SYBIL
Chapter 28: Sybil, at the end

Maybe my writing had become complacent.

Maybe the financial success of the novel had left me with no angst to talk about.

Or possibly, one only gets so much creativity and I had spent mine. Was it like a female’s eggs? You only get so many and that’s it.

But, I was content enough sitting on my blanket, listing to the waves, jotting down a few innocuous ideas, and at peace that my career in writing hadn’t been a complete disaster. Sure, my academic life of a professor hadn’t worked out as I had planned, but the success of my first novel afforded me the opportunity to write more and to live at a beach resort.

I had come down to the beach from my room as I had every morning. I had my stack of papers, a pen, the morning newspaper, and a cup of coffee from the hotel. All was as it should be.

I aimlessly scanned the water, being seduced by the sound of the waves, always repeating but never the same. My mind wondered about the next great American novel, when I caught a glimpse of a young girl in a yellow swimsuit. She was either waving to someone on the beach, or she was in distress. I took off my sunglasses in hopes of determining which it was. Sometimes, she disappeared behind the crest of another wave. I got up, grabbed the air mattress that was next to me, and walked towards the water. Then I ran. She was not simply waving. Something was wrong.

I ran into the water, not thinking about what I could possibly do. At almost hip deep water, I pushed the air mattress out in front of me and dove onto it. I paddled faster than I thought a man my age was capable.

As I got closer, I could see the horror in her eyes. For the longest time, waves kept me from reaching her. Finally, I was close enough to reach out my hand and grabbed hers. I pulled her towards the raft. “Everything is going to be O.K., Sybil,” I said without thinking. I hoisted her onto the float. At that moment another wave separated me from her and the float. I was drawn down by the undertow.

Observers on the beach went out to rescue the girl. No one could see me as I disappeared further out.

As the girl was being taken from the water, the newspaper and my papers on the beach scattered in the wind.

Characters

BEN, a middle-aged man

WOMAN, a middle-aged woman dressed in business attire

Setting

A table with two chairs across from each other.

Scene 1

(Ben is being interviewed by a female administrator. They are sitting at a table across from each other.)

WOMAN

We have reviewed your application and everything appears to be in order. I just have a few questions.

BEN

O.K.

WOMAN

You stated that you were an English Professor.

BEN

True.

WOMAN

How many years?

BEN

Twenty, I think.

WOMAN

And for the most part you were happy?

BEN

Yes.

WOMAN

We looked into your evaluations and students seemed to like you.

BEN

I believe so.

WOMAN

And, you got along with administrators and your colleagues.

BEN

I did.

WOMAN

One of the questions we had was why did you leave? It looked like you had a good situation.

BEN

I think that I just got tired of teaching. It’s complicated.

WOMAN

The committee noticed that you left quite abruptly. Was there a problem?

BEN

It’s something I would prefer not to talk about.

WOMAN

It could be important for the final recommendation.

BEN

I don’t see why?

(Woman pauses, looking down her page of notes.)

(The lights fade out and back in.)

Scene 2

WOMAN

Let’s go on to something else. How would you describe your marriage?

BEN

It was good for a number of years. We were in love for most of that time.

WOMAN

What happened?

BEN

I guess we just drifted apart.

WOMAN

Were either of you ever unfaithful?

BEN

I would rather not discuss that.

WOMAN

Was there something that caused your separation?

BEN

No comment.

(Woman pauses, looking down her page of notes.)

(The lights fade out and back in.)

Scene 3

WOMAN

Tell me about your professional career. I see that you had a novel published.

BEN

Yes. It was.

WOMAN

And, a studio purchased the movie rights?

BEN

They did.

WOMAN

What happened?

BEN

Lots of stories are bought. Only a few turn into films. Mine didn’t.

WOMAN

So, did you continue writing? It is difficult to see your accomplishments after that.

BEN

There weren’t many. I did continue writing for a while, but it never went anywhere.

(Woman pauses, looking down her page of notes.)

(The lights fade out and back in.)

Scene 4

WOMAN

There have been a number of occasions where you have disappeared.

