Samara’s tent. When I entered Samara looked up and smiled her blind smile. “Come, sit with me.” She patted the cushions beside her.

“Benna, please get something to clean Rosaline’s wounds. Thank you.” She said staring off into the distance. “Rosaline, Merryn and Dorian are here to help and protect you. You must allow them to do that. There is much you still need to do, so once Benna is finished cleaning your wounds we will concentrate on you.”

Benna was already kneeling in front of me with a bowl of water and some cloth. I allowed him to clean the blood from my face and wipe the cuts and scrapes I had received during my tangle with the foul smelling Gibborus.

“Erro has an army out there, Samara, and I fear that she will attack at any given moment and there are only three of us. I am feeling just a little apprehensive right now, so please forgive my moodiness.”

Benna left the tent and I continued, “I think I should also let you know that I am feeling a strong compulsion to head in a westerly direction of the mountain. It’s a feeling I have had for a while now and I am hoping you can help me confirm this.” I lowered my voice, “I also have grave concerns about Dante. He was affected and used by Erro once before and I am afraid he has never really been free of her. I know I have no evidence of this, but I just need to voice my concern.” I said looking at her closed eyes.

“I understand your concerns, but come, hold my hand and let us relax together. Your need to head west into the mountains is a good start. It shows me that you are using your inner eye subconsciously and that is a very good thing indeed. Let us join together and see where we go from here.”

I took her frail hand in mine and closed my eyes.

Just then I heard the tent rustle. I knew it was Dorian sitting silently outside while Merryn was above us. I felt very secure knowing that they were with me. I started thinking again about Dorian and Merryn. I knew that they knew each other, but I would love to know how. Dorian was as cold as ice and acted as though he had been programmed to show no emotional responses whereas Merryn smiled and talked freely. He was warm and good-natured and appeared to be quite genuine toward Samara and myself.

Only now did I realize that I had no idea who Benna was and where exactly he came from. I trusted Samara and was sure her judgment in her manservant was sound, but I decided to make it a priority and my business to know everyone around me.

“I feel I need to show you something very important, Rose, and I know it will be disturbing but you are going to have to understand what you are being forced to face. I am going to take you into the vile depths of evil and you will experience the suffocating dark forces and claustrophobic darkness from whence Erro has come. There is power in the understanding of your opponent’s strengths and within that understanding you are able to not only figure out their weaknesses, but to act upon them too.”

I shuddered at the thought of having to experience darkness because I could feel a small drop of this ugliness in the pit of my soul. The rage I had felt towards the Gibborus earlier, made it possible for me to behave like a depraved maniac. I wanted to kill it and I wanted to make it scream in pain. I was afraid of this feeling and I knew that I had to make a very strong mental effort to keep this evil little seed in its place. Did we all have this or was it just me? I couldn’t conceive of someone who was part angel having evil within them. Then again, the angels did fall from grace and disobey their master. Maybe we were born like this and it was our lifelong battle to see which seed became hungrier and which one we fed the most to bloom into a billowing tree.

“Alright. When you are ready I am ready.” I said and even I could hear the slight tremor in my voice.

Samara squeezed my hand and I remained silent with my eyes closed. I silenced my thoughts and cut out the external noises of the crickets and nocturnal birds. I slowly started to relax and my mind grew foggy. There was mist everywhere and I felt a little off balance because I wasn’t quite sure where I was walking. Suddenly I realized that I was still holding someone’s hand. I looked over to see who it was and was so very happy to see Dorian with me. His grip was cold but very tight and he looked at me. “Don’t let go of my hand until the mist lifts and when it does try very hard to keep your thoughts to yourself. You need to keep your mind quiet. And Rose, I am asking you very nicely, please listen to everything I say and do not go off on your own. I will not be able to get you back if I lose you. Do you understand?”

