Dimitri leads me to his office. It’s a large room with a vintage finish; the floor is a wooden brown matching the oak tables all polished to perfection. At the far end of the room is a large mahogany desk with a matching wooden desk seat. Large panel windows lay behind them both overlooking the back of the pack house.
The walls of the office are lined with shelves, packed with books, there’s even a spiral staircase leading to a second floor which I assume has even more bookshelves. In front of the table is a light grey sofa and a smaller coffee table. There are a few more chairs dotted around the room, all fitting with the style and colour scheme of the room.
Dimitri invites me to sit on the sofa whilst he sits down at his desk, I kindly decline. He watches me as I walk around the room observing the spines of the books, appreciating the organized design.
“You should be in trouble for your stunt this afternoon, but considering that you’ve neither done anything wrong and managed to impress me I’ll let it go.” Dimitri’s deep baritone shatters the quiet that previously surrounded us. The sound fills the empty space with a softness that I would never expect from someone like him; it sends a new kind of feeling through me, and I’m slightly flattered. “But the last thing I need is for you to start trouble in my pack.”
“Maybe if you treated your pack bitches equal to the males, then it wouldn’t start trouble.” I shrug nonchalantly.
He opens his mouth to argue but doesn’t get the chance as the large brown doors to the office open. In stroll the three large men that seem to follow Dimitri everywhere. The men incline their heads in respect and subservience to their Alpha.
Immediately, whatever softness that Dimitri had been previously showing vanishes, his stoic ‘Alpha’ face replacing it. His muscles clench, shoulders squaring, chest puffing out in a display of his impressively large frame. I can also feel the small waves of Alpha influence rolling off his body steadily.
“Glad that you could finally join us.” He nods to his men in respect to them, though it is more affectionate than anything else.
All their influence pushes into the room in a huge show of dominance, it might’ve been overwhelming if I was anything else. The power being exuded from these men is enough to send any normal wolf staggering to their knees, with a pounding headache. One would assume that I must’ve been intimidated in a room filled with such large men, testosterone and dominance. However, I rather felt quite at home though it is unfamiliar having them doubt me so.
“My mate was upset over something you said to her,” Mikhail accuses after a moment of tense silence.
“I said nothing more than the truth, but if she has a problem with anything I said then she can address it with me herself.” I tell him, not unkindly. The matter of fact tone seems to take him aback a moment, his anger dissipating as he looks at me with a new look on his face.
There is another moment of tense silence, as if the other men are waiting for Dimitri to berate me for my response. I turn to him myself, daring him to say something just so that I can snap right back; like a cobra coiling itself getting ready to strike.
“It hasn’t escaped my notice that you didn’t share the Alpha-female’s name...” Viktor breaks the silence when he realises that Dimitri isn’t going to say anything. His voice trails off as if waiting for Dimitri to give him the answer he’s looking for. It’s more than slightly irksome that he is asking Dimitri, as though he somehow has power over me, instead of asking me directly.
Both Dimitri and Alexei physically tense, in anger and discomfort respectively at Viktor’s fishing. I remember their reactions to hearing my ‘name’ the first time and hardly doubted that they would want to hear it again. Their reaction also makes me slightly insecure; where I have never batted an eyelash before, suddenly I feel as though that tag that I had been given isn’t fit to be deemed a name.
In Shadow Fang we don’t have real names, we have our numbers and that’s it. Sure, we had colloquially given each other nicknames by our reputation, and some had even picked new names, but we don’t dare use them in front of Aleksandr.
The room is silent as Viktor waits for someone to answer, the tension is thick in the air and getting thicker by the minute; it’s beginning to get suffocating and it’s actually starting to become uncomfortable- something I thought that I was incapable of feeling.
“I don’t know my name. You’re all going to help me find it.” My voice fills the empty silence, clear with undeniable authority. There’s a certain harshness to it but that isn’t something that would change- I’m neither soft nor feminine and my qualities reflect that.
“We need somewhere to start.” Alexei prompted me, “We don’t know what we’re looking for.”
