I had lost count of how many times I had traced my lips with my fingers. So much so that I would have left a path for little invisible travellers who would want to explore the contours of my lips.

I could probably draw the contour of his lips perfectly for the way they had moulded with mine.

Plutos must have thought that I had contracted the first stage of dementia.

The animal looked at me curiously from the carpet in my bedroom, the big hairy head resting on the front legs.

The fingers of one hand played absently with the necklace around my neck. I had been analysing every little detail for a pathetic amount of time that I will not reveal for the sake of my pride.

At the party, I was so lost in the kiss, so consumed by my mate, that I had not even noticed when he had clasped a necklace around me.

It was only when its coldness tickled my skin that I found the surprise, around my neck, right after the party.

It consisted of a Tourmaline stone in the shape of a half-moon, with an L engraved inside. As sweet as the gesture was, I could not solve the puzzle that was my mate.

He was giving my mind terrible headaches and my heart premature ventricular contractions (aka he made my heart skip beats).

After a long and gruelling morning in the hospital, I had returned home to have lunch with my brother and my roommates before heading back to study for the upcoming exam, only to not have found an ounce of brain capable of the fine art of focusing.

I finally gave up after chewing on three pen caps that did not deserve that end.

It was a few days before the mid-term Advanced Anatomy exam and I needed to kill it, but all I could hear from my insides was my wolf whimpering and my heart being too loud.

A 400-pound book, a plastic human body, several fake organs, and a Makena lying on her stomach, were scattered on my bedroom floor.

“Why don’t we stop for today? We’ve been on it for hours now,”

I sighed. ‘Or rather, you. Not me.’

She looked at me and giggled at my pout.

I had confided to Makena that I had found my mate.

Her reaction had been one of sheer glee, with loud, lewd jokes about how explosive sex would be with the Terminator himself, how funny it would be to watch mouths fall to the ground when my family heard the news, and so on.

Besides, she had told me to be careful. Because whether they understood the special bond with which they had been blessed by the Moon itself, in the end they might not understand it. According to her, Logan had left the party so as not to mark me in the middle of the dance floor and/or to avoid a show with my twin a short distance from the game of the year.

“I know you are somewhere else,” She chuckled. “I would be too if my mate was a sex God”

My head snapped to her and a growl left my mouth.

“But this test is important, Yva. Its percentage makes up 60% of the total.”

With a grunt, I threw papers, notes and organs on the floor. “I will fail.” sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ FindNøvᴇl.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

Makena rolled her eyes and shook her head, her curls jumping all over the place.

“Girl, stop. We all know you’ll get the most out of it as always.” She closed the laptop and ate a few pieces of fruit from the fruit salad we had made.

“And if you don’t, you can always ask Alex for extra credit. That shouldn’t be hard.”

I almost choked on a piece of apple. “I hope he’s not present during the exam!”

Makena snickered. “All I’m saying is you don’t even have to work hard, just shake what you have got down there,” she said, shaking her hips for emphasis.

And I threw her a pillow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Makena left for a date, I had decided to take one of my night walks with Pluto. It was a cold evening, where clouds and wind fought for dominance and trees were their victims.

Wearing only a sweatshirt, I quickly changed into comfortable clothes, not bothering to remove my pajamas from under my layer of clothing and walked out with Pluto on my heels.

“Come on, P.” I stroked the soft head when he was distracted by some scents.

When a vibration came from my pockets, and I saw who was, I bit my lip and took a deep breath.

I would have never been too busy to talk to him, regardless of anything else.

I pressed the accept button, not bothering to put the earphones on as there weren’t many people at the time, just a few students going for their night joggings.

“Hey guys! What are you doing still awake?”

“Vyvy!” Ian screamed from my father’s lap. They seemed to be in a different room.

The nasogastric tube he had on his face, kept there with a long bandage, pinched my heart.

A nasogastric tube is a thin, soft tube that is passed through the child’s nostril, down the back of their throat, through the oesophagus (food pipe) and into their stomach.

I should never have reacted like that. I was a doctor, trained to lock emotions in a drawer. I volunteered at the children’s hospital and sadly I had seen the worst. I had watched death steal souls and take them away from this world almost every week.

Regardless, no matter what, whenever I saw my younger brother with that NGT on his face, it was a cold reminder that the ticking of the clock was racing towards the dark end.

“When will you come home, Vy? We must watch the new Jurassic World movie together! I’m waiting for you” He said with extreme delight and eyes that were overflowing with hope. Eyes that were a mirror of mine, the same Scottish blue. I tried to raise my lips in a smile but instead it remained a flat line unable to move.

“I know, Ian, I know.”

I loved this little man so much that my heart could explode at any moment.

“After my exam I promise, and I’m going to stay a little longer this time!” The squeal of happiness and the huge smile melted all my organs in a disgusting soup.

“Hey honey, how’s school going?” My dad peeked out from behind Ian’s curly black hair and then I noticed what my dad had on his face.

There was not so much my heart could take.

A choking sound escaped my lips and tears threatened to flood me.