I stared at him because his mouth did not move, but I heard his voice and as I opened my mouth to say something, he held his finger to my lips to silence me and pointed to his head. From this I gathered that I should talk to him with my mind. “Okay. You are in charge. Can we talk like this all the time?” I looked at him while I said this and he rolled his eyes and shook his head as though he gave up on me. “Keep quiet now, please.” Looking at me with his ice blue eyes I felt just a little unnerved. I wondered how Dorian knew about this place and how often he had been here.

“Hush!” his jaw was clenched.

“Okay!” I made a motion like pulling a zipper closed over my mouth. He pulled me forward roughly, shaking his head at me.

I could feel rough terrain under my boots and there was a strong odour of sulphur in the air and heat, lots of heat. If I did not know any better I would think that this was either a volcano or at least very close to one. The mist started to dissipate and I could vaguely make out rocks and steam and saw that we were heading towards what looked like a cliff. I decided I had better not irritate Dorian or he may just toss me over the edge.

Dorian slowed his pace and started to crouch down, so I followed until eventually we were lying flat on the rocky surface and slowly creeping forward. Dorian let go of my hand and looking at me, put his finger to his mouth. I frowned at him. I was damned sure that I knew by now to keep quiet and keep my thoughts to myself. Gosh, he could be annoying. Either that or he didn’t trust me.

I crawled closer to him and the lip of the cliff and carefully pulled myself up a little so that I could look over. To my horror I saw that we were definitely on something that resembled a volcano, but with a whole lot of red-hot rocks inside. On the sides of this crater-like rock volcano were caves. I had never seen anything like this before and as my eyes adjusted to the hazy darkness I could make out figures in the caves and on the walls of the cliff.

I froze on the spot when I realized that I was looking at hordes of Gibborus swarming on the walls and rocks in the cavern below. Here they were not as they had appeared to me before. They had no clothes covering their grey bodies. They were bald and shiny and their small bodies were very muscular and to my horror I saw that they had swishing tails like that of a cat, of at least two to three feet long. Their agility on the sharp rocks was amazing and their tails clearly helped them balance when they jumped from one rock to another. I noticed that they didn’t appear to be using their wings and decided that maybe it was because of the sulphur in the air. That was probably also the reason their wings looked so tatty and moth eaten. Oh crap! They had no genitalia. They were neither man, nor woman. They looked as though they had been cloned. There was no difference between them at all. No individuality.

A loud screeching made me swing around to the right and I saw two of these creatures fighting. They were clawing at each other and ripping at one another’s flesh with their talons. Sharp jagged teeth were gnashing at each other and they seemed to not notice when the one lost its footing and they both went tumbling over the jagged rocks. Their dark blood rushing out of their wounds did not seem to stop them, but seemed instead to incite excitement from the other creatures that had now crowded around and were hissing and screeching in wild excitement.

I started to feel an old familiar heat in the pit of my stomach. It was radiating outward and I began to experience an excitement that I could not explain. I pulled myself a little closer and when Dorian put his hand on my arm, I spun around ready to attack, but quickly composed myself when I realized that it was him next to me and not one of these creatures.

Dorian watched my face with narrowed eyes and I couldn’t fathom what he was thinking, but it quickly dawned on me that this was an infectious evil that I could so easily succumb to. It would be so easy to get angry and lash out and hurt him and maybe draw blood. This was what Samara was talking about. I was here to learn how to keep this anger under wraps. It was not as easy as it sounded when she spoke to me. Oh man, how easy would it be to give in to this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I moved backwards, a little away from the lip of the cliff, and put my head down and closed my eyes. Dorian put his hand on my shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. I appreciated the kind gesture. I took a few deep breaths and retreat deeper within myself to gain control of the impulse to jump up and allow the frenzy below to affect me. What was this place and why did it affect me like this? Was this a test or something? I needed to mentally ward off the effects of my surroundings.

