Big girls don't cry
17. Misery, love & confusion

Aleida POV

I’ve been inside this room for a week now. I have managed not to slip back into the void, but it’s getting harder and harder to fight it. Sometimes, I can feel a tingling feeling in the back of my head, like someone is trying to contact me. I have no idea who it is, and that’s also the reason why I don’t dare to open up. My dreams are full of weird and distracting images that I don’t know what to do about. This night I dreamed about Miliano. He told me that all the sorrow and pain is inside my head, that I have to get out of it and come back to him. I told him that I don’t know how and that I’m confused over how he can be alive when he died in my arms. He only smiled at my confusion and said that it would be explained to me all in due time. Then I woke up. I have been thinking over and over again, trying to understand what this all is about. Both Henry and Kian have been visiting me, obviously worried about me. I’ve started to open up about my life, even though I don’t know why. It’s like... When Kian enters the room, I want to tell him everything and beg him to keep me safe. But my pride stands in the way; that’s my biggest problem. My pride is standing in the course of my happiness. I feel guilty when I’m with Kian because I already have a mate I thought died, Miliano. I can’t just forget everything I had with him. We had a connection, a strong one. A bond between mates can never fully break, not unless you get a second chance mate, and that’s not always a fact that you get one. So I’m feeling torn between my fear of losing Miliano and my confusing feelings about Kian. I have no idea what to make of this, and I obviously can’t tell them about my dreams. Then I probably will be locked up here forever. However, I have decided that if I can feel someone contacting me again, I will answer; maybe, just maybe, it’s Miliano. The door opens, and Kian walks into the room, followed by Henry.

“Hi, how are you feeling, lepa?” Kian asks me.

I smile at him and see the tension in his body; he’s exhausted; it looks like he hasn’t slept for weeks.

“I’m fine for once. I have talked to the psychiatrist and beginning to process everything. I feel lighter in some weird way. The path before me is no longer as dark as it was before; now it’s a little bit brighter,” I answer truthfully, and my whole inside warms up when I see the proud smile on his face.

“That’s wonderful, lepa. I’m really proud of you. Are you ready to go home?” Kian asks, and I nod cautiously. “I know that this may be hard for you, but I promise that both I and Henry will be here to protect you. So there’s no need to be afraid.”

I want to believe his words, I really do, but somehow I can’t. There’s a constant fear that something will go wrong, and I will end up in that hell hole I recently got out of, the place I once called my home. I can’t go back there yet; I need to save my strength and keep on training before getting my revenge.

“Can you do that for me?” Kian asks, and I get back to the conversation; I realize that I’ve zoned out.

“Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you please could at least try to trust us?”

“I will try.”

“That’s all I ask of you, lepa.”

He takes my hand, and I walk beside him towards the elevators. Everyone looks at us, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, exposed. I let go of Kian’s hand, and I see him look sadly at our now separated hands. I don’t want to let go of his hand, but it feels wrong when everyone’s staring, and the thoughts about Miliano make me feel guilty all over again. He doesn’t say anything about it, though, which makes me happy; that could have been awkward fast. Instead, when I jump out of the car, Kian instantly picks me up and carries me inside. This new sensation confuses me deeper. What are these feelings? They are similar to those I had with Miliano but not at all as strong. Kian lets me down carefully when we reach the bedroom. This bedroom is very similar to Miliano’s.

“Rest now, my dear, lepa,” Kian says softly and leaves me in the room.

I look around, and I’m beginning to freak out; this room isn’t only similar, but a replica of Miliano’s bedroom! The only difference is that our wardrobes have switched places. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I can feel the familiar panic starting to rise within me. I sit down on the bed and tries to sort out my thoughts. But, the tingling in the back of my mind is here again, and this time, I open it wide.

Aleida? Miliano’s voice rings inside my head.

Milo!?

Oh, moon goddess, finally! Where are you?

I- I don’t know...

What do you mean you don’t know? Tell me, and I will get you.

I can’t go with you.

Why not?

Because my... My mate is here, I tell him, and he gets silent for a minute.

But I’m your mate! he growls inside my mind.

I know that! I have no idea what I’m supposed to think or do, I don’t know what’s happening, and I’m starting to get scared by all of this.

I’m sobbing into my hands, afraid that someone will hear me.

Hey, Aleida, please don’t cry; I can’t stand it when you cry. Just tell me everything.

So I do. I tell Miliano how I woke up in my old packhouse, about the alpha dinner, how Henry found me, my psychotic breakdown, and my mate. He doesn’t interrupt me when I talk, and when I finish, he sighs.

I was afraid this would happen...

What do you mean?

I can’t tell you right now, Aleida, please believe me that I want to; I just can’t.

His words make me frown; why can’t he tell me the truth? Sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ ꜰindNʘvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

Okay, but can you at least tell me what happened over there?

