The Bastard Queen (Viciously Yours #2)
Chapter Six: Walk Away?

I wasn’t sure how long we’d spent clutching each other as if the other would suddenly disappear but I couldn’t bother to be embarrassed. Not with Dougal. He was possibly the only person in the world who truly knew me. He’d seen me covered in my own shit and piss when Mab denied me showers, saw the way my bones had almost broken through my skin some months, and had witnessed my breakdown after Mab ordered my head shaved in one of her last attempts to dehumanize me. He saw it all and hadn’t given me pity; instead he would fiercely whisper through the bars, ‘Hold on, Fahbt Siucra. This won’t always be your life. Don’t let her win.’ It had asked everything of me back then, not even three hundred years old at the time, but I had clung to my rapidly disappearing sense of self with a frenzied hope that his words inspired.

“I missed you dearly, Fabht Siúcra.” Dougal murmured, rubbing circles over my spine. “I cannot express how sorry I am for not being there that day. I knew something wasn’t right but I still left.”

“I forgave you a long time ago, it wasn’t your fault. Besides you did more for me back then than anyone else, Grimmy.” I replied, falling back on the name I’d given him as a child unable to pronounce Grymes.

He sighed heavily, “I could have done more.”

“Not without dying.”

“Nevertheless, it will always remain my greatest shame. You didn’t deserve what she did to you then or now.”

“No, I didn’t.” I agreed, pulling away so we were face to face. My chest warmed as I realized what the pale green streaks in his hair meant and grabbed his shoulder, “Would you look at that, Orlaith finally took pity on you. Congratulations.”

Shifting on his knees, he gave me a bright smile, “Took me several thousand years to capture her free spirit but it was well worth the wait.”

With his presence still ringing alarms in my mind, I got down to business,“What are you doing here, Dougal?”

“What do you mean?” He questioned before gesturing to the C on his chest. “I thought it was obvious, Fabht Siúcra. I’m here to help you win the war and reclaim your throne.”

Following my will, the metal of my swords slithered down the back of my raised arm to gather at my fingertips. “They told me you resigned as Mab’s Commander.”

“That’s correct.”

I shook my head with a heavy heart, “You and I both know that no one just resigns from such a high position. Especially, a Commander. You’re too dangerous for her to let go.” The short throwing knife grazed his throat at an angle pressing against his carotid. The threat to his life was clear, he wouldn’t survive the slash to his throat.

Humans got it wrong in their little fairy tale books. Though it was said that the extinct Divine Fae, who were the closest beings we had to gods, could only be killed by iron. It wasn’t the only way to kill a Fae, it was just the nastier way. Fae metals that were produced from the mines of Tir Na Nog and then crafted into weapons by the Unseelie, who could wield metal, also did the trick. Cut a major artery or chop off a Fae’s head with Fae metal and they’d die before their enhanced healing abilities could kick in.

Although, the human hunters and a few Fae stuck to using iron for three different reasons. First, Fae metal was impossible to hold unless you were Fae. Second, binding us in iron robbed us of our magickal abilities and our naturally enhanced strength, speed and healing making us human. Third, It’s a great metal for the torture of all Faekind. When iron pierces our flesh it burns and tingles like a son of a bitch. And if it’s injected into the bloodstream, it’s a very slow and painful death drawn out over days. It was like you could feel the iron physically eating away at the magick in your soul.

Dougal’s pulse was steady beneath the blade, “Could you really do it?” S~ᴇaʀᴄh the FɪndNøvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

Locking away my emotions, royal blue clashed against slate gray as I stared him down. “It’ll break whatever’s left of my heart but I will kill you. This war against Mab is too important to allow anything to blind me. I won’t repeat past mistakes. I can’t afford to give that bitch an inch.”

“Good.” He replied, after a moment of searching my eyes. “That is what is going to make you the greatest Queen this land has ever seen, Macha. The ability to make hard calls without second guessing based off your emotions. You’re ready to strike me down without a second thought because on the chance that I am Mab’s spy, then everyone here is already dead. But I’m not, she believes my loyalty is too great to ever betray her. That’s why she let me go and my son taking over helped too.”

“Exactly. Cillian is Mab’s new Commander. Do you honestly expect me to believe you’d fight against your own son? For me?” I demanded.