I opened my eyes and looked at Dorian who was still gazing into the abyss. The sound of the screeching, hissing and howling climbed up the sides of the cliff and into my psyche once more. I am for good, I kept thinking. I do only good deeds and harm none! I moved forward again to look back down. A number of the others had joined the fight against one of their own. There must be at least five of them against one, and they were ripping at its flesh and wings. The howls grew louder and then all of a sudden there was silence. I was stunned by the immediate quiet and watched as they all scrambled over the jagged rocks and over one another toward the caves, leaving the injured Gibborus lying on the rocks. I was confused and squinted into the darkness to see if I was able to see anyone or anything, but I saw nothing.

I sensed a movement next to me and looked at Dorian who pointed above and showed me to pull my jacket collar as far over my head as possible. I did this and tried to look above without moving my head too much. I felt a tightening on my shoulder and realized that Dorian had never taken his hand off me. I was curious to see what it was that had caused these creatures to run like rats from a sinking ship.

I didn’t have long to wait. No sooner did I look back toward the caves than there was a loud shuffling sound above the far end of the gaping crevice and the sulphuric mist started swirling. I saw bare feet slowly touch the jagged rocks. The mist started to clear even more and I felt my eyes widening as I looked at the creature that had put so much fear into the loathsome Gibborus.

Her wings were huge and pale-grey and looked as though they were covered in gold dust that shone and glittered so beautifully with the glow of the red rocks below. Her long black hair hung down to her waist. Her arms and legs were bare and her skin was beautifully bronzed, as though she had been in the sun for a while. Her aura was absent. - She had no aura! I was stunned. I thought that only light workers, like Samara and myself, could disguise our auras. Then I looked at her face. I was totally mesmerized by how beautiful she was. From this distance I could not tell her eye colour, but I could see the beautiful smile on her face as she held her arms open in a gesture encouraging the creatures to come out of their caves. Hesitantly they started poking their heads out and squabbling as to who would be the first to move forward.

Her gaze fell on the injured creature below and her smile disappeared. Within a millisecond she was crouching down beside it and gently touching its face. When she looked up towards the others, she no longer looked like the beauty I had seen standing above them a second ago. The look on her face had changed and her eyes were blazing red. She let out a screech so loud I thought I would go deaf.

The creatures scuttled back into their caves in fear as she continued screeching and hissing. This was obviously how they communicated, and she was giving them a telling off of note. She stood up and moved forward, holding her hands out in front of her in what was almost a begging gesture. A Gibborus crept slowly out of a cave at least five feet above her. With its head down, it climbed down towards her, but its eyes kept darting in her direction, as if knowing that it was being chastised. As it moved closer, it started gnashing its teeth and hissing, but still not looking directly at her. This creature clearly feared for itself.

She held her hand out and it moved closer. I could see her wings slowly retracting. I realized then that she was not the same as them, because Gibborus were unable to retract their wings, and yet she wielded considerable power over them.

As the creature came within arms distance, she shocked even me, by pouncing forward, grabbing it by the top of the head and in a flash pulling its head back and ripping her clearly very sharp teeth into its neck. It let out a scream like that of an injured wolf but she continued gripping its head and shoulder and biting and ripping at its neck.

I felt a heat rising up in my throat. I was disgusted, but couldn’t pull my eyes away from the terrible scene playing out in front of me. Dorian’s hand felt like a weight on my shoulder and I tried to shake him off, but he just pushed harder. I felt irritated by him and looked over at him to show my annoyance, but as I caught his eye he motioned with his head that we had to move back and away. I didn’t want to go yet. I wanted to see what happened and I wanted to take a closer look at this woman, but clearly Dorian wouldn’t let me.

With an aggressive movement of my shoulder I showed him that I wanted to stay but he quietly looked at me and closed his eyes. Admitting defeat I started to slowly crawl backwards with him.

The howling from the injured creature had stopped, but the others had started screeching in unison even louder than before. I wanted to see what they were up to.

Dorian took his hand off my shoulder and edged back. I looked over and saw that he was moving just a bit faster than I was, so I took the chance and moved forward to quickly look over the edge. My eyes were drawn back to the scene and I felt a scream building up that I couldn’t seem to hold back. What was happening below heated my stomach and made my eyes water. What was wrong with me? Why did I have to come back to see this?

