Some Mate You Are...
Reconciliation

Once inside of our room, I look around at the space, hesitating for a moment. It looked exactly as it had when I left it that fateful morning. My clothes were still scattered haphazardly on the floor leading into the closet. I had promised I would pick them up when I returned from my run. So much for that. The book that I had been, casually, reading was still face down on the nightstand, open to the last page that I had read. The only thing that had clearly been used since my departure was the bed. It was a mess. Pillows and blankets tossed about on the mattress without any thought or concern for where they belonged.

I slowly made my way over to the bed and sat down on the mattress, curling my legs beneath me. It felt strange being in here now. Welcoming and familiar, yet also strangely foreign. I was not the same she-wolf that I had been the last time that I was within these walls. And I felt sorrow at that truth.

The strong, confident Marvel Hala still existed inside of me somewhere. I had locked her away so that Harm could not get to her. But now that I was home again, I was eager to release her. However, no matter how hard that I tried, I could not figure out how to free her from the cage within my mind. The key eluded me. And I could only hope that I could find my way out eventually.

“I’m really not certain where to start.” Enzo sighed as he paced the floor.

“Me either.”

He paced back and forth a couple more times in silence and I merely watched him, equally uncertain. There was so much that needed to be said. So many things that we needed to discuss. However, I was at a loss for where to begin. How to unfold everything that happened. Everything that I went through and how it will affect him. Anything that he may have learned while he was away. How to unpack it all and move forward from there?

“So…” Enzo finally broke the silence, as he, sheepishly, began rubbing the back of his neck. “You have not been staying in our room…”

I knew that it was meant to be a question, even though the way he spoke it came off more as a statement. Admittedly, that was not what I expected. I had thought he would want to begin with the night that I was rescued. I figured that he would demand to know why I turned away from him. But that did not seem to be where he wanted to start this conversation. And, honestly, I was alright with that. Now that I was learning everything that I had about how Enzo had actually handled my kidnapping. I was feeling rather ashamed about how I had behaved. I should have had more faith in him. I should have known better.

“No…I haven’t.” I admitted. “I was confused.” I sighed. “My old room just felt like the safer choice while I was focused on healing.”

I braced myself. Uncertain as to how he was feeling. Was he hurt? Was he angry? Enzo had always had a rather explosive personality. He often wore his emotions on his sleeves and acted without thinking things through. It was something that you just had to accept about him if you were going to be a part of his life. And, so, I had.

Therefore, I had anticipated his typical reactions. The usual Enzo that I had come to know and love. Which was why…when he responded the way that he did…I was nearly floored.

“I understand.” Enzo nodded, solemnly, and my jaw dropped.

“You-you…do?” I clarified…in total shock.

“Yeah. I do. You went through a lot, Marvel.”

He paused as if my pain were being played out before his eyes in a flash, as if he could almost see it…feel it. It was then that I realized…the wolfsbane was lifting. Our mate bond had returned. There was a very good chance that he could feel my pain as we spoke about what happened. Could feel my guilt at turning him away. Suddenly, I felt very protective. Not of myself. But of him. He had been spared having to feel what I was going through while Harm had me in his clutches. It was the one mercy that the wolfsbane provided. Enzo did not have to know my fear. He did not have to know my suffering. But now that the wolfsbane was gone, anytime that we spoke about what happened, he would feel me. He would know what I went through, and I did not want that for him. He would only blame himself. Of that, I was now certain.

I struggled with my mental blockade. I wanted to shut down our connection or, at the very least, to dull it. I thought perhaps that would save him the torment. I could keep that to myself, and he would not have to suffer for me. Not have to feel the internal struggle that I was battling against Harm’s influence.

“What are you doing?” He questioned, his anger suddenly rising.

“Well…I…uh…” I was not certain how to explain, his sudden anger catching me off guard.

I was not even sure that any of my attempts were successful. And I certainly did not expect that he could feel me trying to shut off that link.

“Are you trying to block your emotions from me?” He questioned, stepping closer.

“I just thought…maybe it would be best…” I attempted to poorly explain my reasoning.

“I do not want you to do that.” Enzo informed me with a frustrated sigh. “I do not want you to block anything from me. Our mate bond allows us to share these things for a reason. I want to know you. Everything about you. You experienced something terrible, and I want to know how it felt for you. Allowing me to truly understand will allow me to better help you heal. We can overcome and grow stronger…together. You do not have to carry this burden alone. You never have to carry another burden alone ever again.”

Enzo’s words truly warmed my heart. They were exactly what I had needed to hear. But I was still afraid of allowing him in. I was not certain that I wanted him to know everything that I had gone through. I may not want him feeling all that I felt. All of the fear as Harm was about to…

Some things were just better left unsaid.

“But you…you don’t know…there are things…” I once again attempted to very poorly explain myself.