“My eldest is just as hard headed as his mother but I have no doubts that he’ll come to his senses soon. And you said it yourself, Fabht Siúcra. This coming war is too important to allow anything, even love to blind us. When the dust settles across Tir Na Nog you must be seated upon the throne.”

“Why,” I bit out, the blade still pressed to his throat. “I wasn’t a very good Queen the first time around.”

His expression grew tight, “If you truly believe that, then why are you here? Why are you gathering an army to fight against your mother whose power is almost equivalent to a Divine?”

I opened my mouth to immediately respond with ‘Because that bitch put me in another cell!’ when I stopped myself. That wasn’t entirely true but I had said it so often I’d convinced myself it was the driving reason behind wanting her dead. The real reason was darker and much different.

But I must have taken too long to respond because Dougal started speaking again, “Answer me this, your people believe you went to battle against Mab because she was a tyrant that needed to be stopped. The world believes you battled against Mab out of jealousy for her throne. Which is the truth?”

“You know why I did it.”

“No, I don’t think I do. Not truly.”

I frowned, “What are you playing at? You know what she did.”

Dougal shook his head, the knife digging into his neck a bit more, “Mab trusted me with a lot of things Macha but the months leading up to the battle I wasn’t privy to. She never fully trusted me when it came to you.”

“Then why are you here? Why are they all here?” I motioned aggressively to the tent opening with my free hand.

A gentle smile lit his face once more, “Out of all the Fae that I’ve seen try and bring Mab down, you’re the only one that has ever given me hope. Even when you were nothing more than a slip of a girl in a dirty cell, I knew you would be the one to finally rid us of Mab and her cruelty. It’s just meant to be, Fabht Siúcra. And all those people out there, they see hope in you for all of us. Now, why are you here?”

The grief of my failures hit deep at his words. In truth, I probably didn’t have any business trying to lead anyone into battle not after the way it ended last time but he needed to know the why. They all did. Not because I wanted to restore my reputation, I could give a fuck about that. They needed to know the truth for themselves and about who Mab really is.

Taking a deep breath, the words poured from my lips as my mind drifted into the past, “People were going missing. Banished Fae that were here one day were just gone the next as if they never existed. It started out with the ones that others wouldn’t miss and then turned into the children prone to run away. I hadn’t realized what was happening until it was too late.” My hand fell from his neck as I whispered out, “My advisors had raised concerns but I ignored them. People left the Kingdom all the time to travel or strike out on their own, I didn’t think it was anything to be concerned about. I thought I knew better than the others, that they were worrying over nothing...Until I saw them.”

“Saw who, Macha?” Dougals voice was soothing but distant.

“There used to be a village on the outskirts of my kingdom that I enjoyed going to. It had been a few months since my last visit but when I stepped into the village…it had instantly felt wrong. Front doors had been left wide open, baskets of food littered the ground, shields and swords laid in the road. It was like the whole village had just suddenly walked into the forest and it had been so silent. So silent.” Gasping in pain, I forced out the rest, “The last place I checked was the village hall. I...I had pushed open the doors and just stopped. There they were. Not the villagers but the others from the city. Forty of my citizens from elderly to child were slumped in chairs completely devoid of color. Forty of the people I swore to protect and take care of had been drained of their magic, of their souls. Dead because of my selfishness, dead because of my mother’s need to see me as nothing more than the dirt beneath her feet, dead because-because I had refused to listen to their concerns.”

Head bowed, I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the tears at bay. I didn’t have the right to cry over them when it was my fault they were dead. If I had listened, If I had questioned their disappearance...If I had looked for them. They wouldn’t be gone. They wouldn’t be dead.

“Mab drained them of their magick? That’s been outlawed since before the Divines died out. How does she even know how to do that? Are you sure?” Without looking, I knew his face would be slack in shock.

Giving a bitter laugh, I raised my head to look at him, “Dougal. What else could it have been? From their skin to their hair they were pure white and when I touched one of- one of the children she crumbled into a pile of white ash. Whatever Mab did to them in order to take their magick burned them from the inside out. And I know that it was my cunt of a mother because tied delicately around every wrist was a deep purple ribbon.”

“But why would she need to take their magick? Mab is a powerful Fae in her own right.” Getting to his feet, Dougal offered me a hand as he pondered over his own question.