It was not for his tired face and dark circles under his eyes.

He had the same bandage as Ian on his cheek, near his nose. Just in the same position that Ian’s had. Just not to make him feel different, outcast.

“Yvaine” My father sent me a silent warning. I took a deep breath to calm down.

“Great, university is great. I have everything under control. I’m almost done studying for the exam, but I have to review everything again.” I explained robotically.

“I’m proud of you. And your grandmother can’t stop reminding everyone how great it is to have a doctor in the family and how you can prescribe her free drugs.” We chuckled and just like that the mood was considerably lighter as we chatted about grandma back in Scotland and other things.

“So, you will come to the game, right? Can’t wait to see Alpha Clown. My fists had missed his shit face-”

“Dad!” Ian exclaimed as he covered my father’s face with his little hands, making me laugh out loud. “I AM talking to Vyvy now!”

“Okok, little man. There’s no need to be so violent,” He sighed before frowning.

“Jeez, you’re definitely your mother’s son,” He murmured, making us laugh again.

“Look, Vy!”

He had shown me the new book he had started this week; it was Narnia. We kept chatting for a little more.

At the end of the video call, I had a serious talk with Dad who informed me about the news on Ian’s health.

It was the usual.

“Wait, Ian wants to tell you one more thing” My dad handed the phone back to my brother, “Vyvy, when you get home I’ll show you my special-” At that moment I walked into someone and the impact sent my phone on the ground, hitting an innocent mushroom in the process.

A wave of anger went through me as I lost what my little sunshine had to tell me so eagerly.

“Oh, I’m sorry Yvaine.” A familiar voice said mockingly, before a shadow began to recede. Had he done it on purpose?

“Hey! What’s your problem?” I snapped clenching my fists, staring at his back and shoulders stiffening before he turned to me. With a growl, I picked up my battered phone from the cold, mossy ground. My wolf was scratching to come out and show him what happened when you messed up with us.

The werewolf before me looked exhausted, almost worn out by life. Leaves in his hair, a few wounds still not marginalized, and clothes that had seen better days, he seemed to have recently shifted back. For a moment I wondered where he had gone at this hour.

“I don’t have any.” He shrugged disinterestedly. Something was off.

“I’m busy so ... good evening.” he said, already leaving.

“Alex, wait, I-”

“It’s okay Yvainne. I got it.” He looked at me over his shoulder, a flash of pain crossed his eyes for a second, but it was gone before I could even tell if it was there in the first place.

“You’re sorry because I was just a pastime to let off steam and nothing more. You could have had the decency to tell me instead of keeping me hanging there. But it’s fine.”

I sighed. He was right, I had completely forgotten about him. We had a nice date but after my mate had waltzed into my life, he took all the available space in my heart and more.

“I’m sorry. Look, the thing is we’re not mates, and I-” But he interrupted me.

“I saw who you were kissing at the party.” He blurted out taking two steps forward. A punch in the belly would have hurt less than his words.

Did he recognize my mate?!

I still had not decided what to do after his disappearance yesterday. I had not even confided it to anyone but Amaia, Makena and Archie.

“A Dark Diamond’s wolf. So... stop being a puritan when you just wanna fuck a-”

I slapped him on the cheek. Hard.

Alex laughed humorlessly when he touched his cheek before a condescending look appeared. “Such a deceptive minx” with an invisible move, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me forward. His eyes caught mine for a second.

“Watch your pretty back, little Alpha. The matenapper may be in the dark corner and steal something from you, or even you, when you least expect it. After all, you are the Highlander’s sister ... and who knows who your mate might be .... Right? ”

His eyes dug holes in mine before moving to my lips. I could recognize the moment his wolf emerged ... a second later, his lips made their way to mine.

I was shocked for a moment before a stab of pain shot through my chest.

Oh no.....

No no no.

With a growl, I kneed him where the sun didn’t shine and rubbed my hand over my lips.

Plutos pounded on him and attacked his leg.

“Damned pet,” Alex snarled at him, managing to free himself and glared at my animal.

I escaped from his grip, turned around and punched him on the chest. “What the hell was that, Alex?” I was seething with gritted teeth, holding a growling Pluto back.

What if Logan felt it too? Please don’t let him feel it!

Alex must have noticed my panic attack-face because he sighed and gave me some space.

“Look, I’m sorry, ok?” He ran a hand over his face. “I have so much on my mind right now and I have let my emotions control me.”

My lips pursed and suddenly I found myself clutching the necklace in my fingers. As if the romantic and sugary part of myself wanted to cling to my mate.

And somehow, I felt better.

“You are right. I didn’t call you back or give you an explanation. The truth is, I’ve been insanely busy, and you’re not my mate or my boyfriend, Alex. And there’s a reason why I’m not usually dating.”

He studied me a little bit, and the rancour began to dissipate from his eyes, leaving only sadness.

“That hooded boy, he was your mate. Wasn’t him?”

If my silence still had not answered his question, my looking away had confirmed the assumption.