I pause. What do I know that could be helpful in finding out about my past? There are so many gaps in my memory that trying to find something feels impossible; I’m practically searching for a needle in multiple haystacks without even being certain that there’s a needle to be found.
I need to be sure of what I tell them, otherwise we might just end up wasting time. If there is one thing I hate, and can’t afford to do, is waste time. I don’t know how much time I have here, for all I know, Aleksandr is already on a rampage for my head.
“When I was eight years old, I don’t know what happened, I just remember waking up in Shadow Fang.” I mutter quietly, I know they can still hear me courtesy of their enhanced hearing. Being a part of that pack, I know for a fact that they don’t exactly recruit new members in an ethical manner. “That would’ve been almost sixteen years ago.”
“So, what are we looking for?” Mikhail asks, somewhat confused by my muttering.
“All packs that were attacked or had kidnappings sixteen years ago.” I order.
They look toward Dimitri for approval, my jaw twitching in annoyance, but I hide my annoyance. After this morning it is clear where I stand in this pack because I am a woman. It is so strange how in some ways this pack is more backward than Shadow Fang. The Alpha in question nods in approval before giving orders.
“Viktor and Mikhail, go down to archives and see what you can find. Alexei the pack elders may know something, talk to them and find out what they can offer.” The three men nod in affirmation before bowing and leaving to follow their orders.
Once the door shuts behind Alexei, I turn back to Dimitri. “What are we going to do?”
“Well I could call some of the other Alphas and see what they know but first I think it would be more valuable to know more about you.”
A brief silence descends over us as I decide my answer carefully.
“There’s nothing for me to tell, I don’t remember any of my life before Shadow Fang.”
Dimitri leans forward in his chair as he continues to stare at me. He looks like a predator surveying his prey, sizing me up- daring me to give him an answer that he doesn’t like.
His large muscles flex as he moves, putting his elbows on his desk, I’m almost instantly drawn to the compelling sight; something within me roaring with approval at this man’s frame. I lick my lips as I think back to what he looks like with his shirt off, sending my mind spiralling my body reacting to the thoughts pumping through my mind.
He interlocks his fingers, putting his chin on top of them as he eyes me with predatory interest. I’ve seen it time and time again being used as a tactic of intimidation. He wants me to know that he has the power, a fact that I already know. However, I’m not intimidated by him in the slightest, and from the looks of it he knows.
In fact, he seems to like the fact.
“Well then tell me about your life in Shadow Fang.” He looks me directly in the eyes. He’s trying to back me into a metaphorical corner, and he’s revelling in my entrapment. He wants answers and he won’t let me run away this time. This is no longer just about finding my name, this is curiosity about me, and I have no way to escape his microscope.
“I lived there for the most part of my life, but it was no home.” I grunt, I don’t look away from his gaze. “Every day was filled with training, from the moment of waking ’til we were permitted to stop.”
He continues to look intently at me as if urging me to continue.
“There isn’t much else. Luxuries were few and were rarely given. Only higher ups within the pack were entitled to such rewards and they usually came with a price.” I could think of the countless heartless actions I have carried out to prove my allegiance- to survive.
“Like what?” He presses further.
“Let’s just say that Aleksandr has a habit of having others carry out his dirty work.” I answer vaguely. I need him to trust me and if he knew about the things I’ve done, he would never be able to trust me. He wouldn’t understand.
A silence falls over us once more. Dimitri sighs heavily, seemingly disappointed, before he reaches for the phone on his desk. Like everything else it matches the room, in colour and style. I for one, doubt that an Alpha Dimitri is responsible for the regimented coordination and style of the room.
“Who are you going to call?” I ask curiously.
“Well I might as well call all the Alpha’s in Innonia since you have so little to offer.” He grunts in frustration as he shuffles some papers around. I huff at his dig, but it isn’t my fault that my memories have been taken away. “Right, I’ll start by calling Alpha Sean of the Evening Howlers pack.”
