Warring Mates
22

The steady beating of his heart calmed my nerves, his citrus scent wrapping around me like a safety blanket. We were lying on the couch, our legs entangled, his arms holding me close to him. I played with the sleeve of his shirt, contemplating how to start the conversation I dreaded.

Yesterday we didn’t have the chance to talk as I could fall asleep standing after dinner. The moment we had shared drained me to the point I slept well into the morning.

As for now…

I breathed through my nose. What we did was amazing, but he wanted submission and I couldn’t give him that. Not in the way he wanted.

“I can almost hear the gears churning inside your head,” he murmured in my hair.

I clenched my eyes shut, burying my head in his shoulder. A string of muffled words left my mouth.

“The only thing I understood was can’t and want.” His hand cupped my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

“The submission... I can’t.” I pushed myself off his chest. “The experience was great, but I know you held yourself back.” If it were up to him, I would be bound to a bed, blindfolded and completely surrendered to him. That was a piece of control I couldn’t give up.

He sat up, his thumb drawing circles on my hip. “I can get where you are coming from, but also understand that submitting in the bedroom doesn’t mean you aren’t a dominant in your daily life.”

I leant my forehead against his shoulder. I truly loved the experience. It was different than with Lachlan. With him I bonded on a deeper level, but with Collin it felt more like it than what it was—a primal need. Though both of them satisfied me in a way I didn’t think was possible, and it was what Miriam said, it’s freeing. To let go of my control. I didn’t have to think if I did something wrong, as I knew Collin had his share of women. He was experienced whereas I was not.

Yet...

“You can explain that all you want to me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I can’t give up that piece of control.” He closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. “I’m sorry. I know you want to have full control,” I ranted. “That it is in your nature...”

“What I want is you,” he interrupted me, opening his eyes. My breath hitched from the intensity of them. They were smoldering with adoration and want. “The rest is irrelevant.”

“But...”

“No, buts.” He kissed my forehead. “We can figure out something. Find a compromise. I mean... You did say you liked the experience.”

I swatted his shoulder upon seeing his usual cocky smirk. The smirk that always brought butterflies to my stomach. “Don’t get to full of yourself.”

“Just saying,” he taunted.

“What did you have in mind?” I asked, redirecting the conversation.

“How about we ease you into it?” He ushered me to stand. “We will go over what you are willing to try and what not.” I contemplated about his offer as he grabbed my hand, leading me upstairs. “We can always go further in the future.”

“That sounds... doable,” I said as we stopped in front of the locked door.

He opened the door with a key he got from the dresser. “The most important thing for me is that you are comfortable.”

With hesitant steps, I walked inside, and my eyes widened. There was a bed against the wall, smaller than the one we had in our bedroom, but still big enough to lay side by side without touching each other. For the rest, it looked exactly like a bedroom. Except this one had a chain hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room and a dresser and bed as the only furniture.

“Do I want to know what’s in the dresser?” I whispered to him.

“Why are we whispering?” he asked back in the same tone.

“No reason…” I walked over to the dresser. “I had expected whips and such.” The walls were bare, painted in a deep sensual blue. A contrast to the light oak floor.

“I’m not interested in that.” He came to stand behind me, his hands on my hips.

“Then what did you mean with punishments?”

His chest rumbled with a chuckle, his fingers digging into my skin. “You interested in that?”

My fingers glided over the dresser, trailing over the grooves. “Curious.”

“It can be in the form of driving you crazy with need, but not giving what you want.” His hand left my hip and trailed upwards. “Or exhausting you to the point you can no longer think anymore.” He nipped at my ear. “Stripping you of your senses, letting you give up all control.”

I swallowed. The picture was clear.

“Still curious?”

I clenched my thighs. The slight action didn’t go unnoticed by him as his lips curled into a sinister smile against my neck. “The dresser,” I said instead.

“I’m not stopping you from looking what’s inside.”

Shaking my head, I walked out of the room. Imagining it and seeing it were two different kinds of things. Not to mention, I wasn’t even sure I wanted that.

“I guess that’s a no,” he said, following me back to the bedroom.

I rubbed my face. This wasn’t fair to him. He didn’t ask me to change, and here I was asking him to hold back.