“Listen, Yvaine. I really like you. I have never met anyone as special as you are.” He sighed, looking at me almost painfully.

“My ex, she was my mate and we ... We didn’t work. Sometimes the Moon Goddess can be wrong. Sometimes the fated mate is faulty in some way, with something that makes it impossible for him/her to provide the love we need or deserve. And this is not to say that it will be the same for you and your mate. But I bet we’re not plain sailing if you haven’t told anyone about your mate yet and I don’t see any mark on you. ”

I winced a bit at how my mate had disappeared after our first kiss and after our special dance.

Or how he hadn’t tried to contact me. I hadn’t done that either, but before the party I had planned to ask Rudolph for his number after gathering enough courage to call him myself.

But now?

A part of me, the frightened and insecure part, wanted to give Alex a chance, too scared of the immense affection and attachment I already felt towards a mate whose I did not even know the sound of the voice.

Alex was one of the nicest guys, an honest athlete, a future doctor that shared several of my views.

Sensing my discomfort, he took my hands, swallowing my smaller ones in his, and stared at me with determination.

“I’m not going to give up on you. I know you don’t feel the same for me ... yet.”

Then he smiled at me. The first genuine smile I saw in him since the party.

“And I’m not stupid. I know you think you’re in love with him. Because of the bond. Because he’s all you think you have ever needed. Because he’s the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid eyes on, and then there are the sparks. Oh the damned sparks always complicate everything.”

His hands on mine did not feel right. I removed them and took a step backwards.

There was another part of me, the emotional and wild part, that wanted to yell at him to back off, that I had already claimed, or sort of.

“Maybe he is good for you. But if he isn’t, if he fucks up, I’ll be here for you, if your heart ever decides to give me a real chance. I’m all in.”

I swallowed audibly when he kissed my cheek, lingering a second too long.

He was offering me stability, kindness, and a friendly partnership. But there were no sparks. And there will never be. And deep down I knew that from the moment my eyes met that silver pair, I had crossed the threshold of the land of no return.

“Alex...”

“And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone about your mate. But don’t let it consume you like mine did to me.”

After a prolonged silence I finally asked the question.

“What happened between you and your mate exactly?”

FLASHBACK (+18)

I was walking briskly home to my beautiful and innocent mate. After a romantic dinner where I had cooked the new recipe I had learned for her and her alone, and a few too many drinks ~ I should have known that my little one couldn’t handle too much wine ~ I ran to the shop to buy some ice cream.

How could I have forgotten about ice cream after I made the brownie? What a fool.

This was supposed to be our special night, our first time. I also managed to stop by a shop to buy her some pink roses, her favourite.

I ignored the heaviness in my chest and the quickening breathing, too focused on disentangling myself from going home.

To make matters worse, I had crossed paths with my friends who had held me back longer than I liked.

The pain in my chest started to erupt there. My friends wanted to take me to the hospital, but I refused.

When I reached my house, still living with dad, for a moment I thought about going to the hospital and listening to my friends’ advice. I could barely walk. My mind was clouded with pain and fear could not whisper the truth behind the pain, because, well, pain reigned.

When I opened the front door, my eyes snapped to a half-broken pink lace bra on the floor. Beside it was some black men’s trousers. With the heart in my throat, I followed sounds that shouldn’t have been there and found myself in front of the scene that would forever change my life.

My father, the one who had a certain influence on creating me and giving me access to this world, and my sweet, innocent mate were fornicating like rabbits.

I could see his ass kicking up and down frantically, his tense leg muscles working, his balls bouncing as he penetrated the sweet essence of who was supposed to be my soul mate. Her moans and cries, his grunts, the bed bouncing against the wall, and the sound of skin against skin was all I heard before I saw red and my wolf attack.

Shouts, cries, screams, and growls followed.

My father ended up with a black eye and three deep scratches on his chest, my mate was crying in despair and had vomited the alcohol and the shame, but it was not enough.

I, who wanted to tear my heart out of my chest, was lying on the ground after my father defended himself and knocked me down. He kept saying he didn’t know, that he had no idea that she was my mate, that he thought she was his deceased mate, my mother, or an angel.

I would have done everything to extinguish the pain that whipped me in gusts, like a wind that had arms of whips and whipped me from all sides.

END Of FLASHBACK

“I think I even forgave my father. He had no idea. I hadn’t told him I had found my mate, and after all the pain he had endured, nearly killed him, when mom was stolen by leukemia, I couldn’t make him lose his son too. He was my only family left.”

“But she... she had felt the pain in her chest when my father’s touch was wrong. So I rejected her. Since then she had tried to get back together but I simply lost every single ounce of feeling for her.”

“Oh my god.” I covered my mouth. “It’s just terrible. I had no idea”

“It’s ok. Four years have passed. I got over it and I don’t need your pity”

I opened my mouth to protest when he shook his face,

“What I’m trying to say here is... Even the Moon Goddess can make mistakes Ivy.”

That may be true... but my heart no longer belonged to me.

And Logan may not have marked me yet, but his kiss certainly did.

~~~~

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