The days pass by slowly. Dimitri is putting together all the small details of the trip as quickly as he can, but things still seem to be moving at a far slower pace than I would like. It just adds to my frustration that things are taking so long; we don’t exactly have the luxury of time, I suspect that it won’t be long before Shadow Fang comes after me.
I think the Alpha in question caught on to my agitation, and so he instructs me to pass the time by spending time with the other bitches in the Pack. Just by my luck, today is the weekly luncheon. With direction from their Alpha and much pressure from Angel, Irina and Viktorya, I reluctantly agree. I haven’t got much of a choice in the matter.
The first thing that I do is speak with Irina, the conversation goes somewhere along the lines of: ’I wasn’t attacking you, but your way of life is outdated and some people may not be as happy living the way that you are’.
All in all, Irina realises that is as close to an apology as she would get, considering I don’t really know what an apology is. She takes it with good faith, though still not agreeing- not that it surprises me at all. Changing an entire system like how a pack works isn’t like flipping a switch, so I understand her reluctance to change.
The luncheon begins when all the pack bitches arrive; all the tables in the tea shop are pushed together to create one huge table in the small space. There are a good number of bitches, somewhere between 20 and 30 of them. They all begin chattering gently with one another domestically, I overhear some exchanging recipes and talking about pups.
I would never admit it to anyone, but it is single handedly the most awkward, and irritating experience of probably my entire life.
The pack bitches here are such a close knit community; they smile and laugh with each other but when it comes to me, they are very cautious. Though they try to hide it since I’m clearly in comfortable company with their higher-ranking bitches, as much as they try, I can easily see their weariness when it comes to me. (Not that I have any grievances about it, in fact it’s somewhat amusing.)
I don’t particularly care, nor am I surprised in the slightest. I haven’t been introduced into the entire pack, so for all they know I could be their Alphas whore. (Although judging by the behaviour of one bitch in particular, and my memory of first arriving here, I assume the position is already taken.)
They are right to be careful, I could easily kill all of them without breaking a sweat...if I wanted to. I am above them in every way possible and they can all probably sense it.
Most of the bitches act fickle, gossiping about who’s mate is better however I can tell they all have a much deeper bond. They seem to genuinely care about each other’s emotional development and enjoy providing support for those with even the smallest of issues.
I sit at the corner of the table, taking in the well lit and decorated tea shop. Angel and Irina sit with me; Viktorya sits amongst the other bitches since she is only a Kappa. The two bitches with me never once leave me alone, and decide that they would ‘teach’ me how to use their strange eating utensils.
Irina tells me that they are called ‘cutlery’ and are used to eat without being too messy. My hands are clumsy and unaccustomed to the dainty pieces of metal; they often clatter out of my hands when I try to use them.
I hate feeling out of my element, but I’m more than determined- by force or by fire- that I will learn this one humane behaviour. Even if it doesn’t embarrass me, I don’t want to behave like an animal all the time; Shadow Fang took my humanity and I want to reclaim it however I can. Besides, maybe if I become more like him, Dimitri would be more willing to help.
It takes me a few tries, but I’m successfully able to manoeuvre the cutlery to eat. It’s still slightly uncomfortable since this is the first time that I have ever used such devices, but I’m still proud of my accomplishment. Apparently, I’m not the only one as Angel claps, cheering at my success whilst Irina smiles in approval.
“You’re like a new woman!” Angel jests in enthusiastic playfulness. “So how have you and Dimitri been?”
I’m utterly confused as to why she is asking me about her Alpha, especially in such loose terms but I decide not to question it. I don’t really know what she expects me to say; I know that Dimitri has been rather tight lipped about my situation, it is a need to know basis.
Irina, seeing my confusion, chips in: “You know, have you mated yet? Or has he marked you?”
I shake my head in dismissal. Why are they expecting him to claim me? And what do they mean by if he’s ‘marked’ me? I don’t ever remember being told about such a thing, but then again seeing and being around Dimitri’s pack has made me realise that I haven’t been taught a lot of things- things that other people think of as normal.
“But you’re mates...It’s quite unusual that you haven’t been mated yet or introduced to the pack for that matter.” Angel seems particularly perturbed by the fact that Dimitri hasn’t introduced me to the pack formally, but she knows that it isn’t her place to say anything.
