I sit motionless, waiting for Dustin to gape at me, or yell because I’ve been posing as Jera this whole time. But instead, he nods. “I get it. I have a lot of money tied into my name as well. Money I can’t access. It’s okay. I can help you with finances if you’d like.”
Frustration swells in me. He’s not getting it. Do I need to spell it out for him? But he keeps speaking, so I can’t.
“I seem to attract women with money issues, but the funny thing is, I don’t care about the money.”
I hesitate, unsure what to say to that. “You don’t?”
“No. It’s the lies. For some reason, I’ve dated a lot of women who lie and try to use me. I told you about the last one. She lied so much I don’t even think I really knew who she was.”
I stare out at the ocean as his car hugs the shore, my heart hammering in my chest. “That’s awful,” I say, feeling horrible.
“Trust is everything in a relationship, don’t you think?” He glances at me as he drives.
Shame and guilt descend on me, and I shift in my seat, but I can’t find a comfortable position. “I agree,” I say, because he’s waiting for me to say something. I’m scum, and I know I can’t finish what I started. I can’t tell him I’m not Jera.
The conversation between us turns stiff, and I stare off into the distance. I don’t know what I need to do. A moment ago I was ready to tell him the truth. Now, I can’t even speak. If I tell him, will he be furious with me?
The thought occurs to me that we can’t really be together anyway. My life is in Denver. He lives the Hollywood life. Glamor, glitz and all that. I couldn’t live that life. I’m only here for a few more days. This depresses me more than it should.
Dustin starts the car up the side of a mountain, and the views are breathtaking. He tosses his cell at me. “You can take some pictures with my phone if you want.”
I’m a horrible person for lying to him, but I do want the photos, so I hold up his phone and take some. As we near the top of the mountain Dustin pulls into a lookout spot. “Do you want to get out?”
“Of course.” I jump out of the car and walk to the railing where the views are spectacular. I take a zillion photos as Dustin stands beside me.
The light breeze carries a chill from the water and I shiver. Dustin steps behind me and puts his arms around me. “You cold?”
“Mmm,” I say, liking the contact. I know I can’t have a real relationship with him, but for now, I’ll take what I have. I snuggle into him and try to forget all the guilt from what I’m doing.
We stand on the edge of beauty for what feels like forever, but I’m sure is only a few moments. I rest my hands on his arms, tight around my middle. He leans down until his cheek nestles against my own. “Are you doing okay?” he asks softly.
“I’m better,” I say, a warm connection between us. Dustin makes everything better.
“I know I mentioned this before, but I do think you’d benefit from seeing someone about your anxiety. There’s no shame in it, Jera.”
The way his voice carries concern for me touches me in way I find hard to describe. I turn to look at him. He pulls me close, and I feel my heart beat against my ribcage.
I reach up and slip his sunglasses off. His bright blue eyes see into my soul. The urge to open up to him surges in me. “I know it sounds stupid, but I’m kind of afraid to go see someone about it.”
I’ve never told anyone this, and I’m suddenly all weird and exposed. He nods at me. “I felt the same way. Do you know how embarrassing it was for me to admit that I struggled with depression? Especially when the world watches my every move and deems me successful in everything? I had money, a lucrative career, everything I could want, and still I suffered from depression.”
I hadn’t thought about it before, but Dustin is right. There’s a stigma against rich and accomplished people with mental illness. There shouldn’t be, but there is.
He lowers his gaze. “I was in bad shape when I finally went for help. I should have gone in much sooner.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
He presses his lips to my forehead, then leans down to look at me. His gaze holds sadness. “I just don’t want you to go through the same pain I did.”
My throat swells shut. I know he’s coming from a place of concern, and it touches me. My anxiety has affected me more than I want to admit. I’ve been dealing with it as best as I can, but Dustin is right. I’m making major life choices based on my anxiety, and that isn’t good. If going to see someone would help, I should do it.
“All right,” I say, my voice cracking. I didn’t realize I would get so emotional admitting I need help. “I’ll go talk to someone.”
Dustin pulls me to his chest in a hug. “You’ll benefit from it. I know you will.”
I reach up and brush a lock of his hair off his forehead. I’m so touched that this man would care enough about me to bring up a difficult subject like this. I struggle with my emotions. “Thank you for caring,” I say, my heart pounding.
His gaze softens. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve started caring quite a bit about you.” He brushes his knuckles across my cheek. I don’t quite know what to say to him, but I love his touch, so I lean into it.
“You are amazing,” he says, his voice so low I can barely hear him.
I’m so touched by him. I want this moment to last. I press my lips to his. He responds, capturing my lips and pulling me closer.
His kiss feels like sunshine on a cool morning, and I bask in its warmth. The world around us melts away, and I’m left with Dustin, the two of us alone. I deepen the kiss, enveloped in a sense of comfort and security. I trust this man.
I don’t know what is going to happen in the future. All I know is I need Dustin right now, and I’m going to do everything I can to hold on to him.
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