“Talk to me, Lexi.” With his hands on my waist, he pulled me closer to him. “If you don’t then this will never work.”

Taking a deep breath, I moved to our bed and for a moment I regretted the action as the safety of being in his arms disappeared. “My communication skills aren’t that great,” I joked.

He chuckled and sat next to me. “That makes two of us.”

I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder. “I’m scared” A lot had happened and I couldn’t keep up with it. One disaster after another. I needed a break. “Scared about everything, but mostly mating...”

“I already said it earlier, I can wait.”

“I know, it’s just… I…” I wiped away a tear. “I feel like I’m forgetting him.” A weight lifted off my chest when the words left my mouth.

“You’re not.” He rubbed his nose against my cheek. “He will continue to live in your memories, and as for the mating, he would understand it. He loved you and would have wanted you to be happy. Not filled with guilt.”

“How do I do this?” How do I heal…

“Well… Recognizing the problem is the first step,” he murmured, squeezing my shoulder. “But I can’t tell you how. Everyone heals in his own way.”

“How did you heal after…”

“I thought killing the shifters would help. I was wrong though. It only lessened the pain for a moment.” He nestled his head in my neck. “It was you who helped me. Seeing you interact with your family and others. It made me think I could be wrong, and that was a confrontation I wasn’t ready for yet.”

“So that’s one of the reasons you stayed away for so long, even when you figured your wolf wanted me after a couple months.”

“Confrontation is never fun,” he said grimly. “But its often what we need as it is the root of the problem.”

“Confrontation,” I muttered to myself, my mind reeling me back to his funeral.

…

The days passed by in a blur. Time, nothing more than what it was—a made-up word. I spent them with Leah and Miriam, talking about their culture and the things I needed to know. It was weird and yet familiar.

I felt as if I belonged here—with these people—and I knew it was because of the bond the werewolves shared with each other. After all, I shared one with my family. Though there was a difference between the two. The bond between the pack mates ran deeper. They could mind link and cared for each other as if they were brothers and sisters, parents and their children. We didn’t have that in my kingdom. We only cared for our own close circle.

And it wasn’t just that… This place. His kingdom. It was the home I felt like I was missing. Both my mom and I loved spending time in the woods and hated it when we had to go back to the boisterous city. It made me wonder about the shifters. If our behaviour was the same, our need to be close to nature. Everything in me told me it was.

“Lexi?” Miriam touched my shoulder.

I blinked. “Huh?”

“Kinda thought we lost ya there for a moment,” Leah said, laughing.

I shook my head. “Do you think there are survivors?” The five kingdoms were big and there were many more outside our borders. They could have hidden themselves.

Miriam hummed. “I guess you are talking about the shifters.”

I nodded, scrunching my nose as I took a bite of my sandwich. Another thing that had happened these last couple days. My stomach barely held any food, and it showed. My energy levels were low, my mind a complete mush.

“I don’t know. Though there is a chance some survived.” Miriam hopped from her chair. “Collin will be here shortly.”

I rubbed my face. “Can you tell him I don’t want to see him?”

“You have to talk with him, eventually.”

“I know…” We had a great talk, but when I couldn’t hold my food down anymore, he withdrew from me. Staying away for long hours, sometimes not even coming home at night.

Both the girls left, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Though not for long. The door opened and closed again, and by the electricity that charged the air, I knew who it was. “You’re early,” I said, my voice emotionless.

He walked past me to grab a glass of water. “I know I haven’t been here lately—”

“No, shit.”

A warning growl rumbled in his chest. “Let me finish.”

Tears burned my eyes. Making him angry was the opposite of what I wanted as these last couple of days felt lonely without him.

The features in his face softened, and he wrapped me in his arms. “I’m not angry with you, I’m just dealing with something.”

I wrapped my own around his chest, savouring the warmth he provided. “With what?”

He kissed my forehead. “I don’t really want to ask you, but I need to know.”

I furrowed my brows, nodding my head for him to continue.

“Is there a possibility you might be pregnant?”

The blood drained from my face. Pregnant… “No.” I shut my eyes, shaking my head. “I… I drank the tea.” My heart hammered in my chest. This couldn’t be. I drank the tea. I was sure of it.

