Werewolf Compilations
Chapter 69

Later in the night, I find myself sitting on the stairs at exactly the time Alpha Grant is in his bedroom-hidden away over a boundary I don't dare to cross-and exactly the time she comes for her overnight visit. believe that he thinks I've lost my mind, so I might as well lose it.

I thought about grabbing a bottle from the odd cabinet to amuse myself while I wait, but I thought it best if I'm not drunk while this happens. I need her to be afraid of me and no one is afraid of a crying loser. When I hear the front door open, I straighten up. As expected, she comes sneaking across the foyer and towards the stairs. When she appears in front of me, I suck in a breath and puff up my chest, ready to wave my arms around as if I'm scaring off a bear. She stops abruptly and stares down at me, waiting for my response. "Leave," I say strongly, "go home."

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I stand up. "Your brother, Theodore, wants you to stop coming here at night," partly him and mostly me, "so you better go home. People with nothing are dangerous." I smile tiredly.

She looks uncomfortable, and she speaks. "Only Alpha Grant can tell me what to do." Her voice is soft, soothing almost, like a baby animal-too young to know what's good, like me. "Alpha Grant is my Mate. Now go."

Her face drops, her once flawless features now overcast by disappointment. She looks down, saying nothing, and she turns back to the door, and just before it closes I swear that I hear a quiet sob. I swallow, locking the door. Theodore said she would be hurt, welcome to the party.

My eyes peer up to the stairs, paranoid that Alpha Grant may be watching me, but there is no one there. Was that too easy? She'll approach him about it, I know that. I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose. I have nothing to lose.

In my bedroom, I sit down, frustrated that I can't listen to music. The shelf is empty but I see something wonderful, the diary, it's still there. He didn't take it. I grab it, feeling it with my fingers to make sure it is real, flipping through pages fast enough to fan myself. Her words are there, months of entries. My entertainment for now. I change my clothes first, getting comfortable, not able to find my purple pajama shirt from my mother, only the bottoms.

Once in bed, I turn to the next entry.

September 26th, 1991

I tried to interest him today. I wore my nice pajamas and walked out of the bathroom when I heard him come into the bedroom, making sure he saw all of me. I smiled, he didn't. What did I expect? I looked nice, I looked lovable, but of course, he didn't want to love me. He didn't say a word, not one. Not even goodnight.

I am in the bathroom now with the door locked, writing this because I cannot sleep. I don't know what to do. I could hardly sleep much last night either. I help the maids cook, but I hardly feel like eating. I feel empty inside. The only thing I have to look forward to is my visit back home in two weeks. I'll see my mother and father, even little John.

I found out that Alpha Grant's first name is James. One of the maids told me and it made me feel better. I like knowing things about him, and I'm sure he would have never told me himself. I was mated to a mar whose first name I didn't know. It sounds sad when I read it back. I feel sad. I speak with my mother over the phone and at first, I was telling her about his distancing, but now I can't help but tell her things are getting better. She's happy for me. It doesn't make me feel better, though. It's all lies. I have resorted to lying.

I'll go and lay in bed again. The only time I can touch him is when he's asleep, and I'll stroke his cheek or press my hand to his if I can. I'm always scared that he'll wake, but I need a connection, I need something.

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