Way of the Wolf: Redemption
Chapter 34 ~ Struggle

Basjan's eyes were locked on the pups playing in the snow. Delightful screams and laughter filled the air as Bjarke, Orin and Hagan chased them around in their fur. Their growls were gentle, and even as they snapped their teeth at pups that grabbed their tails, they were careful not to hurt them. I chuckled at the game, cheering with Katrin as Tordis caught Orin's tail and won another round.

"Who do you suppose is having more fun, the pups, or the males?" Katrin jested, shaking her head at my beta who was rolling around and kicking up snow.

"They look to be having as much fun as eachother," I replied with a smile.

Ásdís let out a loud yawn and Basjan's eyes immediately snapped over to her. He got restless, wriggling with far more strength than his small body should have possessed. I sighed as he erupted into fur, claws getting tangled in his blanket.

"I've never seen a pup so young shift as much as he does," Fenna's voice commented from behind me and I turned to see her leaning against the door with a grin. "A bundle of energy. Shall I take him to play in the snow?"

A bark from my Beta showed he'd heard her. He came trotting over and up the stairs to where I sat, his tongue lolling out in a way that made him look less the mighty beta and more the excited pup. I gasped as he nudged his cold nose into my hand and settled for running my fingers through thick brown fur. A gentle nip of teeth to the hand that held Basjan and I hummed.

"You know he can barely walk in this form. You can't be as rough with him as you are with the older ones."

A comforting purr was all the agreement I got from my mate. He nudged my hand and nipped again, then pushed at the blanket, trying to set his son free.

Fenna walked around to stand beside him and gave me an encouraging smile. "I'll keep him safe. My nephew loved a good roll around in the snow when he was first able to shift."

Nodding, I gently lowered Basjan onto the floor. My heart was in my mouth as Bjarke bumped his head against his son, sending him sprawling. I growled in warning but Bjarke ignored me. Clenching one hand, I forced myself to remain still. Katrin reached over, placing a warm hand over mine, and we watched Bjarke pick Basjan up carefully by the scruff of his neck to help him down the wooden steps.

Fenna grinned then started to strip, tossing her clothes at me. "Shove them by the fire for me so they're warm when I get back?"

I nodded and folded them neatly on my lap as she shifted into her sleek black wolf then looked over to my mate and pup. Part of me was a little jealous; I wanted to be out there with them as my male played for the first time and learned how to be in his fur. As it was, Madden had banned me from shifting until my strength returned.

My grip tightened around Katrin's hand. Everything was an effort. Waking, sitting up, moving. While my son got stronger with every day, putting to rest any worries about him being born too early and too small, I almost felt like I was fading. That had only been confirmed by what Madden had told me this morning; my body wasn't making enough milk to feed Basjan. I'd managed to avoid thinking on that until I'd lost the distraction of tending to him.

It would get better, easier. I'd recover soon. That was what Bjarke repeated like a mantra and I trusted him. Shaking my head, I settled down to watch again. Basjan did look like he was enjoying the snow, pouncing into piles of it, snapping his jaws at the flakes that fell. He was curious too, sniffing and nipping at the other pups while Bjarke made sure the older ones weren't too rough with him.

"Shall we go inside?" Katrin asked, shivering a little.

"Yes. I'm hungry." And my fingers were like ice cubes but I couldn't say that's. She'd tell me off for not saying something sooner.

Slipping into the warmth of the hall, I went to hang Fenna's clothes on a rack by the fire. I held my hands out to the flames, rubbing them together until I could feel them again before heading to the table Katrin was at. Sitting carefully, my eyes scanned over what was left from lunch. I felt Katrin's eyes on me until I started eating, and smiled a little. One day, hopefully, everyone would stop watching me like a hawk to make sure I was taking care of myself.

A waft of a sickly scent and it was my turn to be the concerned one. Sol was shuffling over, the lines on his face more pronounced with the effort it took for him to move. My appetite disappeared immediately. I stood to help him but he gave me a growl, eyes darting around to make sure nobody had seen. He didn't want anyone's help, he was too proud for that. And he didn't want anyone seen to offer him help as if that was what would give away his weakening state.