All of a sudden I felt a great pressure on my back. I didn’t have to guess that it was Dorian. Roughly he put his hand over my mouth and pushed my head down. I could feel the sharp rocks cutting my chin and pressing through my clothes, but I kept looking at the raw evil of what is going on below us.

The other Gibborus had joined in with ripping the creature limb from limb, but that was not all. They were tearing strips of flesh off the creature and eating it. The injured one fared no better, because it was being treated in much the same fashion while the woman, whom had lost all her beauty to me, stood back and watched the carnage with a sick smile and blood smeared across her face. She began laughing which pitched into an ear splitting scream. There was no compassion or thought for their own kind, just blatant and inhumane evil.

I felt Dorian start to move back and I moved slowly with him. His hand was still tightly pressed over my mouth and it was a while before we were able to stand up. I could feel the cuts on my chin and the scratches on my hands, but I kept moving with Dorian.

He turned to me and pointed to his back and I understood that he was telling me to unfurl my wings. I watched him close his eyes and his wings showed themselves very slowly and quietly. He opened his eyes and looked at me and then pointed to his head and closed his eyes again so I closed my eyes and concentrated on unfurling my wings slowly and quietly I felt them gently spreading. I opened my eyes to see Dorian smiling and nodding his head in approval. I returned his smile and took the cold hand that he held out to me. Slowly we moved up and I concentrated on keeping my wings as quiet as possible.

As soon as we were covered by the mist, he let go of my hand and indicated the direction in which we had to go to get away from the craziness below us.

The air became cleaner and clearer as we flew and it felt as though I was having an air bath with all the dirt, anger and aggression being washed off. I began to feel lighter and enjoyed flying with Dorian. I looked below and I saw nothing, but I felt free and smiled to myself. I knew that I couldn’t think of anything yet because this place was definitely not safe. There was a lot for me to think about and go over in my mind, but not yet. Now all I wanted to do was enjoy the feeling of being free.

I flew up higher and practised the moves I had seen Dorian performing during his tangle with a Gibborus a few weeks before. I darted from side to side and did flips and dives and folded my wings back in a split second and covered myself with them. To fold my wings around me was one of the nicest things I had learned to do because now I could figure out how Dorian was able to do it and still fend off his attacker. I could see through my wings just as easily as if they were made of glass. How awesome was this?

“Try doing all of that with a sword.” I heard Dorian’s voice and looked around to see him further behind me. I waited for him to catch up, “Give me a sword and I will give it a shot.” I said. He just smiled and shook his head, “I am sure you will do fine, but now is not the time. On a more serious note, what you did back there was very stupid. I did not want you to see that because there was no real need to. You saw what was necessary. You needed to see the power she has over those evil creatures and you saw them for what they really are. Mindless drones that are drawn to pure evil. You could have gotten us into a real situation down there, so please, in future would you please try and stick to the rules?” I looked at him and saw the smile was gone from his face and it was set in stone again.

I had to admit, he was right. It could have ended very badly. We were outnumbered and clearly she had some sort of hold over the Gibborus. The closer to evil the harder it became to think clearly. I caught myself up short and asked, “Was that Erro? If it is we must go back and follow her to where she hides. We cannot miss this opportunity Dorian. Why didn’t you tell me?” I was angry now with Dorian for keeping information from me again and angry with myself for not realizing this in the first place.

“We don’t know what Erro looks like, Rosaline. That could just as well have been one of her minions. She does have them, you know, and besides, the vibration of our wings would have brought instant attention to us and you would have been in immediate danger and that was so not the point of this little trip. You are with me to learn, so try to learn something tonight. Anyway, did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, Erro was on the sidelines watching what was going on with her army?”

I had absolutely no reply so I just looked ahead of me and went over every detail of what I had seen. Dorian was right, of course. I had to learn to take instruction and not be so hot headed and want to do everything my way. I had to learn to be quiet. In every sense of the word. An apology was required.

