My Kingdom Come book 1: The Saints We See
Chapter 44: Fading

667 standard years after the signing of the Alliance

Hathu was sitting at one of the stone tables in the courtyard, working on the paper he had due next week. Someone sat across from him with a huff. Hathu recognized Nojus’ scent. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them and looked up at her.

“I heard you in Regia’s room last night. You need to stop waking her up at all hours, just because you’re having a hard time sleeping.”

Hathu raised his eyebrows at her.

“Yeah, I heard you pounding away in the training room last night, freak.”

Hathu sighed. “Is this about what I said in class about your presentation? Your ideas were good, really good. You just ha-”

“No. This is about you keeping Regia up at night!”

Hathu frowned. There were tears starting in Nojus’ eyes. “I didn-”

“She’s dying. The doctor gave her three months at the most.”

Hathu stared at her for a long moment. He realized he had stopped breathing. He took a breath. “What?”

“She didn’t want us to know. I overheard the doctor talking to mom and dad.” Tears began to spill down Nojus’ cheeks. “And here you are, you oblivious, selfish, pig, waking her up at night, taking even more of her life away!”

Hathu stared at her. “She’s dying? The treatments stopped working?”

Nojus nodded. “The last two times they tried to drain her venom it didn’t work. The medication can’t get it to…the venom is just staying in her organs now and they’re dying; she’s dying. So… so for once in your life, think about someone else!”

Hathu could feel his control slipping. His prime wanted out and he was losing the will to keep it in check. It was one thing for fate to make him suffer, but what right did it have to take Regia’s life away?

I will not become beast. I will not be like my father. “I’m so sorry, Nojus.” He shoved his datapad into his pocket, got up and began walking rapidly towards the edge of campus. All he had to do was step off the wrong side of the campus and they would come for him.

“Where are you going?” Nojus called. She got up and started following him. “Where are you going?”

“I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago.” Hathu growled.

“Oh, what, you’re going to profess your undying love for Regia?”

“Nojus, leave me alone.” Students were turning to stare as Hathu and Nojus passed them, but that was the least of his concerns.

“You’re just like your father! Selfish, stupid-”

Hathu felt his prime pushing to the front. He began to run. Pain shot through the leg Hathu had shattered years before in the explosion trap his father had left for him. It still hurt sometimes.

“God’s, I hate you, Hathu!” Nojus grabbed his shoulder.

Hathu spun around. It took all his power to control the urge to attack her. “Leave me alone!”

“You’re going to try to get yourself arrested, aren’t you?”

Hathu stared at her, his chest heaving, his hands clenched into trembling fists.

Nojus snorted. “You really think that’s going to help? Dad’s going to spend all his time at the palace petitioning the king to let you out again. Mom’s going to be stressed out trying to handle everything with Regia’s health on her own. Regia is going to feel guilty because she’s dying while you’re in jail and everyone is stressed out. Just calm down, okay? I’m sorry. I just…I just…” She shut her eyes and pressed her lips together for a moment. When she opened her eyes there were tears in them. “I just need to know you’re not going to make things more difficult for Regia or anyone else. Okay?”

“I am doing my gods’ dammed best to not cause trouble for anyone, Nojus.”

“Hathu?”

Hathu turned quickly, frowning. “Jed?”

The man smiled at him. “No, I’m his double. He asked me to keep an eye on you while he was away. I noticed your levels have gotten pretty high and they are staying high and…” He pulled a hypodermic needle out of his pocket and looked questioningly at Hathu.

Hathu stared at the syringe and swallowed harshly.

“Jed?” Nojus said in an incredulous voice. “Jed?!”

The man turned to her and gave her a slight bow. “Please, let’s not cause a scene, Mistress Hira.” He turned back to Hathu. “Do you want this?”

Hathu swallowed again. He held out his hand. “Yeah. Thank you.”

The man handed the needle to Hathu. Nojus’ hand shot out and closed over Hathu’s. “Is that zarpan?” She asked sharply.

Hathu’s hand clenched under her grip. He glared at her. “This is what you want, isn’t it? Peace in the house?”

Nojus bit her lip. “Hathu…you can’t function when you’re on this stuff. You just become this mindless, soulless…body.”

“I don’t have any other options. Unless…” Hathu turned to Jed’s double. Why does Jed have a double? “You can take me hunting?”

“No, I’m sorry. I would not be permitted to do that.”

“Alright then.” Hathu jerked his hand out of Nojus’ grasp and pushed the drug into his pocket. “Thank you, uh…” he turned back to Jed’s double.

“Yeah, what’s this ‘Jed’ business. His name is Prince Jedith.” Nojus said in an incredulous whisper.

Hathu blinked and looked back at Nojus. “What?!”

Nojus nodded at him, her eyes big.

Hathu turned back to the man. “Prince…? Why…why didn’t he tell me?”

The man smiled. “Prince Jedith does not have many friends who see him for anything beyond his title or what he can do for them. He values you and your friendship. He knows that you have many enemies, he didn’t want to complicate things for you. You…were not supposed to find out. I’m sorry. That was my fault.”