"I have need of you tomorrow, Freydis." His voice was breathier, but I admired him as he forced himself to stand straight.

"What do you need of me, old male?" I asked, even though the jest was hollow of our usual teasing.

It garnered a smile from him at least. "Berries. I'm going to finish as many of your brother's tattoos as I can before. . ."

I swallowed. Before.

"I will gather what you need," I promised, with no need for thought. There was no way I would allow him to leave this realm without finishing what he started because I knew it would haunt him. Or would he haunt me?

"Thank you," he said, his head turning to look at the wolves that played outside. My gaze followed his and my heart fluttered as I watched my mate pretend that our son's little nips at his paws hurt. "Have you chosen a guardian for him?" Sᴇaʀ*ᴄh the (F)indNƟvᴇl.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

I nodded, studying the side of his face. Lines around his eyes and a clenched jaw gave away that he was in pain. "Orinfaer. He tried to refuse as he's already Basjan's uncle, but Bjarke wanted to choose his friend."

Sol smiled warmly, both hands curled tight around his staff. "As it should be I think. Orinfaer could use such a title, he still has a long way to come before being called Alpha. Perhaps taking responsibility for the protection of your son will be a good lesson for him."

"But you won't be there to see it." The words slipped out without my meaning to but Sol waved off any attempts at an apology.

He placed a hand on my shoulder and I looked up into ancient eyes that didn't seem to hold any fear for what was to come. I felt tears for him slide down my face though. A grief that made my hands shake by my side.

Despite the way he'd kept me in line with painful jabs and swats with his staff, he'd helped me settle in. He'd given me a purpose in taking me under his wing. When this male passed, his position in the pack would become mine and it felt all too soon.

"Don't shed tears for me, female," he said gently, drying my face. "I've lived longer than many wolves and there's life in me yet."

I sniffed and tilted my chin up, craving the normalcy of our relationship so I forced myself to tease. "Yes. I can almost smell you clinging on."

He laughed, his eyes alight with amusement and I managed to chuckle a little. A swift swat with his staff urged me back to my seat. "Away with you, feral wolf."

I only pretended to bristle. That word held nothing over me now.

***

"I don't know if I like this idea," Bjarke muttered.

Leaning against the wall of our den, his expression grew tighter as I attempted strap Basjan to my chest. I couldn't do it without his help but he remained stubbornly unmoving.

"You're the one that forced me to leave my den before I was ready. Now that I finally feel alright, you don't want me to go," I huffed, glaring at him over my shoulder.

He met my gaze with an irritated glare of his own, a flicker of red in eyes giving away his loss of control over his wolf. But I could be stubborn too and in a battle of wills, we both knew who would win.

With a sigh that moved his whole body, he pushed away from the wall. I moved away from him with a growl, avoiding his reaching hands. He raised an eyebrow and I could read the warning in his eyes. Today wasn't a day to test him. Giving him my back, I felt the heat of him as he reached out to tie the fabric behind me.

"Tighter," I murmured, feeling too much give when I tested if it would keep Basjan up.

Another tug and I nodded my head, allowing him to finish. His hands rested over the knot and I waited patiently for an explanation for his mood.

"It's one thing to leave the den and stay near the pack, it's another to wander off," he finally said, a hint of insecurity coating his tone.

"Sol will be with me, and I'll stay in sight of the pack. I won't wonder," I promised, turning to face him.

"Sol isn't. . ."

"Isn't what?" I narrowed my eyes.

Another warning look and Bjarke folded his arms across his chest. "You know what, Freydis. He can't protect you, he isn't strong enough anymore. Why are you being so difficult today?"

My nostrils flared in irritation. It wasn't me being difficult, it was him. He'd smothered me all morning and didn't want to let go. I was eager to get away from the pack for a while, even if it was just to pick berries. Despite knowing Basjan and I were completely safe with my packmates, I couldn't stop motherly instincts that kept me on high alert. It would be nice to have a moment of peace.