“I am sorry, Dorian. What I did was stupid and thoughtless. It will not happen again.” And I hoped he would know I was sincere and accept my apology, but he remained silent.

I once again, went over what I had witnessed. We saw one crater with approximately a couple of hundred Gibborus, but if I went back over what we had seen, I could recall more than one crater. In fact there were several craters and those were only the ones we could make out in the mist and dark. If Erro was using them as an army, they were clearly a force to be reckoned with. If I had to put a number on them, I would estimate a few thousand and after what I had seen they were vicious killers who obviously had no regard for one another, so clearly would care even less for anyone or anything else.

The woman they were so afraid of amazed me even more. When I first saw her I was in awe of her beauty and it was almost as though her presence put me into a trance of sorts. I was totally mesmerized by her. I could have easily climbed down and gone to her, which in itself was a truly scary thought. Then when she saw an injured creature her whole demeanour changed. Even her hair colour went from a beautiful glistening and shiny black to a very dull, dark grey. Her skin colour was almost the same grey colour as her hair and her eyes were blazing red, like red-hot coals. She went from an amazing beauty to a frighteningly evil looking woman. Who could possibly be able to do that? I sighed loudly, realizing that there would be more questions that needed answers when we got back.

“Take my hand and do as I say, okay?” I looked at Dorian and he was his old self again with the straight face and cold eyes. I felt sad because I liked the smiling Dorian. Everything about him changed when he smiled and I could only imagine how much more he would change when he laughed.

I put my hand out and he took it. We slowed down quite a bit and started heading down into the mist again. I automatically retracted my wings slowly and quietly and by the time my feet touched the ground, they were completely retracted. Dorian touched down beside me and let my hand go. I look around and saw that we were standing in a field of sugar cane. I looked up and I saw no stars.

“Where are we now?” I asked Dorian. He put his hand on my shoulder and nudged me forward a little. I stepped out of the cane into an open field. In the distance I could the see lights of a house. I started walking towards it. I walked a few paces before stepping in something slippery and smelly. I stopped and looked down to try to see what it was. By the smell I realized that it was cow dung and that this must be a farm. I walked and dragged my foot through the grass to try and get the muck off my boot. I could hear Dorian snickering quietly behind me. Feeling indignant I continued to clean my boot. “Ha-ha. I worry about your sense of humour, Dorian.” I said without looking at him.

What on earth were we doing here? I didn’t feel afraid here, but I did feel a bit apprehensive because the house started to look very familiar.

It was a rectangular shaped house with a large garden and I could see two dogs near the front gate. As we drew nearer I could hear shouting coming from inside the house. I stopped walking and looked at Dorian.

“What is this Dorian? This place is very familiar and I am getting a bad feeling in my stomach about this.” I looked at him and waited for his reply, but he said nothing and instead took me by the elbow and urged me quietly forward. The shouting grew louder as we climbed quietly over the fence and stayed in the shadows. I moved forward a little to look through the window to see what was going on.

“How could you do this? What did I ever do wrong to you to deserve this? I am sick of your drinking and your constant lying, not to mention how you treat the children and me. You disgust me and I want nothing more to do with you. I am leaving and this time it is for good. I will not be back. You can sell everything in this house to pay for your booze habit and your sluts, I don’t care anymore. I would rather have nothing and be happy than stay here and be as miserable as I am right now.” The woman spoke with strong conviction. Her back was to me so I couldn’t see her face, but I saw her long fiery red hair tied up in a thick ponytail. She was shouting at a clearly drunk man sitting on a settee. As he stood up I could see his face and I almost dropped to my knees. Dorian came up behind me and held my shoulders and said, “You need to see this. Just remain calm and observe.”

