Warring Mates
17

Birds chirped happily. The flowers bloomed with their striking colours, their fragrance luring bees to them.

My hands clutched the grass, and I opened my eyes to see the wind carry the clouds away. I had just lost my best friend in the most gruesome way, and yet the world around me didn’t stop.

Angry tears trickled down my face. Those flowers… I wanted them to burn. To wither, turn to ashes. I wanted those birds to shut up. Wanted the sun gone, time to stop. The world around me didn’t deserve it to be happy. Not when they took him away from me. A pure soul who wanted nothing more than everyone to laugh.

I let out a scream of frustration and scrambled off the ground to punch the tree beside me. Drops of blood slid down my knuckles. It splattered onto the ground. A stark contrast to the vibrant green. My wounds didn’t heal as fast anymore.

Good.

I deserved to bleed. I failed him. As a friend, as a lover. I cheated on him. Let him die.

I punched the tree again. This time a knuckle cracked. But I didn’t feel it. No amount of physical pain could compete with the one I felt in my heart. Breathing hurt, my mind drifting to the darkest part of my mind.

It was my fault… If I hadn’t followed that girl, he would still be alive. It’s all my fault. My best friend is gone because of me.

I gasped for air and slid to the ground with my back against the tree. Sobs bubbled in my throat. Silent at first, but turned soon into tumultuous ones. Right now they were burying him, and I was too much of a coward to attend. It was a beautiful ceremony in which a seed would be planted above the body—a second life.

I tangled my hands in my hair. It wasn’t the future he was supposed to have. We were going onto missions together, be inseparable. To mate, have children.

A strangled wail left my mouth. I was nothing without him. Not when he was the one who saved me. And that wasn’t even the worst... I had doubted him. Still did. Those creatures controlled him, and I couldn’t help but think if it was all an act. If this mate bond between us was real. If he really loved me...

The snapping of a branch had me looking up. Through my blurred vision, I saw Collin stand by the fountain, his muscles taut as if he wanted to comfort me. He knew better. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I made that clear these last two days.

Yet he still tried.

“Lexi...”

A faint tinge of perturbation laced his voice. It matched his disarrayed look. Dark circles, hair disheveled, clothes wrinkled. I was sure I didn’t look any better.

I stood from the ground, my face morphing into an indifferent mask as I passed him by. It may be my fault that they used him as bait, but he was the one who let him die. I couldn’t forgive him for that—ever.

He grabbed my arm, his hold firm to the point it hurt as he caged me against his chest. His lips grazed my ear. “I am sorry that he died, but I don’t regret my actions. They would have kidnapped you and then we would have never seen you again. Please try to understand that.”

I clenched my eyes shut, forcing myself to breathe. In my soul, I knew his actions were justified, but these feelings...

“Just go back to your kingdom like the other rulers,” I spat, pushing him away from me.

“I’m not leaving without you,” he stated calmly. It unnerved me. I wanted him to yell at me. To hate me like he used to do. “We are still mates.”

“We are not,” I hissed. There were no longer sparks whenever he touched me. My beast didn’t purr when he was around. For as far as I cared, we were two strangers who hated each other’s gut.

“You may not feel it since your connection with your beast is extremely weak, but the bond is still there. It always will be.” His hand reached out to me. I evaded it. His touch repulsed me.

“There is nothing between us. Never was and never will be.” My heart broke as I said those last words. These two years I so badly wanted to have him—craved him—and now I wanted nothing more than for him to leave me alone.

Collin stared at me, his face set in stone. “You know where to find me.” It was all he said before walking back to the palace. He clenched and unclenched his fists, his shoulders tense. Deep inside of me, my soul longed to ease that tension away. I hated it.

“Then you’ll be waiting for a pretty long time,” I yelled after him. He would be better off mating with someone else. I no longer had a beast. Yesterday’s training proved that. When I reached out to her, there was nothing. I had to dig so deep to even find a sliver of her that I passed out from exhaustion. The hours afterwards were hell. A burning hot fever, my muscles aching from the strain. Though I hadn’t told my parents about it.