"You've said yourself that I'm safe, what will he have to protect me from? rabid squirrels?" I rolled my eyes then studied his expression. "What's the real reason you don't want me to go?"

Something flickered across his face and he took a few steps back. I tipped my head at his reaction, my eyes not missing a single thing. When his gaze met mine again, the vulnerability in their depths shook me.

I should have been paying more attention to the bond between us. Then I'd have realised the flutter of nerves wasn't coming from me but from my mate. My lips twitched a little at the hunch I drew from that.

"Maybe you aren't the only one that's been struggling." His voice was so quiet that I wasn't sure I'd even heard him right. "I don't want either of you out of my sight, it makes me feel. . .restless."

I tried not to smile, I really did because he seemed so tortured by his admission. My mate prided himself on his control, his restraint and confidence, but it gave me a strange thrill of satisfaction to hear him admit he was finding things just as difficult as me.

Moving forward, I reached out to take his hands. I kept one in mine and pressed the other against the back of his sleeping son. "Good. I was beginning to fear nothing ever fazed you."

He laughed and slid his hand from mine so he could slide his arm around my waist to draw me as close to his chest as possible with the pup between us. I tilted my head up as he leaned down and he kissed me with a possessiveness that stole my breath away. Teeth nipped at my bottom lip, a low growl rumbling out. I wasn't sure which one of us made the sound.

Cupping his cheek in my hand, I smiled against his lips. "We'll be fine. You'll be fine. And I think you underestimate Sol."

He grumbled a little but I felt the very moment he gave in. The lines of his body relaxed and he returned my smile. "

"I'll just have to keep myself busy until you return." Brushing his thumb over my bottom lip, his eyes flashed again but for an entirely different reason. "And when you do, I might have to show you just how much I missed you. Perhaps that will convince you to never stray far from my side."

I batted his hand away with a laugh even though my insides had become mush at such a declaration. The heat in his expression almost made me change my mind and I saw him smirk a little, thinking he'd managed to turn the tables so stepped away and tutted.

"Nice try, my Beta."

He only looked a little disappointed and I couldn't help but laugh again. My poor mate.

"Off you go then mother-wolf," he murmured, gently pushing me towards the door.

"You could always come with me," I offered.

He shook his head, throwing furs over his shoulders as he slipped outside with me and shut the door. "It's okay. Go, have some peace. I have to go check in with your father."

Secretly, I was glad he'd refused. It showed that he trusted me and I relished in that.

We walked hand in hand together, and I took a deep breath of crisp morning air. Another day of white views and icy winds but I didn't mind so much now. When we reached the fork in the path, I was sure Bjarke was going to try and take me with him to the village but he only gave a dejected look.

"Promise me you'll stay in sight of the village," he urged, catching my chin.

"I promise."

He gave me another heated kiss, his fingers sinking into my hair to hold me in place. I moaned as he claimed my mouth, gripping his furs to keep me upright. Only when I was suitably breathless did he release me. My body was on fire and I narrowed my eyes at my mate as he pecked the top of Basjan's head like he hadn't gotten me worked up on purpose.

This male was playing a dangerous game and I'd make sure to have him regret it by the time we went to bed in the evening.

With a smug wink he bid me a quick goodbye and I couldn't help but watch him until he disappeared, my eyes lingering on his ass.

Oh yes. He'd definitely regret this.

I hid my smile even though I was alone then turned to skirt the outside of the village. I could smell Sol before I saw him and found him standing with his eyes closed. He looked weary, and even paler than he had the day before.

"You're late," he spoke without moving a muscle, but his head tilted slightly in my direction.

"I got held up."

I expected a scolding despite my excuse, or for the staff to flick out against my shin, but he remained still. Frowning, I reached over to take the basket from by his feet. Finally he opened his eyes and I gave him a smile, trying to mask any concern in fear of offending him.

He was in pain, I could see it glittering in those watchful green eyes. A quick glance around showed nobody else was around to see us so I offered my arm. Anger flashed across his face but I didn't withdraw my offer. "It's okay if you need help. It can be our secret."