Stumbling over my words. Words which seemed like such simple things. It used to be so easy. I could just open my mouth and speak. Say what I mean. Say what I thought. But when you are trying to express yourself after something terrible has happened. After damage had been done to my very being. Simple words became a much more difficult skill to master than they had ever seemed before.

“I know…” Enzo interjected, releasing me from my internal struggle. “I know everything.” He stated clearly as he dropped down on the bed next to me, taking my hands into his, looking directly into my eyes as he continued. “I saw the basement. I saw the cage. I saw the wall of photos. I heard the recordings.”

As he spoke, the images of the cold, dark, dank cell began to flash in my mind. The only company, other than Harm, that I was provided being the pictures of Enzo taunting me. The collar which shocked me into submission. And the voices that would play through the night reminding me that Enzo did not love me. He did not care. He did not want me. All these things which had been so difficult for me to remedy.

“And…” Enzo went on, keeping me from sinking too deeply into my dark thoughts. “I saw the bedroom. The chains scattered across the floor. Harm’s clothes. I know that he…he…”

Enzo stopped. He could not speak the thoughts that were now plaguing his mind. He closed his eyes, clenching them shut, tightly. One of his hands releasing mine and reaching up to grasp his chest, his hand resting where his heart would be.

Now, it was my turn to feel the pain rush through me, a reminder of the bond that we shared. An immense pain shot through my chest, radiating from the very center of my heart. He believed that something more nefarious had been completed and it was causing him great torment. Probably had been since that fateful night of my rescue.

“No…Enzo…no…” I hurried to dismiss any thoughts that he may be entertaining. “He tried.”

I was not really ready to speak about any of this just yet. I had been hoping to process that and come to terms with it in my own time. But I could not allow for Enzo to believe that I had been raped. That was only hurting him, and I had to do something about it since I could.

“He tried.” I repeated, making certain it sank in. “But he did not succeed. He did not have his way. You got there in time. You saved me.” I assured, lifting my hands to his face to bring him back to me.

He opened his eyes and searched my face to see if I was merely spinning a tale in order to make him feel better. Though once he was certain that I was speaking the truth, I could see the relief wash over him in an instant.

“That night…” I began taking in a deep breath before I did so. “He was about to do it for the first time. He had not tried it before because he wanted to believe that I was doing it because I wanted to, that he had somehow convinced me to love him. So he had given me time before losing his patience and deciding it was time to force himself on me. But…just as he was about to start…you came. You came and you rescued me. You kept it from happening.”

Tears began to form in his eyes. A sight that I knew that I would rarely get to see. Though on the occasion that it did occur. I would be one of the privileged few who would be allowed to witness it.

“This whole time…I have thought…” Enzo breathed.

“No.” I confirmed again, as I felt the pain in my chest, Enzo’s pain, finally beginning to lift.

For several moments, we sat there as Enzo basked in the relief that he felt upon knowing that I had not been used in the way that he had feared most. However, it did not last long. As relieved as he was that I had not been raped. Confusion began to cloud his features as he considered other questions which had plagued his thoughts.

“Then that night…when you were distant…it was not because of what Harm had done…” He remarked, speaking more to himself than he was to me, as if he were trying to figure out the pieces of a puzzle. “So…it was me…” He determined, instantly deflating at the revelation. "You were pushing me away because of me." Sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ FɪndNøvel.ɴᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

As relieved as he had been that Harm had not done something worse to me, physically. He was now having to come to terms with the idea that I had turned away from him because of something that he had done. Because I had wanted distance from him, specifically. Choices that I now, of course, regretted.

“Enzo…I am sorry…” I tried but my words were barely registering with him as the wheels in his mind continued to turn, considering this new information. “But you said that you saw the pictures. You heard the recording. I did not know what to think.” I argued trying to make my point heard.

“The pictures.” Enzo remarked, almost seeming surprised. “I could understand why they would be hard to look at day after day. That I certainly get. I know about your past, but I would not want to have it shoved in my face constantly either. But you know that those relationships are old. And none of them mattered to me the way that you do. The way that you always have. You know that. Just like I know that none of those other guys meant the same to you as I do. How do you think I’ve managed to keep myself from banishing all of them from the pack?”

“Wait, a minute. What do you mean?”

Now I was the one who was confused again. The photos had been shoved in my face, new ones almost daily for weeks, and Harm had insisted that they were recent. However, Enzo is speaking as though these were all former relationships. Old pictures that no longer held any relevance to our current situation.

“Those pictures….they were old. You did not recognize them?” He pressed.

“Why would I recognize them?”

“Well…as much as I hate to remind you…” Enzo began rubbing his neck, sheepishly, again. “But you were present for several of those ‘dates’ just not as my date...unfortunately.”