I had been sitting around for almost two hours. Dimitri had made several other phone calls to all the Alpha’s that he had positive relations with in Innonia. He had found out very little information considering most Alphas tend to stay out of other pack’s affairs.
It’s no wonder Aleksandr thinks these packs are weak, they are only ever focused on their own problems. If these are the people that are responsible for saving Innonia from Aleksandr’s destruction, then this will be very difficult.
Dimitri is starting to get frustrated by this point, huffing, grunting and growling. He isn’t exactly the most patient man. In fact, I’m almost sure that he’s going to start throwing things when Alexei comes back into the room.
“You better have something.” Dimitri grunts without even looking up.
“Well, the elders knew that there were several packs that had been wiped out around 16 years ago, but they couldn’t tell me which.” Alexei answers. “They did assure me that the archive would have the details.”
Dimitri sighs in disappointment, he basically just relayed information that we already know. I’m just surprised that he hasn’t strangled anyone yet, but judging by his face he wants to. Like, really wants to.
“Where is Mikhail and Viktor?” Dimitri rubs his forehead in annoyance, his anger beginning to get the better of him. Frankly I don’t blame him, it is exactly how I’ve felt for my entire life trying to find answers in the dark. “I want them here in the next two fucking minutes.”
“Yes sir.” Alexei nods before his eyes cloud over, using his telepathic connection to reach them. Once the vacant look leaves his eyes, he speaks: “They’ll be here in a minute.”
True to his word, both Mikhail and Viktor enter the room within a minute. In their arms they both carry several files of differing sizes.
“Alpha.” They both nod their submission. I want to laugh at their pussyfooting, but I’m much too intrigued by the information they have found. Besides, Dimitri probably won’t be too amused by my behaviour, especially after my insolent behaviour earlier on.
Dimitri acknowledges their formality, and urges them with a silent look to keep speaking.
“Well, it was difficult to go back 16 years, I’ll tell you that much.” Viktor huffs in annoyance before setting down the folders on the desk. He opens the top one- a brown, thin thing- before reading off one of the papers inside.
“In total there were 15 wolves recorded as kidnapped, or just missing in general. Considering our nature, that in itself is strange.” Viktor relays; his annoyed expression now replaced with a serious one as he reports to his Alpha.
“There were also 4 packs that were completely wiped out within a 3-year span around that time.” Mikhail reports. “They are now deemed as no man’s land, there are no records of the land being seized by any neighbouring packs.”
“So where do we start?” I ask. They seem to have a lot of information but nothing to do with it.
“We will start with the missing wolves, they will be easier to eliminate.” Dimitri decides. He turns to me, the harsh glint in his eyes softening imperceptibly. His fingers hook in a ‘come here’ motion, beckoning me over to his desk.
Together we go through the short list of missing wolves, first eliminating all the males leaving us with 9 potentials. The first three are too tall, the next four are far too young, and the last two include pictures of dark-skinned girls that obviously aren’t me.
All that remains is the now non-existent packs. Suddenly I have a feeling of deflation, any microscopic shred of hope crumbling as my stomach feels like a pit has opened up inside of it. It’s a moment of realisation as the truth hit me at full force. I have no home now. Shadow Fang destroyed my real pack.
The gravity of the realization must’ve hit everyone else in the room too; a thick melancholy air surrounds us heavily. Dimitri put his hand on my back gently, startling me slightly, whilst looking at me with soft eyes. Though the comfort is unwarranted, I can’t deny that it makes me feel a little bit better so I decide to accept it.
“If any of them sound familiar, let us know.” He instructs me, still rubbing my back soothingly before turning to Mikhail: “Which packs were destroyed?”
Mikhail needed no further ushering before speaking. He seemingly learnt the information as he doesn’t have any prompts, recalling the information solely from memory. “The Moonstone Prowlers, Dawn Stalkers, Mountain Valley and Dark Tooth packs”
They all turn to me expectantly, but I don’t feel any sense of familiarity to any of the names that had been called. Have I really been so desensitized that I can’t even recognize my true pack?
I shake my head, which triggers both disappointment and anger in the eyes of the men before me.