This was a horrible moment in my last life. I had tried very hard to forget this night and I didn’t want to go back there and remember any of it. The pain was just too much and this was not what I thought it was about. I wanted to turn around and say so to Dorian, but he gripped my shoulders and held me to the spot. So, instead, I watched the scene play out in front of me. It was like I was looking through a crack in time and it made my chest hurt.

I looked up and watched through the window as the husband stood up and stepped in front of her. He put his hands around her neck and pushed her up against the wall. “Shut your mouth you irritating bitch! Where do you think you are going to go? Who will want you? Nobody in their right mind will want you or need you. You will never get better than me!” the very drunk man yelled while pushing her up against the wall. She was struggling to get out of his grasp because she couldn’t breathe and eventually she managed to punch him in the belly. He fell back and she managed to get away from him.

“I am sick of this. You are not the be-all and end-all you bastard. Touch me again and I will have you arrested. You have no right to hurt me like this and I am serious about leaving.” She said as tears streamed down her face.

“Fine. Pack up and go. I don’t care and take your fucking brats with you!” he spat at her and moved back to his chair where he picked up a bottle of beer, sat down and watched television.

She was a sobbing, heartbroken woman who walked up the passage and started opening cupboards and removing clothing. She walked in and out of the garage several times, packing the car and then went to collect her children who had been hiding in the bedroom and ushered and settled them in the car. She quickly returned to her bedroom to collect a file marked “Private” and rushed back to the garage, got in the car and, for the last time, drove away from the house.

I wanted to run after her to tell her she was going to be alright, but once again Dorian stopped me and pointed to the lounge.

I looked through the window once more and saw him sitting there in silence just looking off into space, and then he burst into tears and started crying. He leaned forward in his chair as though he had a stomachache and sobbed loudly. He slid off the chair and kneeled on the floor, bent forward with his forehead on the floor, still sobbing and crying, “Why? Why do I do this? Oh God help me please. I don’t want to do this anymore but I can’t seem to stop. I love her and I treat her like crap. I love the children, but I never spend time with them. The addiction is like having a demon on my back with tentacles pushed through me and holding on! I just want to die. Please let me die.” And he fell forward onto the carpet and sobbed even harder, rolled up on his side in a fetal position.

I never knew about this and it hurt like crazy knowing that two and a half months later he did die. How could he know that he was hurting everyone so badly and simply continue to behave so badly? I know now that he felt badly, but nothing seemed to help him. Not even all the love I had to give, and love him, I did.

I was just about to turn to Dorian and tell him that I wanted to leave now when something caught my eye. Looking up, I saw her sitting on the roof of the house with a wicked smile on her face and spun around to Dorian. He looked sadly at me and shook his head. Dammit, I had to remember that these were merely shadows of my past and I could not make any changes or interfere.

I couldn’t clearly make out her face, but there she was, sitting on the roof and enjoying the pain in that house. So, she had been after me forever. Is it possible she was the demon on his back, encouraging the addiction? The gentle whispering in the ear during sleep? Well, here I was now and if she wanted me, she was welcome to find me, I was so ready for her, I could taste it.

Dorian put his arm around me and moved us further into the shadows and before I knew it, we were back at the edge of the forest.

“Why did I have to see that, Dorian? That was a very long time ago and those are memories I really did not want to remember.” I spoke without looking at him.

“You had to see the lengths she would go to, Rosaline, to destroy and hurt you. You also needed to see that everything was not as it seemed. Please take some comfort in knowing how sorry he was for what he did to you and your children.” He almost sounded as though he was pleading with me, but I wasn’t ready for this.

“I want to get back to Samara. I am tired and I need to rest a while.” I knew my voice sounded tired, but I spoke with finality.

We returned to our little camp and I opened my eyes to see Samara staring blindly at me. I leaned forward and she took my face in her hands and put my head on her shoulder. I felt such compassion and comfort coming from her, that I almost collapsed into her.

I slipped into peacefulness, quietness and calmness and that was exactly how I wanted to remain.

Except the pain and images did not entirely go away. I held on to them a little longer because that is where I got my strength.

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