I seriously have no idea. You were about to spar with the cocky wolf, and when you were about to start, you fell to the ground, screaming your lungs out with blood falling like tears from your eyes. You kept on screaming that I couldn’t leave you and that I had promised you not to go... It was a terrifying scream. I couldn’t understand what happened; everyone was okay, except you. Then suddenly, you just vanished into thin air. We looked for you everywhere, but you were nowhere to be found. That’s when I started to try to contact you, but somehow I got blocked out over and over.

Yeah, sorry about that...

It’s okay; I can understand why. But, listen, I have to go, but I promise that I’m going to come for you, baby. You’re never alone, and I miss you dearly. I have some things to look into, and when I finish, I’m coming for you.

With that, the mindlink closes. Stunned, I just sit there. Miliano’s obviously alive and well, but what was it that I saw? How could I have been teleported back to hell on earth just like that? Nothing makes sense.

Kian’s POV

My phone rings, and I frown when I see who’s calling me. I breathe in deeply before I answer the call.

“Well, well, well, look who it is. My baby brother calls me after almost six years. What can I do for you?” I say with a mocking voice.

“Cut the attitude, shithead,” he answers.

“Make me.”

“Oh, you’re so fucking childish.”

“It was you who interrupted my good day with your call, idiot,” I answer back angrily.

“Do you seriously think that I would call you unless it were important?”

“Well, you are annoying as fuck, so yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me at all.”

“Can you please, for one goddamn moment, shut the fuck up and listen to me!?”

“Ooooh, big words, little brother.”

“Shut it!” he roars at me, and I hear him taking a deep breath to calm down. “We have a problem.”

“Since when do we have a problem? We haven’t collaborated for many years; why start now?”

“Because we have the same mate.”

My blood gets cold inside my veins, no he can’t mean that-.

“What did you just say?”

“You heard me; Aleida is our mate.”

“How is that even possible?”

“Remember Hailey?”

I feel how my brain is beginning to remember. Hailey, she’s the girl I had sex with many years ago. I remember that she had a crush on my brother and me.

“Yeah, what about her?”

“She’s the descendent from Monica Ravers; this was the curse the legend talked about. We both pissed her off, and our punishment is to share our mate. You and I hate each other; this is the ultimate punishment for us. Hailey knew this. She knows that if one of us touches our mate, the other is going to lose it completely.”

Every word he says makes sense. I can’t believe it, however. Why do I have to share my mate at all!? And with him of all people...

“How is she anyway?” he asks, worried.

“She’s okay; under the circumstances, I’m shocked that she hasn’t cracked yet. She’s a tough lady.”

“That’s good to hear; I’ve been anxious about her.”

“I need to know the backstory to understand this,” I say, and he explains his side of the story of what had happened.

It finally clicks inside me, and I understand that my brother has to come here. We need to make our mate whole.

“You need to come here, we have to save her, and it hurts me to say this, but... We have to collaborate to make her feel safe again,” I say.

“That’s probably the smartest thing ever, coming out of your mouth, brother.”

“Shut it, dipshit. When can you be here?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Who will you bring with you?”

“I was thinking Killian, Nathan, and Jason. I don’t know if she remembers them, but I think that her brothers can help link her to the past. The good parts.”

“You may be right; only time will tell.”

“Watch over her, and don’t screw anything up; I’ll be there tomorrow.”

“How can I screw it up?”

“Well, you are kind of stupid and are known to fuck things up in a short period of time.”

“I’ll keep her safe. But we need to take it carefully; we might overwhelm her and make her condition worse.”

“I couldn’t agree more. See you tomorrow, asshole,” Miliano says and hangs up the phone.

I just stare at the phone, mesmerized. How could any of this happen, how’s Aleida handling this, and how can we protect her from everything? But most important, how can we save her from herself? I call my beta inside my office. He walks in with a smile on his face but drops it when he sees my face.

“What happened?” he asks worriedly.

“Miliano called,” I answer, and he looks at me, shocked.

“What? But you haven’t talked for years!”

“I know that.”

“So, what did he want?”

“Aleida is his mate too,” I whisper, and he gasps.

“Is this the punishment?” Henry asks, and my head snaps up.

“How do you know about that?”

“Oh please, I was there when she flipped, remember?”

I look at my hands, unable to look at my beta. He probably senses that I’m tense because he walks up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

“Everything will be all right, Kian.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because she loves you,” he answers, and that statement makes me smile.

“What if she loves him too?”

“She probably does. Miliano is also her mate,” Henry answers, and I growl. “Calm down; you just have to accept that.”

“How can you say such a thing!? How am I supposed to accept that my brother is mates with my mate!?”

“Because you’re all connected through the bond. She can’t just reject one of you; the other will suffer from it too. That’s why you both must learn to respect each other and her options. She may not understand it yet, but that girl is in love, maybe not in both of you, but still, she’s in love. I don’t think she understands the concept of “love” because she’s never experienced it except her parents, and you can’t compare love between parents and their child with a mate’s love.”

I let his words sink in; both me and Jax, who’s pissed, by the way, understand that our feelings towards our brother don’t matter right now. Instead, it’s Aleida that’s important, and I’m going to make her happy, no matter what.

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