Shifting his grip on his staff, I swore I could visibly see him swallow his pride down. It was even more shocking that he nodded once and took my arm. He didn't allow me to support him too much, just enough that he could shuffle his way through the snow. The longer we walked, the more he allowed me to help.

"I thought Bjarke might have kept you captive a little longer," he noted, as if only just realising my mate wasn't here.

I laughed, rubbing up and down my son's back. He was asleep, nestled into the warmth of the furs and my chest. "He tried to dissuade me but I'm no longer his captive."

The sharp edge to my voice wasn't missed by him and his lips curled up onto a smile. I tilted my chin up and straightened my shoulders, giving a glimpse of who I hoped I'd eventually become.

"You've come a long way, Freydis. Still a little feral though," he teased, gently tapping his staff against my leg.

I grinned at that. Maybe I'd always be a little wild, a little more wolf, but I was okay with that. It was my strength, not a weakness like I believed at first. Still filled with laughter, I didn't argue as Sol led us a little deeper into the snowy forest.

The ground crunched beneath my boots, melting snow dripping from high branches to wet my hair. Before I could glare angrily up, I startled at the lone bush of blood red berries with spindly branches so dark they looked charred black. My dream immediately flickered to the forefront of my mind, my body going as cold as the snow around me. The basket nearly slipped from my fingers but I managed to regain my senses.

I'd come to pick berries, of course I'd come across some. It meant nothing.

"Be careful of the leaves," Sol reminded me.

Nodding, I carefully crouched and angled my body away from sharp branches that might prick at Basjan's skin. Only a few of the berries looked ripe enough to pick but I stopped when I spotted a few rotting. I leaned forward, inhaling deeply and gagged at the scent. It unsettled my fur and I tipped what I'd picked back into the snow.

"There's a disease here," I mumbled, more to myself than Sol.

He didn't acknowledge what I'd said, but didn't question when I stood back up to find another bush to pick from. I looked over my shoulder to make sure I could still glimpse the huts of the village through the trees before carrying on.

Basjan wriggled about as we walked and Sol chuckled at the noises he made. For a moment he looked like he was going to say something but he changed his mind and pointed his staff towards more berries. I could smell even from here that they were healthy.

I picked them slowly and I studied each one, just in case. Behind me I could hear Sol breathing heavily but I tried to act like I couldn't hear him struggling to even keep himself upright. Then something shifted in the way he stood and a strange sensation buzzed over my skin. When I turned, Sol's nose was in the air, eyes closed as he breathed in deeply. I could almost see it in his face as he sorted through the scents before his lips parted to taste the air.

Immediately, I became alert, eyes scanning the trees, scrutinising every shadow. I stood and wrapped my arms protectively around my precious cargo, forgetting all about the basket at my feet. We were being watched.

A shadow broke off from the thicket, then another and another. When they stepped out from the trees, my lips peeled back and my teeth shifted to fangs with a rumbling warning. I should have been afraid; Sol and I were outnumbered but all I felt was fury. Valdis and what was left of his rogues must have been truly stupid to think they had anything on a mother-wolf.

I wasn't naive though, I could smell that other Wanderers still lingered out of sight. Their gazes felt like ants on my skin.

A flick of Sol's hand and I crept closer to his side. He stood tall now, though it must have pained him to. Shoulders back, head held high, he stood like an Alpha once more. I wondered why they didn't attack. Why were they simply standing, as if waiting? It unsettled my fur. If it weren't for the pup in my arms, I would rage at every one of them until I knew what their blood tasted like. . .perhaps I wasn't quite as tamed as Bjarke believed.

Valdis stepped forward. Even if I didn't know the colouring of his fur it would be obvious which one he was. He still had meat on his bones while the others look like they were seconds away from collapsing under their own weight. Winter had been tough on them and maybe they'd grown desperate once more. Why else would they think this ambush could possibly be a good idea?

The air shimmered as Valdis shifted to his skin with his chest puffed out and a smile stretching cracked lips. His head tipped, gaze falling to the bundle held against my chest.

His eyes met mine again, holding a gentleness that didn't put me at ease. "Is that my son?"

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