BEN

I would rather say that I made myself unavailable.

WOMAN

But you would do so without letting anyone know.

BEN

Sometimes it was too overwhelming and I just needed to get away.

WOMAN

Like a vacation?

BEN

Sort of.

WOMAN

Is that how you lost your job?

BEN

Partly. You see, things weren’t going well at the university. I picked an inopportune time to go somewhere.

WOMAN

Was there an event that precipitated that?

BEN

Sort of.

WOMAN

Please tell me about that.

BEN

I’d rather not.

(Woman pauses, looking down her page of notes.)

(The lights fade out and back in.)

Scene 5

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Talk about your children.

BEN

There is a grown daughter from my marriage with Claire.

WOMAN

Any other children?

BEN

There is one that I never see, with another woman. We never married.

WOMAN

Do you regret that?

BEN

Not marrying?

WOMAN

No, not seeing the child.

BEN

Sure, but it was not possible.

(Woman pauses, looking down her page of notes.)

(The lights fade out and back in.)

Scene 6

WOMAN

Your medical records show that you are in relatively good health for a man your age. Are there any problems that you haven’t put down?

BEN

No. My health is fine for the most part, at least physically. I didn’t see where poor health was a prerequisite in the application.

WOMAN

No, it isn’t. But, there has to be a valid reason for acceptance. And quite frankly, I’m not seeing that. Is there something else that you should be telling me?

(Ben pauses.)

BEN

It’s difficult to explain. From all appearances, my life looks relatively normal, when you look from the outside.

WOMAN

I wouldn’t say that. It looks clouded and mysterious. It appears there is something you are keeping from us?

BEN

Well, some things have gone better than others. Most people have had greater traumas in their lives than me and yet they have joy and hope. For me, it is just the opposite. Even when things are going well, there is sadness and despair. I can’t explain that.

WOMAN

Does that account for your erratic behavior?

BEN

I suppose so. Sometimes, I just want to evaporate.

(The woman pauses, looking down her page of notes.)

(The lights fade out and back in.)

Scene 7

WOMAN

I will file my report to the committee, but I should tell you, I don’t think your chances are promising.

BEN

Why not?

WOMAN

They will be looking for probable cause. There has to be a good reason.

BEN

I told you. I’m sad.

WOMAN

That isn’t enough. Everybody is sad from time to time. Even depression isn’t seen as a guarantee.

BEN

That’s not fair. Depression is an illness just like everything else.

WOMAN

But, you haven’t demonstrated that you’re depressed.

BEN

Maybe not in the clinical sense. I don’t take medication. I don’t see a therapist. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t experience the same symptoms.

WOMAN

I’m not saying that you don’t. You just don’t have the evidence.

BEN

So, I won’t be chosen?

WOMAN

I doubt it.

BEN

I did everything I was supposed to do. Sure, I’ve made some mistakes. But, everyone has. I have also made some contributions. I deserve to be considered. Everyone has a right, don’t they?

WOMAN

We can’t accept everyone who applies. It just isn’t possible. We are given a quota. Frankly, I don’t see where you demonstrated a need. That’s required.

BEN

I don’t want to continue.

WOMAN

The interview?

BEN

No. Everything else.

WOMAN

I’m having trouble seeing why?

BEN

I don’t see the point. If there is no meaning, what’s the point?

WOMAN

You have to create the meaning.

BEN

Easier said than done.

WOMAN

I wasn’t saying it’s easy. But, you can do it. We all can.

BEN

I’m pretty sure we all can’t.

WOMAN

Sure, you can. You just have to have to believe in something.

BEN

But, I don’t.

WOMAN

Well, you must. Otherwise, you won’t be eligible.

BEN

Truly?

WOMAN

Yes.

BEN

What do I do now? Just go on?

WOMAN

You can apply again in the next cycle.

BEN

And, if I don’t get it then?

WOMAN

You could simply wait.

BEN

That’s what I fear most.

(BEN puts his hands to his face in despair.)

(Lights fade out.)

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