“Mates?” I ask. Dimitri has often called me as such and has introduced me to others with that word. I don’t really understand what it really meant, but I know that other people seem to be happy by the notion.
“You never learned about mates?!” Irina asks in genuine surprise. “It’s one of the things that form the very centre of our lives, I can’t...”
She suddenly stops as if hurt somehow by the notion of not having a mate; tears actually gather in her eyes, threatening to fall. She looks away from me knowing that I don’t want or need her pity; especially after the other incident.
“A mate is our soulmate. There are certain people that you meet in life that you are destined to be a part of your life, some of them you have an otherworldly connection to... It’s hard to put into words.” She pauses as if looking for a word to explain what she meant.
“Like there’s an invisible thread pulling you to them?” I ask, thinking about the way that I find myself continuously drawn to Dimitri in a way that I can’t quite explain.
“Yes, that’s one way to put it I guess.” Angel sighs, though she doesn’t seem satisfied. I guess some things are just too big to be confined into words; nothing said would ever be able to really explain what is truly meant. There is just so much more, and it’s simply ineffable.
“Alright, how do I stop it.” I grunt seriously.
Both of them look at me in unrestrained alarm, their auras brightening with their surprise. I have to push down that part of me and focus on them so I don’t get a headache from the intensity. Is it really so surprising that I don’t want this mate thing?
“Why would you want to stop it?” Irina asks with furrowed eyebrows. “Mates are made to challenge and make you better versions of yourself, they bring out the hidden parts of you and make you the person you wish you would be. They are rare and wonderful things gifted to us by the Goddess.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes, turning my attention to Angel to see if she would give me a more favourable answer.
“Nobody has ever tried to reject the notion of a mate, in fact I don’t even think you can. Ignoring your bond with Dimitri is futile and will only end up hurting you both.” Angel tells me softly, I could hear the sincerity in her tone.
Listening to all they have to say definitely clears up a lot for me; the strange things that I keep feeling for Dimitri and even his own reactions to me. He has never outright said anything to me about it, almost as if it’s an unspoken agreement that we would simply fall together somehow. I could roll my eyes at his assumptive behaviour.
I pity him for being stuck with me as his soulmate. I’m not capable of love, and there is no way in hell that I would ever become like any of the women in his pack. Besides, the entire thing is like a joke to me; I don’t believe in the moon goddess, and finding my ‘mate’ isn’t one of my priorities.
The entire Werewolf race is at risk of extinction and if I can’t find a way to stop Aleksandr then it will be more than just ‘love’ at risk of destruction.
I need to think about my duty, of what needs to be done. Regardless of the way I feel, or even want to feel. It’s like a battle raging inside of me, I now know exactly what the girls mean. More terrifyingly, I could feel that Angel might be right; I’m growing more attached even when I try to hold back.
I know that somewhere within me there is a small part of me that wants this. Maybe it’s only that connection to Dimitri that has me thinking this way, but I still have a small hope- desire- that there’s still a chance for me, for us.
It’s practically impossible. I mean there is so much wrong with this entire picture that I can’t begin to even imagine it. We both need to change if this mate ‘thing’ is supposedly going to work; if I believed in the moon goddess then I would say it would take her blessing and a miracle to fix us.
He should have been paired with someone who could actually give him what he needs as his mate. Because that person isn’t me.
But is it really so bad that maybe a fraction of me longs for that connection, if it means that I might be somewhat human again?
I was tired of the luncheon after a couple hours. I wanted to leave, bored with listening to the endless chatter of the other women. It seemed as though I was the only one who seemed agitated, the others just continued laughing, eating and gossiping.
I guess when they have nothing else to do, except warm their husbands’ beds, it’s a fun day for them.
Trouble breaks out when a bitch by the name of Alana decides to play the role of the Alpha female. The other bitches watch in surprise as her gaze turns on me with a cold ferocity in a futile attempt to be intimidating.
“Who are you, and why are you constantly around Alpha Dimitri?!” She shrieks, the shrill sound of her voice sending a sharp pain through my sensitive ears. I almost laugh at her ‘interrogation’, but the stares of the other curious bitches tell me that she is just saying what everyone else has been thinking.