With that he reached inside of the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out a large, folded photograph. And as he unfolded it, the picture was revealed. It was the one that had sat dead center on the wall. The one that I had looked at to give me fuel for my words when I lied to Harm and told him that my feelings for Enzo were fading. The picture of Enzo and Cora together.

“You have to remember this photo, at least…” Enzo insisted as he placed the crumpled picture in my hands.

I looked it over. I had stared at it many times while I was in that cage. Cora had always done everything that she could to make my life hell. Seeing that Enzo had returned to her. Knowing how awful that she truly was. That had hurt me more than the others that I had believed him to be with. She was the worst she-wolf that anyone could have chosen. And I pitied the wolf who was unfortunate enough to be fated with her as their mate.

“You were there that night. That was the dinner that we had held for Harm and his Gamma when they came to visit. The night that you were Harm’s date.”

That was when the memory finally struck me, snapping back into place. Cora wearing a black cocktail dress with that ridiculous plunging neckline draped on Enzo’s arm as they entered the dinner together. I had done my best to fight back my jealousy and at that time, I had not even known that Enzo was my mate. I recognized their outfits and now knew exactly what I was looking at. Enzo was speaking the truth.

“And all of the other photos are the same thing. They were old dates that I had with other females. Most of them being one-night stands. Harm had made a connection which allowed him access to old photos. Someone with an obsession who had been tracking me for a long time. And he used those to try to make you believe that I was up to no good.”

This all made sense. Harm was a deviant and a liar. I knew that well. He had been systematically strangling any spark of hope that I had held within me while I was his captive. He had orchestrated these old photos as a way to convince me of Enzo’s guilt. Though, there was still one glaring obstacle in our path. Where had the recording come from?

“What about the…” I began but was quickly cut off by Enzo.

“The recording?” He questioned, as if reading my thoughts.

I nodded my head and dropped my eyes to the floor. It was hard to look at him as those words replayed in my mind for the millionth time.

“If you listen to it closely…you can hear the breaks in my speech…this is nothing more than different instances of me speaking, spliced together to sound like one cohesive thought. A tech at the Blood Moon pack went over the recording and found that it was coupled together using, at least, eight or nine different actual recordings of me. I had never said those words about your kidnapping. And I never would. You can ask anyone around here. I was a frantic wreck when I realized that you had been taken. I began to tear the place apart searching for you. I even threatened all of our allies, forcing them to allow me to search their territories as well. I would have never wished for anyone to steal you away from me. Never.”

And that was when the last cord that had connected me to Harm and his influence finally snapped. All of the fog had cleared, lifting the murkiness that had been laying across my thoughts, making it difficult to discern reality from what I was being told. Harm’s minor success in brainwashing me having all but disappeared.

I collapsed. Dropping towards the mattress, however, I never made it there. Enzo’s strong arms caught me as I fell, pulling me into his chest. The tears came again, streaming down my face. All of my pain. All of my fear. All of my regrets. Releasing from my eyes as I finally allowed myself to completely let go.

“I’m s-so s-sorry…” I stammered through my sobs.

“Shh…” Enzo cooed as he brought me impossibly closer, pulling me onto his lap. “You have nothing to apologize for. Anyone would have cracked under the pressure that you were under.” He assured. “I am just so grateful to have you back. Nothing else matters, as long as you are alright.”

His words meant the world to me. I truly appreciated that he did not blame me for my behavior. But that did not stop the guilt that gnawed at my insides. I had doubted him. I had allowed another to convince me that my mate did not care for me. I was a fool for being so easily manipulated. For not seeing through Harm’s deception. I knew that he could not be trusted. Yet, I believed the things that he had said anyway.

I know that the start of our mating had been rocky. And I know that the few years leading up to that had not been great for us either. But that did not mean that Enzo would have ever betrayed me in such a way. Even if he had not been my mate, I should have believed that he would have still cared enough to rescue me. He had never wished me pain. Even his pranks and teasing had always been mostly harmless. I should have trusted in him. And I knew that it would take a lot longer for me to forgive myself than it had taken for him to forgive me.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist, adjusting myself on his lap. Then I buried my face into the crook of his neck. Breathing in his scent as I continued to cry. Allowing for him to envelope me. Desiring nothing more than to be smothered by his love and warmth.

And that was where I stayed for the rest of the day. I clung to him, to my mate. And Enzo was more than content to allow me to do so. His grip on me tighter than it had ever been before. As if he were afraid that I might disappear again, right in front of his eyes. As if this were all an illusion, some desperate dream. If this was a dream, then I knew for certain that I never wanted to wake up. Not if it meant being without Enzo ever again.

He was my mate. He was my savior. My protector. And when I needed him most, he was my champion. I had loved him ever since I was a pup. And I would love him for long after our souls left this world behind. In Enzo, I had all that I would ever truly need.

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