I grip my clutch purse and take in a deep breath before I step out of the limousine. Flashes of light go off and I force a smile for the cameras. This is Jera’s idea for how I can get to talk to Dustin. We’re switching places once again, only this time it’s for a big Hollywood after-party for some awards show. I don’t know all the details, all I know is that Dustin is slated to be here, and Jera got an invitation so I could slip in and take her place.
I walk the red carpet, glad I took my anxiety medication. It doesn’t take care of everything, but it makes the social situation at least bearable. The rest of my coping mechanisms have come from my therapist. I imagine I’m alone in a garden, a light breeze blowing, just me and the garden hedges. I walk inside the building.
There are more cameras inside, and I pose like Jera showed me, letting them get a few shots before moving on. Finally, after winding my way through all the people I get to the elevators.
The party is at an upscale rooftop lounge, and I give myself a pep talk before I step out of the elevators. A long table stretches along one side of the roof and an array of food is displayed. Light piano music plays, and I look around to see where it’s coming from. A piano sits in the corner, a man in a tuxedo playing it.
The crowds of people are kind of making me want to crawl out of my skin, but I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly like my therapist taught me. It helps. I scan the roof to see if I can spot Dustin.
I don’t see him, and I worry he skipped the after-party. What will I do if he doesn’t show? I’ve gone to all this work to talk to him. I can’t go home without at least trying.
The elevator dings behind me and I move so the next group of people can have room. I walk past a few tables with groups of people mingling. They’re the tall kind of tables you stand around.
My eye catches sight of someone standing near the edge of the roof overlooking the city lights and I know it’s him, even though all I can see is his back. He’s alone, and my heart leaps. This is it. This is my chance.
I cross the rooftop, side-stepping around people. They’re hedges, I tell myself. I’m in a garden. I maneuver to where Dustin stands, a glass of champagne in his hand. My heart pounds as I stare at his back. I don’t know what to say to get his attention.
I take in his posture, and the way his hair is blowing in the slight breeze. He looks good. My chest aches as I stand there, my eyes drinking him in. What I wouldn’t do to feel his arms around me once again.
Dustin turns around and freezes when he sees me. His eyes slide over me before an invisible wall comes between us, and his expression turns hard. “Jera,” he says in greeting. He’s about to walk around me when I grab his arm.
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m not Jera.” My heart jumps into my throat and I can’t breathe.
Dustin blinks and steps back from me, the shock evident on his face. “Mackenzie?” he says softly.
I nod, then swallow, trying to clear the lump in my throat. It doesn’t work. “Yes.”
He glances around the roof. “Why are you here?”
“I need to talk to you. I need to apologize for what I did.” Tears threaten to come, but I blink them back. I don’t want to cry. I’ve cried far too much since I left California. I need to be strong now. I have things I need to say.
Dustin stares at me, and I can’t quite interpret the look he gives me. “You came here…to apologize?”
“Yes. And to tell you the truth. I never got to tell you my side of the story.”
Dustin slowly nods as piano music drifts our way. “All right. Go ahead.”
A group of people walk behind me, and I stiffen, my anxiety ramping up. I close my eyes and picture my garden again while breathing slowly. They move on toward the food, and I open my eyes again. I’m fine, I tell myself. It works, and I’m able to breathe again.
“When Jera first asked me to switch places with her, I said no. I don’t do well in airplanes, and she wanted me to go to a party in her place. Well, you saw how I did at the party.”
He raises his eyebrows. “Speaking of which.” He motions to the party going on around us.
“Yeah, therapy. I went. I mean, I’m still going. And I’m now taking medication.”
Dustin smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m glad.”
“Anyway, I said no to her, but she kept asking me, pleading with me, and trying to buy me off. Finally, her offer was too good to refuse, so I said yes.”
Dustin grimaces. “What did she pay you to seduce me?”