“Your Alpha and I have an agreement.” I answer vaguely. I would have completely ignored her but judging by the vein on her forehead she isn’t going to tolerate any ‘insolence’ from me. It’s somewhat hilarious to me that she thinks that she can claim both Dimitri and a title that she has no entitlement to.
She gets closer, leaning down into my face. The smell of her peach scented perfume invades my personal space almost choking me with its intensity. She is beginning to grate on my nerves, but I don’t exactly want to bloody my hands, then I definitely won’t be accepted into the pack-ever.
“Are you sleeping with him?” She continues. “Because I’ll have you know, he is mine and I won’t tolerate anyone who tries to take what is mine.”
Another close look at her face makes me realise, she was the bitch in Dimitri’s office, the day that I had first met him. He was probably fucking her, or perhaps they were supposed to mate. I suppose she thinks that gives her some kind of status around the pack; the bitch has a serious superiority complex.
The mere notion is strange to me, sex is sex, there is no benefit besides a good release. Perhaps this world really is radically different to my life in Shadow Fang after all.
It irks me to listen to her words. My previous conversation about mates with Irina and Angel coming back to me, makes me realise that my intense dislike stemmed from the small connection I’ve built with Dimitri. It feels like an uncomfortable pressure on my chest, a kind of hurt or sadness that’s underlined with a small burning flame of anger.
Envy.
The feeling encompasses me, drowning me- it’s not a feeling that I enjoy, or want to feel again. Regardless, I don’t let it show. I want to tell her that she is wrong, that he’s mine and that I am above her, but that would mean accepting our bond. I’m not entirely sure if that’s what I want, but I’m not sure that I don’t want it either.
I don’t have an opportunity to answer because Alana’s joke of an interrogation is cut short.
“The Alpha is not yours to claim.” Angel berates her harshly. “Your mating was arranged as insurance in case he did not find his mate.”
Alana huffs, her ears turning red from being undermined. “Well seeing as he hasn’t declared that he’s found his ‘other-half’, I’d say he’s as good as mine.”
“I wouldn’t be so hasty if I were you.” Irina speaks up from beside Angel. “You don’t have any of the qualities of a good leader, insurance or not, Alpha Dimitri doesn’t have to claim you.”
Alana looks at her with rage burning within her. For a moment I have a small feeling in my gut, as if I need to stop Alana from going for Irina- to protect her. Though I quickly push it away and quickly rationalize the feeling as annoyance at the two bitches interrupting. I tell myself that I don’t need anyone fighting my battles for me, which isn’t a lie at all.
The bitch in question leans forward invading my space uncomfortably making me stand abruptly. I don’t appreciate the lack of respect that this bitch is showing, my internal beasts craves dominance, urging me to put her in her place.
A growl emanates from my throat as she opens her mouth to speak again; I have to reign myself in slightly as I feel her trying to claw her way to the surface. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm myself before I lose control.
Alana takes a step back as I step forward. “I find it strange that bitches that are worth nothing feel entitled enough to disrespect their superiors. You are not Alpha female and therefore are being treasonous; where I come from that’s grounds for whipping.”
Alana gulps, before bowing to the two bitches by my side: “I apologise Beta Female, Gamma Female.”
She walks away, and I can hear the whispers of some of the other pack bitches. I guess I may have gone overboard and said too much, although I can’t deny that it’s worth it for the satisfaction of putting Alana in her place.
Angel and Irina are so proud of my outburst and they continue to gush. I don’t completely understand it all, but I go along with it anyway. After the luncheon we go back to the pack house together where they eagerly jump into the arms of their waiting mates.
I give Dimitri a brief nod, the edges of my lips curling uncomfortably at seeing him again. Of course, Angel and Irina notice and immediately their gushing starts all over again. They have been paying attention to me a lot and being kind, as much as I wish that it annoyed me, I secretly found it really endearing and...nice.
They begin to tell all that happened over lunch, earning me a few surprised glances from the males. Alpha Dimitri especially looks at me with a new look in his eyes, almost as though he has a glimmer of pride.
Somewhere inside of me, the small bud of hope blossoms a little bit more. Hope for what, I don’t want to let myself think about it.
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