Big girls don't cry
16. Retracted heart

Kian’s POV

We’re just looking at her. I can’t understand how such a small and beautiful creature can hold such wrath within herself without bursting. She deserves warmth and closeness, not the grief she lived all her life through. Of course, I’ve had to go through numerous trials in my twenty-six years. That’s probably why I can see her pain and understand it because she doesn’t know that I’ve been at the place she’s at right now. She doesn’t see the pain I had to endure to find her; how can she when I haven’t told her? Someday I will show her, but not now; it’s she who needs my focus right now and not the other way around. Somehow I have to convince her that she can trust me. It hurts to see how she trusts Henry more than me. When I pointed that out to Henry earlier, he just contradicted that he had more time with her than I did because he found her. She had been tense about the whole car trip here before she went to sleep and avoided her anxiety for a little while. You’re probably wondering how I could have to look for her all these years? I met a witch many years ago who described my future mate to me. I had given all my warriors and contacts the description of her appearance, with orders that she would be found at all costs, no matter what. They all wondered how I could know what she looked like; I had answered with a simple” I can feel it” that everyone believed in, except Henry. It’s against the law to do business with the witches because most are evil and have created many problems for our werewolf community. They had been thrown out and threatened never to try to enter again; they will face death if they do. It may seem foolish to threaten a dozen witches, given their powers. But we’re more than them in numbers; they can’t attack us all at once. We all live in a big city with the name “Red moon city,” and the city divide between all the packs that live here. My group owns the majority of the land in the city. Our quantity is our most significant advantage, and the witches know that, which is why they accepted our order and left the city. We have some alliances, but everyone hardly likes us. It’s impossible to keep all residents happy; just as with everything else, conflicts arise that we can’t always resolve. It isn’t in that way that there’s a war going on, but we have many eyes on us because we own almost a third of our shared society.

“I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over. You’re welcome back tomorrow,” a nurse says, who opens the door to the room ajar.

I look at Aleida, and her eyes shine back at me with an understanding.

“You see why we have to keep you in here for a while, right?” I ask uncertainly, and she nods slowly.

“Yes, I’m a danger to myself, but, above all, to others,” she calmly answers.

Her answer astounds me; the concern for others reflects through the dark in her mind even now that she’s at the bottom.

“You truly are a remarkable she-wolf, Aleida,” I say and chuckle low.

She sits down on the bed and gives us a little wave before we walk out the door. The nurse is standing by outside and locks the door when we leave. I don’t particularly appreciate having to lock her up, even though it’s for her safety.

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” Henry asks when we walk side by side to the elevators.

“I honestly don’t know. I want to say yes, but right now, the whole situation is uncertain. None of us can know for sure how Aleida will be affected with time. Of course, my greatest desire is that she’ll be able to start reasoning again and accept me as her mate. I think her wolf could have helped her with that. Unfortunately, it seems that her wolf is forgotten and hidden somewhere deep within her. She’s not ready to let her through yet,” I answer with a deep sigh.

“That thought has crossed my mind, too. The most important thing right now is that our future luna gets the help she needs to start processing the events that shaped her. How long do you think she’s going to have to be here?”

“I can only agree with you. As for your question, I think a week is a good start. Then Aleida gets the time to get used to the idea that I’m actually her mate for real and that she’s safe here with us,” I say, and Henry is quiet until we get in the car outside the pack hospital.

“How can you know for sure that she’s your mate?”

“What do you mean?”

“Yes, thus no disrespect, boss, but she doesn’t seem to share your feelings directly. She has repeatedly denied you as her mate.”

“I can feel the sparks when she touches me, Ry. Her contact with my skin instantly calms me, and her scent makes my wolf howl with joy within me. I can say with a clear conscience that she’s mine, our mate,” I state proudly, and Henry smiles wide at me.

“That’s good, boss. I just wanted to make sure.”

“It’s all right, my friend.”

The rest of the short trip back to the packhouse is quiet. It’s not until I sit in my office chair in my office that I can relax after the meeting with Aleida.

She’s a real tidbit, my wolf, Jax, purrs inside my head.

Don’t be disgusting, Jax.

What? Isn’t she?

Of course, she is! I have eyes to see with; I’m not blind.