“Hey…” He cupped my face. “Your scent hasn’t changed, and if you say you used those herbs, then I believe you.”

“You can know from my scent if I’m pregnant or not?” That… sounded weird and yet logical at the same time.

“After a couple weeks, yes, as the foetus’ scent mixes with yours.” He let go of me and walked to the front door as he said, “How about we take a walk?”

“I’m tired.” And the fact that whenever we had a walk, it wouldn’t be a short one, but rather a tedious one.

“I know, but a walk might help.”

I forced myself to stand, not wanting to break this fragile thing we had, and together we sauntered out of the house and into the woods. The leaves rustling and the soft breeze brought me back to the conversation I had with Miriam.

“Is there a possibility there are still shifters alive?”

“Maybe.“ He squeezed my hand. “I can send letters to the kingdoms, but don’t get your hopes up. They might not want to come back again.”

“I won’t.” He had hunted them down, and now he was asking them to come back. It was a dream to see if there were others and yet I there was still a shiver of hope swirling inside of me. There was so much to learn of them.

As we walked, my senses tuned in to our surroundings. The birds chirping, the sound of water in the distance. Water… I halted in my movements. We’ve been here for more than a week, and in that time there weren’t any encounters with those creatures.

“Everything okay?” Collin turned to me, his eyes studying me.

“I’m not sure, but could it be those creatures can’t stand water?” It made so much sense now that I said it aloud. They didn’t cross the waterfall, they hadn’t even been spotted around here while they were hell bent on getting their hands on me. Not to mention, Collin didn’t have as much trouble with them as the other kingdoms.

A wide smile stretched across his face before he planted his lips on mine. “Goddess, I love you.”

My cheeks burned from his confession. “I didn’t really say anything. We still have to—”

He held up his hand as his eyes glazed over. Not a moment later, he cursed. “They’re surrounding the pack.”

My relief at being safe here shattered. “How?”

“I don’t know.” He raked his hand through his hair. “They appeared out of nowhere.”

“If I’m right, they won’t come too close, right?” I crossed my arms, keeping my hands from shaking. If they could winnow... “We’re surrounded by rivers.”

He held me closer to him. “I’ve alerted the surrounding packs and my people. For now, it seems they are just standing there.”

I let out a shaky breath as drops of sweat formed on my back. They were here…

“Collin,” Lucius yelled. He ran to us, Miriam close to him.

“Stay with her,” Collin said, and as soon as he let go of me, my knees gave way. He caught me in time, feeling my forehead. “You’re having a fever.”

I murmured something incoherent, my eyes heavy. Noise that sounded a lot like growling echoed through the air. Screaming. Bones breaking. I tried to open my eyes, but it was in vain. They were glued shut.

A pair of arms surrounded my body. Coldness settled in my bones. They weren’t the warm arms I was used to. They felt rough like scales…

A familiar voice screamed my name as the wind around me changed. The air turned colder, and no longer did I feel the warm sunrays.

A door opened, and a cold, hard ground replaced the unfamiliar arms. Soon the door locked, and I was yet again engulfed in an embrace. Collin… His chest rumbled with growls, his face in my neck.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against my skin.

Sorry for what? Though the answer came soon. Something pierced my neck, but instead of pain, intense pleasure wrecked my body, my beast surging forward. Her presence dominated my mind as I writhed in his arms.

He pulled back, licking the four puncture holes. “I didn’t want to mark you like this, but you were… Goddess, I can’t lose you.”

I should have been angry with him. He knew I didn't want to be marked yet, and still he did exactly that. But when I pried my eyes open to look at him… That terror—that same terror I felt with Lachlan—gleamed in his eyes.

“A warning would have been nice,” I joked half-heartedly. My beast yipped inside my head and the warmth returned to my body. It was as if my strange disease didn’t exist anymore.

"You're not angry..." he breathed. Sᴇaʀch Thᴇ (F)indNƟvᴇl.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

"How can I?" He loved me and would do anything to save me. So would I. Deep within me, I loved him. I was just scared to face the truth.

He opened his mouth to speak when I heard giggling. I strained my neck to see from where it was coming from.

“You,” I gasped.

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