“Can you tell us anything at all about your previous pack.” Dimitri urges, “Anything. Was it cold or hot, how big it was. Anything could be useful.”
I close my eyes, sifting through the memories but I only come across a large wall that separates me from my suppressed past. I try to get through, to find anything that would help- there’s a growing desperation within myself as my chance at finding my past slowly slips through my hands. The effort brought forth a huge headache that has me keeling under its weight.
I groan which quickly turns into a growl as I try to push through. My mouth opens in a silent scream as the pain intensifies unbearably. There is someone at my side, guiding me to sit down on a chair. Soft soothing tingles spread through my back and arms as the person rubs gently.
The room is silent, and upon opening my eyes I realise that the others have left Dimitri and I alone together. No wonder, an Alpha would never display such weakness in front of his pack members.
“Don’t push yourself so hard, you’re going to hurt yourself.” Dimitri murmurs, pulling back a few strands of my short inky hair away from my face, his hand scratching my scalp is soothing and does well to ground me.
“I don’t care! I have to know! I can’t miss my chance to find out who I am!” I barely notice that my voice rises until I’m almost shouting. The frustration is getting unbearable and I can’t hold it back anymore. It’s the first time I have let myself reveal how vulnerable I truly feel.
As much as I hate to admit it, there is something about Dimitri that brings my walls down. It’s weird, but I can’t seem to help myself especially when it feels right to do so, like Dimitri is not only capable but meant to comfort me. His hands coast down my arms repetitively soothing my frustration and upset.
“I said I would help you find out who you are, and I promise I will” He strokes my head, running his hands through my short hair in a soothing manner. “You aren’t going to miss your chance.”
We sit in silence for a while and Dimitri gives me the files on the fallen packs. I go through them once again as best as I can, paying attention to every detail in the reports. He has to help me several times considering I can’t read as well as I can speak- after all Shadow Fang hadn’t exactly cared for our intellectual development with much dedication.
“If we don’t find anything today, I may have an alternative idea but I’m hoping it doesn’t come to it.” Dimitri says from his place behind his desk without looking up from his strange screen; he suspects that some of the other packs may have other information in their archives that could help. He is writing some kind of electronic letter for the other Alpha’s to ask for their knowledge, I don’t understand completely but I hope his magic screen will prove to be helpful.
I wonder what this alternative course of action is, and why he’s so reluctant to pursue it.
“It’s getting late, dinner will be served in half an hour, I think maybe we should call it a day. We’ll pick up where we left off tomorrow.”
My knee jerk reaction is to say no, but I just ignore him. My chest beating wildly, as the disappointment fills my veins, it’s strong enough that it’s leaking out of my pores filling the room with its horrible smell.
I take one more glance at the report in my hand, eyes glancing over some of the words carefully. It is a quick glimpse but one of the words seems familiar somehow. I keep reading with eager eyes; once they find out the names of the Alpha and Beta of one of the fallen packs, I feel more of a hunch as to where I really come from.
“I think I’m from the Dawn Stalkers pack,” I spring up suddenly, holding the sheet on the aforementioned pack in my hand. It’s enough to catch Dimitri’s attention, any thought of getting ready for dinner momentarily silenced.
“The Alpha was Kyoji Matsuto, Beta was a Hajime Kaito.” Dimitri looks over the information then to me: “Well all packs differ in characteristics and you certainly fit the profile of a Dawn Stalker.”
He hums silently to himself whilst I come over to sit on the edge of his desk watching him carefully as he looks over some maps.
“I’ll arrange a visit to where your old pack was. I’ll have to make a couple calls and brief the men so I anticipate we should be ready to leave in 3 days.”
In that moment hope soars in my chest, I’m finally going to find the one thing that I’ve been trying to remember for so long. Even if I’m not a Dawn Stalker, there are only three other possibilities and I will continue to search until I find what I’m looking for.
I have a good feeling about this. Emotions have surrounded me since I left Shadow Fang and most of time, I ignored them but something inside me told me to embrace this feeling. This is it.
I’m finally going home.
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