Taking it, I replied, “I have no idea. After I found them, I kept the discovery to myself until I could figure out exactly what she was doing but I never did. I sent out feelers deeper into my kingdom to find out if more Fae were missing and they were. I couldn’t wait any longer. Not when I knew it was her taking them and what would happen. So, I gave my army a vague speech I don’t even remember and waged a battle against her.”

“Why not a war?”

“War needs a definite cause, a battle doesn’t. War needs an inspirational leader to get people to follow them and fight for that cause. I wasn’t fit to be Queen anymore, not after what I let happen and I had no proof of what she did. I thought I could kill Mab and walk away.”

Grey brows furrowed, “What do you mean ‘walk away’?”

“I’m tired, Dougal.”

Dougal repeated the word like he’d never heard it before, “Tired?”

Turning away from him, I slowly walked over to the bare desk and ran my fingertips over the cool wood. Keeping my back to him, I shined a light on the darkest part of my mind, “I’ve spent almost half of my life in a cell. And my whole life, lying about who I am. I can’t do it anymore. The first time I was imprisoned, I was dehumanized and humiliated on a daily basis for the crime of being born. The second time, I was tortured everyday for trying to do the right thing. And for what?” Spinning around, I threw my arms in the air in exasperation, “For what! To be painted the villain in the minds of every Fae because of my own mistakes? I don’t deserve to be anyone’s Queen, not after what happened the last time I reigned. So, yes. I will lead these people into war against Mab. And yes, I will make sure she’s dead before it’s over. But I won’t lie to these people to make it happen.”

His brows pulled together in concern, “So. What exactly are you saying?”

“I’ll tell them who I really am and about my failures the last time I went up against Mab. It will be their choice to follow me into this war. And when it’s all over if I’m still alive and they want nothing to do with me? I’ll walk away after making sure both kingdoms have a fair and just ruler.”

“But, Fabht Siúcra. You were born to be Queen, can you really give that up?” Dougal asked, disbelief coding his tone.

Dropping my ass back against the desk, I shrugged,“I was born a bastard, Dougal. Bastards are born to be nothing and have nothing. My biggest regret is forgetting that and allowing the power to go to my head. I can and will give it up if that’s what the people want. Even if they don’t, I might still walk away. I don’t deserve to rule over anyone.”

It was silent for a few seconds before Dougal snapped, “You were born to be so much more than a bastard and you’ve never had nothing even at your lowest. You will always have me, Orlaith, Dani and Calvin. So, I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. And it’s not up to you to decide what you deserve, it’s the peoples. Do you understand me, young lady?”

Taken by surprise, I spoke without thinking, “Yes, Sir.” I couldn’t remember a time when Dougal had been angry with me and it was more than a little shocking.

Gray eyes locked on mine like a heat seeking missile, “Now, you’ve made mistakes but the important thing is that you fully understand and accept those mistakes. You’re doing everything you can to avoid repeating them and that’s great, Macha. But don’t lose sight of who you are in the process. You may be tired now and the Divines know that you deserve some time to rest but don’t let that blind you to the fact that these people need you.”

“Need and want are two very different things, Dougal. They might need me to defeat Mab but they don’t want me and that’s okay.”

He shook his head vigorously, “All will be revealed soon, Fabht Siúcra. Don’t throw yourself on that sacrificial pyre you seem to be building just yet. Your fellow Fae might just surprise you.” Not giving me a chance to question that cryptic little speech, Dougal turned to grab the plate of Choco Blasts before shoving them into my hands. “Now, I’m guessing that your tiredness isn’t just emotional so you eat a few of these and then go to bed. Everything else can wait until morning.”

Steadying the plate, I gave a small smile, “We can table this discussion, Grimmy. But I doubt anything short of the Divines intervention will change my mind.”

“Oh, sweet girl.” Dougal replied, giving a pat to my cheek. “You just eat and get some rest.”

Setting the plate on the desk beside me, I snatched up one of the sugary treats and took an aggressive bite to satisfy my rumbling belly. “I’m still going to tell them the truth about everything, Dougal. No matter what.”

The air stiled around the tent as he left, “I didn’t disagree.”

—

Fabht Siúcra- Sugar bug

BOOM.

How do y’all feel about the reveal of Machas failure? Do you agree or disagree w/ her ‘I don’t deserve to rule’ attitude?

As always feel free to comment if you found anything intriguing about this chapter!

Smooches, Verbage💋

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