Outliers
Chapter 30

I am yours;

with every inch of flesh and bone in my body; and every ounce of love instilled in me, I belong to you.

with every subtle thought that slips my mind; and every void space in my empty soul, I belong to you.

my heart is yours; yours to keep, yours to love, yours to hold; but please don’t break my heart when I have relinquished it to you so freely because I am yours; and only yours, so please be mine, and only mine?

- Julie Martinez

Thane winced as I dabbed gently at the wounds on his chest. He lay in bed, propped up by some pillows as I cleaned him up using a first aid kit I’d found in the bathroom. Thankfully, he’d showered first, now free from the blood and grime of the fight, and the claw marks across his torso had finally stopped bleeding. They weren’t as deep as they had first appeared, now that I could examine them closer.

“How long will this take to heal, then?”

“A while.”

“As slow as a human?”

He shrugged a shoulder, grimacing as the movement pulled at his injuries. “A little faster perhaps, and less prone to infections, but still slower than you would heal.”

I frowned, not liking the sound of that at all. Never had I suspected Thane was more vulnerable than me. It had taken me nearly three days to heal completely from the mountain lion. Granted, my injuries had been far more severe, but if Thane healed slower, that meant it could also be days for him to fully heal. Would he be in pain the entire time? Would he be able to travel back to Colorado, or would this force us to stay in Idaho for even longer?

I pressed the soaked cloth harder than intended against one of his wounds.

“Shit, sorry.” I snatched back my trembling hands, dropping the cloth onto the bed.

Thane reached for me, fingers curving around my wrist. “Emily, I’m okay. I’m not going to break. I’m okay.”

Indeed, he didn’t look as if he were about to break. Not when he was looking at me like that, with nothing but affection in his gaze.

He tried to tug me closer, but I pulled back, shaking my head. I didn’t want to hurt him.

“Emily, please,” he sighed. “It’s been a long day. I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I just want to lie with my mate.”

My mate.

It still baffled me to hear those words, knowing of the bond we shared. And how could I deny him such a request when I too ached to be so close to him? It had been pure terror that struck my heart today, watching Thane battle against Jack. Terror for the oncoming death of a childhood friend I was sure would come. And terror for the male I cared so much for, whom I wished to spend every waking moment with from here on out. The thought of him so vulnerable to injuries frightened me more than I cared to admit.

“For such an intimidating Alpha, you’re nothing more than an affectionate pup at times,” I teased, forcing a smile as I packed away the medical supplies.

Thane shot me a wolfish grin, and when he’d decided I was taking took long to clear the bed, he swiped the medical bag and all the bandages onto the floor.

“What can I say? You make me feel young.” He tugged me closer again, and this time I allowed myself to be pulled into his side.

“Yes, I nearly forgot you were so old.” I laughed, resting my head against his shoulder and allowed myself to breathe him in. His scent filled my senses, calming me. He was here; he was alive and safe.

“Does it bother you?” he asked, head stooped. “That I’m so much older than other wolves?”

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“You’re, what? Twenty-three? I’m three-hundred and seventy-one years old. Most mating pairs have a year difference at most. They get to mature together, grow together. Do you not wish you were with someone younger?”

I pulled his face towards me, jaw tight and eyes hard, as I forced him to meet my gaze.

“I do not want any other male. I would be happy with no one else. Only you.” I cemented my words with a kiss. His mouth curve into a smile against mine as he reciprocated my tenderness. I melted into him; the heat of him, the taste of him, had my toes curling. It was hard for me to pull away, finding his touch addictive.

The kiss was soft - the opposite of what I had seen from this male today. He had been vicious, deadly, truly frightening; yet here with me I saw him as no one else did. A male of gentle affection.

When he pulled away, it was with a sigh on his lips and a smile that faded slowly. I felt myself falter at the sight of a frown knitting across his brows.

“I suppose I should finally tell you everything. You remember what I told you before - when I told you about my childhood?”

I nodded, settling on the bed in a comfortable position, leant against his side. “You said that wolves were different back then, that the transformation, the packs… the Alpha’s were different back then,” I said with furrowed brows. “You said something about wolves evolving.”

“Have you ever seen Allister’s wolf before?”

“No,” I shook my head, “Only heard the rumours when I was a kid. They say his eyes are blood red, fur blacker than the darkest night, and claws large enough to rip you in two with one swipe. I… I used to think they were just stories, that something like that was impossible… but then…”

“But then you saw my wolf.”

I nodded mutely.

His wolf, of the darkest fur I had ever seen, was larger than others, with eyes that glowed silver like the moon. If for nothing else, he was unique in his image alone.

“Allister, Samual and I were the first wolves in England to live longer than a human lifespan - that we know of. There’s other across the world: in Asia, Europe, Africa, that may be just as old or older, it’s a debated subject. But…” he sighed. “Our age isn’t what makes us different from other wolves.”

He grabbed my hand, turning it over in his.

“Shifters were different back then. They didn’t have free will over the change. It wasn’t something to be proud of, and we didn’t view it as a sense of power. Allister and Samual can - my father and Dante could - only shift once a month, without choice, with every full moon. And what they shifted into… it’s not a wolf, not as we know it. And when they shift… There’s nothing of the man. It’s just this beast. The only way we ever kept Allister grounded was Ainslie - his partner - but she hasn’t been around for centuries. And Samual… Samual, we have to chain.”