I dropped myself back onto the ground, laying in the same position as before when Ryan and Zak walked over to me. “What do you want?” I asked, not all too friendly. Their presence wasn’t needed. After the attack, my parents called every assassin or elite back. Even the rest of the remaining Seven. They were all assigned the task of guarding as we needed the numbers, and since I was their prime target, I had the pleasure of the Seven guarding me personally.

“We wanted to check up on you,” Zak said as he sat on the fountain, his eyes flickering to my hand. It was still bleeding.

I scoffed. “I am fine. Actually, I am even more than fine. I’m doing perfect.”

“Try to talk to someone.” Pity shone in his eyes, leaving me with a foul taste in my mouth. “Anyone for that matter.”

When I ignored their presence, they left. Like everyone else. Even my own parents didn’t stay with me for more than an hour. Not that I cared. This quietness was exactly what I needed—undisturbed as my thoughts ran free.

A pair of footstep came closer to me. I breathed out harshly and ignored him in the hope he would leave. He didn’t. Instead, he sat down beside me.

“When my friends died, it felt as if the world was ending.” The familiar gruff voice with that menacing undertone had me opening my eyes. Ace sat next to me, his front facing me as he peered into the woods. “It still does. The pain never went away—a bubble waiting to burst.”

The war... I had heard about it. Three of his close friends had died. The only people he trusted with his life. I

“How do you do it?” I lost my best friend and just wanted the ground to swallow me whole—to dissapear.

He let out a humourless laugh. “Why do you think I take my job so serious? Even a moment of silence brings it all back.”

The way he said it made me think there was more to the story. He had been serious with this job ever since he started it. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Not to mention it sounded lonely. Being on the road all the time, never taking a break off his duties. I suppose it helped in a way. If you didn’t have the time to think, then you didn’t have time to feel the pain.

“But then again, I don’t have what you have,” he finished. Guilt filled my chest. I had a family that loved me and a mate that insisted that he wanted me. He, on the other hand, had no one except for the few friends that were still alive.

I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest. He was so different from the last time I saw him. So vulnerable. “Why are you telling me this?” He hated my guts. It was obvious through his glares and grumbling.

“You remind me of Aubrey.” For the first time, he looked at me. His eyes shone with unspoken hurt as he remembered his friend. “Stubborn, but also loyal.”

I sneered at his words. “I cheated on him.”

“Did you?”

I cocked my head. The way he posed that question... As if I hadn’t done it. “Yes, I think kissing someone who is not the person you are in a relationship with classifies as cheating.”

He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. “Even when that person is your true mate? The one you are supposed to be with from the start?”

“Lachlan was my second chance mate,” I started.

“And Collin is your true mate,” he said with an intensity that had me gulp. “It didn’t matter if you had mated with Lachlan. Your beast would still want him. Always have and always will.”

“But what if I don’t feel it anymore—the bond?”

He touched my bloodied hand. A warmth spread through it as the wounds disappeared. “Again. He is your mate. Have faith.”

I watched him leave, but I wasn’t ready yet. His presence was comforting. “Wait.”

He turned his head to me, cocking a brow.

“What’s going on between you and Remy?” Last time I saw them, they seemed close.

The corner of his mouth curled up. “We were just having some fun.” The glint in his eyes told me otherwise. He felt something for her. Not love, but it came close to it. Affection, maybe.

I stood from the ground and dusted my pants off. Our talk was... welcoming. From his perspective, I hadn't cheated. I just went after my true mate. Though that didn't change my feelings. It didn't matter if my beast wanted Collin; I was going to mate with Lachlan. In my eyes, I had cheated.

"Lexi, right?"

I groaned as I turned around. People really loved to bother me today. A lean man walked up to me. "Who are you?"

He gave me a goofy smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. They were dull—without life. "Santos."

A close friend of Ace. One of the survivors.

"I'm surprised Ace talked to you," he said as he ignored my glare.

"Haven't your parents taught you that listening in is bad." This man… he was already aggravating me.

"You're one to talk," my gramp’s said from behind me.

I blushed. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

He hummed and turned to Santos. "It's good to see you again."

"I'm only here, because Ace ordered me too." His voice turned bitter—sharp. Without saying anything else, he left. His hostility surprised me.

"Don't mind him. Ever since Aubrey died, he has been like this."

