The morning turns warm. “Do you want to swim?” I ask.
“Sure.” We return to our cabana to get ready. Dustin pulls his shirt off and turns to me. “Will you put sunscreen on my back?”
I try to say okay, but I can’t speak. I’ve never seen Dustin without his shirt, and his muscles are distracting me. How can one man be so handsome and also have a body like that? His muscles have muscles.
I clear my throat. “Yes. Hand me the muscle. I mean bottle.”
Dustin tosses it at me, then stands with his back toward me. I apply the lotion, rubbing it over his smooth skin. The contact makes my heart pound.
His phone rings as I’m applying his sunscreen, and he reaches over and picks up the call. “Hello?”
I can’t hear the other person, but his muscles stiffen and I can tell he’s not very happy. “No, now’s not a good time, Mom.”
I finish rubbing in the lotion and close the cap on the tube. I toss it in my bag. Dustin turns to me and mouths, “I’ll just be a second.” Into the phone he says, “Actually, I’m on vacation. Can I call you back?”
He ends the call and sets his phone down on his lounge chair. He exhales and I can tell something is bothering him. “Bad call?” I ask.
“It’s just my mom. She wants to come visit.”
“And you don’t want her to?”
He gives me a look, and I’m not sure how to interpret it. “She’s a bit…opinionated about things.”
“Ah. I get it. She wants to tell you how to live your life.”
He nods. “Yeah, something like that.”
“I’m sorry.” I place a hand on his arm. “That must be difficult.”
“Everything is fine as long as I’m doing what she wants.” He gives me a small smile. “But when I don’t, things can get strained.”
“You’ll have to find a way to tell her to mind her own business.” I give him a smile like I’ve just solved world peace.
He smiles back. “Yeah. Easier said than done.”
I don’t ask about what his mother is pressuring him to do. I figure it’s not my business, and if he wants to tell me he will. “Let’s go get in the water.”
“Okay.”
Dustin and I get in the warm, June water. We play in the waves and enjoy the sun. I let myself go, ignoring the nagging feeling that this can’t last. That none of this is real. Or that he could be acting this whole time. I need this right now. I need him.
I don’t usually get very selfish, but this is something I’m selfishly clinging to. And I’m going to keep clinging until Jera forces me out of this role and back to my own life.
We grab our equipment and snorkel along the rocky shore and get some great views of sea stars, urchins, and anemones. I find myself enchanted with how the light plays off the reefs and sea life. This is my first time snorkeling, and I wish I could capture all the bright, colorful fish on film so I could paint them later.
We get hungry and decide to grab something to eat. I slip my sandals and coverup on, and we walk to the outdoor restaurant, Squint following along. I pull a doggie treat out of my pocket and toss it. Squint runs and eats it. Dustin smirks at me, which makes me laugh.
The cement terrace is filled with glass tables, iron chairs, and a thatched roof covers the area. Dustin pulls out a chair for me facing the ocean. I sit and take in the view as Squint jumps on my lap.
“Now I know why you keep treats in your pockets.”
I look up at him. “Why?”
“So you’ll be his favorite.”
I giggle when I realize he’s jealous of my dog. “Yep.”
Dustin sits next to me. His phone chimes, and he picks it up to read the incoming text. He lets out a breath and sets his phone back down. “Looks like things are starting already. I have a costume fitting tomorrow.”
I nod as I pet Squint.
“At least the show will be filmed in LA. But things are about to get quite crazy. I know you know what it’s like.”
“Yeah.” I actually don’t know what it’s like, but I can imagine. It’s okay that he’ll be busy, though. This is a good thing. At least, that’s what I tell myself, and the huge hole that’s forming in my chest, because at some point I’m going to have to leave and this will all be over.
The server comes to our table to hand us menus and get our drink orders. After he leaves, Dustin turns to me. “I have a question, but I don’t want you to feel obligated to answer if you don’t want to.”
That sounds ominous. “You can ask. If I don’t want to answer, I’ll tell you.”
He fiddles with the wrapped silverware. “Have you ever tried to contact your father?”
I see why he’s nervous to ask. I shake my head. “No.”
“Has he ever tried to contact you?”
I swallow and consider my options. I should answer as Jera. It wouldn’t make sense otherwise. “Yes,” I say quietly, looking down at Squint.
“What happened?”
“My father left us when my sister and I were just—” I stop, realizing if I say we were both six years old he’s going to know I have a twin. “When we were little. He stopped all contact with us. It was horrible. We had no money. No food. The only place my mom could get a job was at a fried chicken place. We ate so much fried chicken I still can’t eat it to this day.”
Dustin nods and places his hand on mine.
“Then Mom lost her job and we had to move in with my aunt. He didn’t help with anything. He totally cut us out of his life. So you can imagine my shock when he messages me out of the blue after my first movie hit the screens.”
Dustin cringes. “Oh, no.”
“Yep. He sends me a sob story about how he’s been out of work and how he thinks we should reconnect.” I try not to cry, but this is the part that hurts the most. “Of course, he didn’t contact my sister, Mackenzie, at all. She wasn’t famous. He didn’t care enough to send her a message.”
Dustin exhales and runs a hand through his hair. “That’s terrible.”
It really was. Jera’s never been shy about how much she hates our father. My mother is the same. But I’ve always held onto a secret hope that my father would come back into my life. That he’d finally be able to tell me why he had to leave, and it would be so compelling of a reason that I would know he tried everything to get back to us. It was just impossible.
When my father contacted Jera after she’d become famous, and couldn’t be bothered to send me anything, I knew. Finally. I knew he was no good for me.
I blink back tears as I pet Squint. “I’m fine. I don’t need him in my life.”
“Yet, you keep his photo.” Dustin’s voice is low and soothing. “I can tell you still care.”
I stare out at the ocean. He’s right. I do care. I try not to, but I do care about my father. I thought we had a special bond. I still, to this day, have no idea why he took me to that art museum. It was the only time he and I did anything special together. Maybe that was fate. It was the reason I paint, after all. Fate knew I needed that in my life.
“I care,” I finally admit. “But I shouldn’t.”
Dustin leans close to me, wrapping my hands in his. “Look, what your father did was wrong. There’s no question about that. But don’t ever berate yourself for having a tender heart. This is part of who you are.”
His words send a calm comfort through me. He’s right. I am the person I am, and even though I’ve been through hard times, those times have shaped me in a way nothing else could have.
The server brings us our drinks and takes our orders. I grab onto my water glass, the cool surface bringing me back to the here and now. I’m fine without my father. I truly am.
I take a sip of my water and look over at Dustin. He’s so at home here, at a beach resort. This is the life of a super star.
“I don’t want to abruptly change the subject or anything,” Dustin says quietly. “But I feel like we should talk about where this is going.”
I freeze. “This?” I say tentatively.
“You and me,” he says.
My heart jumps into my throat. I don’t want to talk about us. Not when I know this isn’t real. We can’t be together. This is a fantasy that I’m living in right now, and soon the bubble will burst, and I’ll go back to my life in Denver. And when I do, things between us will have to end.
When I don’t say anything, Dustin continues. “I think we should talk about—”
“Wait,” I say, placing a finger on his lips and cutting him off. “We should enjoy today. I’m ready to be done with deep conversations. Let’s just have fun today, all right? We’re at the beach. This is great, right?”
A look crosses his face, and his gaze turns guarded. “If that’s what you want.”
I nod. “I think that’s best.”
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