Well, then, how can you deny it? Imagine having her delicious legs around our waist and then…

I cut the link and focus on my breathing. Every thought leads to Aleida one way or another. My papers on the desk about expanding one of my businesses remind me how one day she can grow our family with pups; the wall at the door reminds me of how hard she trained the day before, without a thought of anything else. Yeah, I think you understand how my thoughts can’t move to anything but her. I want nothing but to have her in my arms. Feel her scent, which, incidentally, is a mixture of peach and lemonade, a fragrance out of summer; I shudder by the thought of her hands moving over my body. Her little short but powerful body shows itself inside my thoughts. In my thoughts, she stands in front of me, naked, with a thin white sheet wrapped around her, her gaze on the sunrise outside the balcony doors; she opens and walks out. The wind moves through her long dark hair, and she gives me a seductive look. Aleida begins to sing “All of me,” and her voice is like an angel’s. The voice sounds much like the feeling of freshly washed silk sheets against bare skin. She seductively walks up to me, still singing, straddling me, and puts her hands on my cheeks. I can feel her breath against my lips.

*Knock Knock*

Someone opens the door and interferes with my daydream. I growl low before I see who’s entered the room.

“Don’t you dare growl at me, my boy,” the woman says, and I run to her.

She laughs low and takes me in her arms.

“How are you, moj dragi?”

It means my treasure in Slovenian, the woman in front of me is my grandmother, and she has always said that I’m the most precious treasure ever.

“It’s okay; I found my mate.”

She claps her hands together and laughs in pure joy. She knows how long I’ve been waiting and looking for her. Sᴇaʀch Thᴇ Findɴovel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“Finally! Where is she? Can I see her?” she asks; I frown and sigh.

“You can’t, not right now, babica (grandma).”

“Why not?”

“She’s in the psych ward,” I answer; she gasps and puts her hands over her little mouth.

“What happened to her?”

“We don’t know, but it’s apparent that she’s depressed and has some form of trauma.”

“Is she going to be okay?”

“No one knows,” I answer; she pats my cheek with sympathy and sighs.

“Nothing is ever easy for you, my zvezda (star), is it?”

“Apparently not,” I answer and smile weakly.

She starts walking towards the door but turns around just before she walks out and says;

“I’m going to get a cup of tea. You look like you need a moment for yourself; we’ll talk more later, moja ljubezen (my love).”

I nod, and she walks out of the room. When I hear the click from the door, I quickly open up my laptop and start frantically searching for answers to what I can do to help her. Article after article, I read and try to understand the medical concepts. I don’t know how long I’m sitting there looking for information. It could have been minutes, hours, days... Until I suddenly understand what I have to do. I must find the witch who helped me with the description of my mate. I’m very well aware that there’s a significant risk and expose myself to considerable danger, but it doesn’t matter when it comes to my goddess. I have to save her in every way I can think of.

Find Hamida, I say in mindlink to my beta, Henry.

Are you sure that’s a good idea?

No, I know it’s a terrible idea. But we have come to a crossroads where we have to decide whether our future luna is worth the risk or not, and for me, the answer is an obvious ‘yes.’

Okay, I hope you know what you’re doing ... What can I do?

There’s not much you can do, but I would be grateful if you could make me a promise.

Anything, alpha.

If it comes to the point that it stands between her and me, you will save her.

Alpha…

No, promise me!

Okay, I promise to protect her with everything I have. Thank You, Henry; this is why you’re my best friend. You too, boss.

Our mindlink breaks, and I pull a frustrated hand through my hair. The doubt over whether this is the best choice creeps into me and builds a nest in my head.

This is the best, and you know it, Jax says.

We expose both ourselves and her to great danger, I answer, and he snorts.

Focus on the problem, Kian! The greatest danger is that of herself. Aleida’s the one who can do the most damage. If someone else tries to kill her and isn’t willing to die, she can defend herself and continue living. But if she gives up now, then it’s she and no one else that’s the danger.

For the first time in my life, I’m terrified, Jax. I don’t know if I can do this.

I don’t give a shit about your beliefs; this is our mate, which we have searched for many years. Are you really going to give up now when we finally have her? We have to help her, and if you can’t do it, I’ll take over to get the job done.

You should under no circumstances take over! We both know what a stupid idea it was the last time…

It wasn’t that bad…

Oh, it wasn’t? You slept with a girl who had a crush on us and pissed her off when we rejected her. Do you know what Aleida will think of that? No, that’s right. She has guaranteed saved herself for her mate, and here we are, used because you couldn’t control your animalistic urges.

He whines loudly and closes the conversation. I know I have to tell Aleida, but I don’t know how to. She’s going to hate me, hate us, for what we’ve done. We should have saved ourselves for her and not thrown away our first time that should’ve been special, with a woman we didn’t like. The woman was attractive, absolutely, no doubt about the matter, but we felt nothing for her. We need Aleida, both in body and spirit. Now, we can’t do much else than to pray to the moon goddess that our mate will be able to forgive us…

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