I shake my head. “No, it wasn’t like that. She only wanted me to go to the party and do the photo shoot so no one would know she had plastic surgery done on her eyes.”
He looks at me like he doesn’t understand. “Plastic surgery?”
“Don’t you remember the bruises around her eyes? They botched her eyelids. Anyway, she gets me to go take her place—”
“You still didn’t tell me what she paid you,” Dustin says over the piano music.
I want to get the whole story out, so it flusters me that he’s asking questions. “New paints. The ones I bought with you.”
Dustin surveys me like he doesn’t understand. “You did all that for paint?”
“I really wanted an upgrade.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Only you would do that.”
I need to press on, or I won’t be able to finish. “At any rate, the next thing I know I’m hanging out a window and my phone plummets into the pool. Jera told me she’d text me how to contact her driver so he’d take me to the gala, but my phone is toast. I’m dead meat. I panic, but then you’re there and you say you’re going to that gala, and…well, I had no choice.” I don’t realize I’m squeezing my hands together until they hurt. I let go and shake the pain out. Dustin doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you the truth, but I wasn’t supposed to interact with you. I was never supposed to even meet you. I was only there to be the body double, swim in her pool, and make it look like she was at home when really she was getting her eyes done. I had the one party, and one photo shoot. That was all.”
“What happened with the photo shoot?”
“Jera canceled it after everything blew up. I couldn’t do it, and her bruises were still horrible. I just left and went home. I was an emotional mess. I couldn’t stop crying.” A breeze picks up and I rub my arms. The little black cocktail dress Jera made me wear isn’t made for warmth.
Dustin shrugs out of his tux jacket and places it around my shoulders. “You look cold.”
I desperately try not to cry as I’m enveloped in the smell of Dustin’s cologne, and the scent that only comes from him. I’ve spent the last six months trying to remember what he smelled like. Trying to find it in the stores. I never succeeded. I pull his jacket tight around my shoulders. “Thanks.”
“So,” he says, running a hand over the back of his neck. “None of this was about the fence?”
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t know anything about your land war with Jera. In fact, she finally admitted to me that she only sued you because she got so upset about that party you threw. Something about a Barbie costume and her plastic surgery. Oh, and the wine. She thought you were targeting her, trying to humiliate her.”
Dustin shakes his head. “No. That’s not what happened.”
“I know. And I do think she finally realizes that now.” The conversation lulls as the piano music swells, and I look at Jera’s black shoes. I don’t want to say what comes next. This is the last thing I have to say, and then it will all end. I’ll have to leave.
“Was anything you said to me true?” Dustin asks quietly.
My head snaps up. “Oh, yes. I sucked at being Jera. Most of what I told you was really about me. Jera was the one who hated our small town growing up. She couldn’t wait to get out of there and move on to stardom. She’s the one who loves all the fancy parties and the glitzy life. I live a quiet life of solitude. My true love has always been art and watercolor. I only lied when you asked direct questions about Jera, or when the truth would have given me away.”
Another crowd of people moves in behind me. I close my eyes and wait, but they don’t leave. I try my breathing exercise, and it helps, but they continue to talk loudly behind me and it’s unnerving.
Dustin takes my arm and guides me closer to the edge of the rooftop, away from the crowd. I can breathe easier, and I give him a small smile. He leans onto the cement wall and gazes at the city lights. “It’s a beautiful evening.”
“Yes.” I bite my lower lip, knowing I have to finish what I came to say, even if I don’t want to. Last time I didn’t speak up, and I’ve regretted it for all these months. Still, my throat is too tight to continue, plus the music seems to be louder now.
“I’ve thought about what happened between us quite a bit.” He doesn’t look at me.
“Me, too,” I admit.
“There were things that never really made sense to me.”
“Like what?”
Dustin turns to me, ignoring my question. “Do you want to go somewhere?” He clears his throat. “Somewhere quieter?”
“Yes,” I say before I can think about it. “I do.”
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