I swallowed harshly.

Those childish stories of beasts told to frighten us when we were young weren’t just stories. And they were very much a part of Thane’s life. But I had never heard of a wolf shifting against their will, never heard of having to chain them.

“And you?” I asked. I had seen his wolf a total of three times now, and he had not needed a full moon to shift.

“I’m different somehow,” he shrugged. “Stuck in another stage of the evolution of our kind. I can shift when I want, but it’s painful. Sometimes it’s as if I can feel every inch of me breaking and tearing apart in the change. And sometimes, sometimes, the beast with me takes over, and I have no choice but to shift, my animal instincts in complete control.”

“Is that what happened today?”

In all my years of trying to learn everything I could about the Colorado pack and their Alpha, I had never heard stories of Thane’s wolf. I could only conclude that he didn’t shift often and certainly didn’t shift around pack wolves. Otherwise, the same rumours that followed Alpha Allister around like a dark cloud would follow Thane, too.

“I was with your mother and I could hear you outside talking, and what he accused of you. When I heard his growing anger, I… I couldn’t control myself. I was in a trance, walking right out of that kitchen and shifting in the hallway.”

“And your enforcers were there with you?”

“Zahra and Taron must have heard me. They were by my side before I finished shifting. Everyone else had the sense to stay away.”

“You were growling. I heard you from all the way across the field,” I confirmed. “And then seconds later, I saw you step out.”

“I was acting purely on instinct, not entirely aware of what was happening. It wasn’t until I took that first bite, until the taste of his blood filled my mouth, that I was aware. But I didn’t stop.” He looked ashamed of himself, turning his face away from me.

“You’re an Alpha,” I sighed, lips pursing. “Your instincts are stronger than any other wolf’s. The fact that you were able to pull away at all without going for the kill was more than what most could do.”

“I never want to see you get hurt. As soon as you were on that field between us, I had to step back.”

“I know.” Thane would never hurt me, that I was certain of. Otherwise, I might not have dared to step between the two fighting males.

“But don’t think I’m not mad at you for putting yourself in harm’s way, like that,” he chastised, turning towards me again.

“Okay,” I rolled my eyes. “Well, I wouldn’t have had to step in if you hadn’t put yourself in harm’s way first.”

His eyes narrowed, but there was still amusement in his expression, a smirk growing.

“You never did learn to stop arguing with your Alpha, did you?”

“I-” I began to protest, but he cut me off quickly.

“I’m glad. I like that you challenge me so much that you’re not afraid to speak your mind around me. Even before anything happened between us, you never seemed scared like other wolves.”

I scoffed. “I was terrified of you. I was desperate to make a good impression, but so terrible at keeping my thoughts to myself and I was sure you found me irritating. Never would I have suspected my brashness would be something you admired about me.”

He stared down at our joined hands, fingers threading through my own.

“I’m sorry it took us so long to get where we are.”

“What’s an extra month?” I shrugged. It wasn’t like I didn’t see him every day I was in Colorado, training alongside him in the mornings and evenings. “I just don’t understand why the fates left you without a mate for so long. I’ve never heard of a mating like ours before.”

“I don’t know. There’s a lot I don’t know or understand about myself,” Thane remarked. Movements stiff, he wrapped an arm around my body and rolled us until I was sat on him, straddling his hips. While the position - a familiar one - had heat pulsing within me, I didn’t want to hurt him.

“Than-“

“What I do know,” he drawled quietly, cutting me off, tongue swiping out to wet his lower lip. It rendered me silent immediately, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from falling to his mouth. “What I do know is how infinitely grateful I am to have met you. I know that I’ve been in absolute awe of you since the day I first saw you. And every day since you’ve continued to prove yourself as a female I am so very lucky to stand beside.”

“Thane,” I whispered, chest aching. I bit my lip, hard to stop the well of emotion surging upwards. He was staring up at me so softly, his hand stroking across my cheek. I leant into his touch and brought my lips to his.

“What I do know with absolute certainty,” he murmured softly, pulling back just an inch, “is how much I care for you.”

A smile curved my mouth, my lips grazing his. “I care for you, too.”

“In truth,” he said. “I love every single thing about you.”

That had me pausing.

“You do?” I whispered, voice suddenly hoarse.

“Without question.”

“I-” I didn’t know what to say. I could only stare, wide eyed, at this beautiful male before me, who stared at me still with so much tenderness. Until too much time passed without a response and I saw the light in his eyes die ever so slightly.

“Do you-” His jaw clenched. “Do you still love him? Even now?”

Head shaking vehemently, I didn’t allow him even a second to continue with those thoughts.

“No, no!” I said, eyes wide. “I loved Jack. But not anymore, not now, not since I grew to know you. I loved Jack, and he loved me - but we only loved aspects of one another, and we only saw what we wanted to see. I thought I was in love with him. But it turns out what I felt for him…”

I released a shuddered breath. “What I felt for him was only a fraction of what I feel for you. With you, I don’t have to hold myself back, I don’t have to hide aspects of myself. And when you look at me, it feels as if you see all of me, and I…”

Thane brushed back the stupid tears that now ran across my cheeks.

“I never even told him I loved him. It always felt wrong,” I explained. “But it doesn’t feel wrong with you. Not for a second. I feel like I’ve finally found my place, and I don’t ever want to let that go.”

[what do we think, do we like this intimate little chapter? Lots of talking, not a lot of action]

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