Hathu shook his head. “No, that was…” he glanced at Nojus, then quickly away. “It’s okay. I won’t tell him.”

The man’s smile widened slightly. “Unfortunately I do not have the same luxury of withholding information from him. Prince Jedith will be pleased if this information does not change things between you, though.”

Hathu nodded, wondering how in the world he was going to act the same around Jed- Prince Jedith, now that he knew who he was. “Thank you very much for,” he patted his pocket.

“Of course. I’m sorry I can’t do more. I will bring you another dose next week.”

Hathu looked down at his feet and nodded. “Yeah. That would be great. Thank you. This is…good. It’s…” He took a deep breath, looked up and forced a smile. “It’s really helpful.”

The man gave another small bow and began to walk away. Hathu stared after him. The man hadn’t given them his name. His scent was nearly identical to Jed’s. If Hathu hadn’t known he wasn’t Jed, he wouldn’t have taken any notice of the slight difference.

“I can’t believe you’ve been going hunting with Prince Jedith!” Nojus breathed.

Hathu glanced at Nojus, who was still staring after Jed’s- Prince Jedith’s double with an incredulous look on her face. His prime pressed to come to the front of his consciousness again. Hathu pressed his lips together and turned away. He needed to get the zarpan into his body as soon as possible. He started walking to the nearest bathroom.

“Hey, wait.” Nojus’s voice was hard. She jogged to catch up and walked next him, still half jogging to keep up with his longer stride. “Hathu, you can’t take that. We have finals coming up. You’ll flunk every single one of them.”

“I don’t have a choice, Nojus. I can barely keep my prime in check lately and it just keeps getting more difficult.”

“But…you can skip it on the days you have tests, right?”

Hathu clenched his jaw. “No. I can’t. The zarpan suppresses my natural inhibitors. When I’m on it my prime will get completely out of control. The only reason it doesn’t come to the front is because…well everything is suppressed. I won’t be able to come off the zarpan till I’m somewhere where my prime can take over till it runs it’s course and I…I can’t hurt anyone.”

When General Kahn had first taken Hathu into custody, back in the prison colony, he had put Hathu on zarpan the moment he noticed Hathu’s irises thinning. Two weeks after Veli had gotten Hathu out of prison, he’d hired a doctor to get Hathu off the zarpan. The doctor had dropped Hathu and a flock of goats off on a deserted moon, along with three days worth of supplies. Hathu had torn the entire flock of goats to pieces a few hours after the medication wore off. It took him another week to calm down enough for them to pick him up. Hathu grit his teeth at the memory. He had never wanted to go through that again.

Maybe he should just stay on the zarpan this time.

“Hathu…do you know how hard dad worked to get you into officer’s school? And if you flunk this year, you won’t get another chance to come back. That’s really going to upset him.”

They had reached the bathroom. Hathu stopped walking and turned to face her. “Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? Me quiet and out of the way, not a problem anymore? I’ve tried so hard to get along with you, Nojus, but nothing I do is good is ever good enough. Look, I’m not going to make things harder for Regia, or the- for you, for your family. You’ve all…sacrificed enough for me.”

She stared at him incredulously. “How dare-” Sᴇaʀch Thᴇ Find_Nøvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

Her words lost clarity, becoming just an annoying whine. The urge to attack her nearly overwhelmed Hathu. He jerkily turned and pushed open the door to the bathroom. He stumbled into the nearest stall and slammed the door behind himself. He fumbled the latch shut and collapsed on the edge of the toilet seat, unbuttoned his sleeve and rolled it up till it was snug on his upper forearm.

The bathroom door opened. “Hathu, wait. There has to be another way.”

“This is the men’s bathroom, Nojus.” He pulled the syringe out of his pocket and pulled the cap off the end of the needle with his teeth. He spat the cap on the floor, bent his elbow and squeezed his fist. His rolled up shirt sleeve tightened around his arm as his muscles flexed. He watched his veins rise. He picked one and then hesitated. Once he gave control to the zarpan there was no easy way to get it back. It might be impossible with the restrictions his house arrest put him under.

Nojus walked up to the other side of the stall door. “Hathu…” She sounded like she was going to start crying again.

Hathu’s jaw ached with the need to bite, tear, to release his pent up emotions and venom. His vision was swimming in and out of focus. He grit his teeth and pushed the needle into his vein. He pressed the plunger, hissing softly at the sting. He emptied the glass tube, jerked the needle out, released his fist and unrolled his sleeve.

“Hathu?”

Hathu closed his eyes as the drug flooded into his system. He let out a breath, his head dropping back in relief as his prime sank into the background for the first time in weeks, then dullness slithered over his senses. Hathu clenched his jaw and pulled his chin to his chest. It was like the world was being drained of color, sound, and scent. His emotions slowly flattened. They would continue to flatten out over the next few weeks until he couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“Fuck,” he muttered. He’d forgotten how awful it was to be on zarpan.

“Hathu? Are you okay?”

Hathu blinked. He lifted his chin, stared dully at the grey stall door for a moment, then stood and opened it. “I’m fine.”

Nojus stared up at him for a long moment then she took the needle from him and tossed it into the trash. “Come on, you stupid man. Let’s go home.”

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