"It wasn't our fault she died. She knew the risks." Deaths in war was inevitable.

"That's true, and I believe Santos knows that too, but separating your feelings from thoughts is hard. Especially when it involves a loved one." The last part was directed at me. The tone, the sincerity in his eyes.

"You are already the sixth person to visit me,” I said, giving him a pointed look. I didn’t want to talk about him or what I felt. “Am I really that of a risk for myself?"

My gramps let out a short laugh. "I just wanted to check on you since you missed the funeral."

Right. He must have gone straight to me after the funeral. The loose-fitting and slightly see through green shirt that he matched with vintage white trousers told me that much. Whenever we buried someone, it was customary to be dressed as if you had nothing. No shoes, no make-up, no gel. You were supposed to be one with nature.

My shoulders slumped, the pain in my chest spreading. I had missed his funeral.

"Hey..." He guided me into his arms as I broke down.

"I'm such a bad friend," I sobbed.

"You are not." He stroked my hair. "And I am sure that if Lachlan was still here, he would ramble on and on about why you are such a great friend."

I choked on a chuckle.

"He loved you even when you guys got into a fight. Remember that."

He loved me... I knew he did. We were childhood friends, after all. But what about after? "Do you think that if he wasn't under the creature's influence, he still wanted to mate with me?"

He pulled back. "What makes you say that?"

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"What if it was all a ruse to get me into the woods with him? What if he never wanted to mate with me in the first place?" My voice broke. Scared didn’t even come close. I had allowed myself to feel something for him, only for it to be ripped away.

He wiped away the stray tears with his thumbs. "Of course he would have wanted to mate with you. He's your mate." His voice was sincere, and why wouldn't it be. He had experienced the mate bond himself.

"Did you have a moment where you didn't feel the sparks with Serena? That you thought the mate bond was gone," I asked carefully.

A flash of hurt crossed his eyes. The memory of her still pained him, and I felt a bit guilty about asking him this.

"No, never," he answered. "And neither did she."

"Oh." There must be seriously something wrong with me then.

He placed his fingers on my chin, tipping my head up. "You don't feel the mate bond?"

I pulled my lower lip between my teeth, holding back tears. With Lachlan gone now, I could have relied on the bond for some sense of comfort. But now... I was lost. Wanted nothing more than to cry all day, be angry at the world.

"I can't feel my beast at all," I breathed. It scared me. The shifter side of me was a huge part of me—a part of my identity—and now it was gone. I couldn't shift, and my strength and speed were reduced to almost human limits. Even my senses were back to their old self. I was lucky I was partly fae or I would have been completely human.

"I can ask Eros if he has encountered this before." He led me back to the palace with a hand on my lower back. "As for now, try to reconnect with Collin. He may be able to lure her out."

I grumbled at his suggestion. "I don't want him anywhere near me."

He stopped and shifted his attention to me. "I know you blame him for what happened to Lachlan, but let him help."

"I already know he can help me," I clipped as I moved into my defence pose. Feet wide, arms crossed. "He was the only reason why I could feel her in the first place." That was until I established a bond with Lachlan. My heart clenched in anguish.

"What do you mean?" He posed it as a question, but the tone he used had me thinking otherwise—lethal yet cautionary. As if he was scared I would run the other way.

"I..." My eyes were drawn to Collin's window. It stood wide open, giving me a view of his bare back. "The first time I felt her was when I met Collin. After that she went silent again, only letting herself known when he was close. But even then it was faint."

"What about your bond with Lachlan?"

I nodded my head. "The closer we became, the more she showed herself. The same happened between Collin and me."

He sighed. "Why haven't you told us about this?"

"I... I don't know." I raked my hand through my hair. "I guess I thought it was normal. That she didn't like it when Collin wasn't around me."

He stayed silent, his eyes calculating me.

"There is something wrong, isn't it?" Goddess, I knew it. There's nothing normal about this. "How... Why..." I took a deep breath to calm myself, but it wasn't working.

His hands squeezed my shoulders. "Eros most likely knows what is going on, so let's stay calm."

"Okay." Eros knew almost everything about the shifters after living with them for centuries. He must have an answer.

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