The Admiral
Barriers

Arden Lexington

Well, this is just fucking great. I woke up today having decided I would be open to the idea of change, but it seems the world wants to expedite the process and dive right in.

I take a deep breath as I march through the market rather aimlessly. I had been back to Bridgetown over the years many times since the incident, and always somehow managed to successfully avoid any run-ins with anyone from my past. The incident was my parents’ death, or rather, witnessing my mother’s death.

The way her face froze as the blade penetrated her spine haunts my dreams. She protected me with the only shield she had at the time; her own body. It wasn’t enough to stop the whole blade, but it was enough to prevent me from dying.

How am I supposed to move past this? It’s one of the main reasons I can’t even brush my own hair, I see her face every day when I see my own reflection.

How am I supposed to let a man get close enough to touch me? It’s not as if I haven’t tried. Any time they see or touch the horrendous scar on my abdomen all I want to do is run away or stab something. It’s as if all the emotions from that day are stored up in that scar and any time it’s exposed, I turn into a raw, uncontrollable, and unpredictable nerve.

Now I’m supposed to go and have a civil dinner with my grandmother, a woman who I hardly know, and potentially tell her the details of how her daughter died...?

I’ve never told anyone the finer details. Phillip Morris, my predecessor as Admiral was the one who found me, he’s the one who removed the sword from my mother’s back, and from my belly, he’s the only one who truly knows everything.

I wonder if I could even get the words out. I could try practicing on Charlotte, but I don’t think she’d be able to keep certain details to herself.

Giddeon has always been a reliable ear but after that kiss, I don’t think it would be wise. Debang? He’s always full of soulful sage advice.

I stop and turn around to find only James following me. He walks with his hands in his pockets with his brows furrowed, looking mighty perplexed and a little dangerous.

“Where did the others go?” I ask.

James points over his shoulder with his thumb, “They went back on board when we passed the docks.”

“Oh, right,” I watch James as his face softens.

“Did you want to go back?” Do I want to go back? The words ring deeper than what James meant. I look away lost in my own mind, stuck in a loop of thoughts with no way out. I feel the weight of James’s hand on my shoulder. Only when I look up at his stormy eyes does my mind go silent. I can’t help but smirk. Maybe I should just keep James around to keep all the thoughts away.

My body moves on its own and I’m suddenly leaning my forehead on James’s chest. His hands press into my lower back and he pulls me close.

“You have family here,” I feel his hand move slowly up and down my back.

I nod into his chest, “I grew up here, for a time.”

“How long has it been since you’ve seen any of them?” The line of questions will ultimately lead to the incident. I look up at James as the memories come surfacing.

I scan his grey eyes and I’m enveloped in a sense of calm that doesn’t make me think twice, “I left for England when I was eleven. I left everything and everyone behind...” James gently moves some loose hair from my face, his fingers lingering on my face. The way his eyes seem to drink me in sends shivers across my skin. “James?”

“Yes, my darling.”

“I’m not your-” James puts his hand over my mouth and pulls me in closer.

“Arden, my darling, the sooner you accept that I care for you and that I’m not leaving you, the easier it will be for both of us to move into the next phase of our relationship.” I feel my brows raise. “A simple nod will suffice.” James nods almost to show me how it's done.

I smile under his hand and nod, resigning myself to James and his playful yet dominating demeanor. James lifts his hand and looks at me as if expecting me to send a jab his way. I’d hate to disappoint him. “Just what exactly do you think the next step of our relationship is going to be, James?”

James smiles, “Well, if I have my way there’ll be a lot more kissing, but if I have to duel you every time I want to get a kiss out of you I might not be around for very long.”

I laugh, “Is this how you do it?” sᴇaʀᴄh thᴇ Find_Nøvel.ɴet website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“Do what?” James pulls me in even closer if that was at all even possible.

“Wrangle women into your life.”

James narrows his eyes at me, “What women Arden? There’s never been room for anyone but you.”

I feel myself almost wanting to pull away from him. That’s not possible, the man’s a walking God amongst men. “I don’t believe you.”

A smirk plays on James’s lips, “Are you jealous at the idea of me with other women, Arden?”

“Yes. Don’t play games with me, James, I’m not strong or clever enough for games like these.”

James brushes his thumb across my lips and lets out a long deep breath, “I heard what you said to Giddeon, after he kissed you.”

“What did you hear?” I feel my face burn red and look away, but James just holds my chin and guides me to look up at him.

“All of it. Arden, you were the first and only girl I ever kissed. You seared your name on my very soul with that kiss, there’s been no one, truly. It does concern me in the sense I may not please you as well as an experienced lover might, but after a few days of fumbling about in bed I’m sure we’ll get the hang of it.”

James sets my whole being on fire with his words. Not just my body, but the idea of spending days on end with him in bed scares and excites me at the same time. He’s so close it’s impossible for me to not kiss him. I push myself up on my toes and crash my lips onto his.

I don’t care how hard it’s going to be; I want this man. I’ve wanted him for so long and here he is offering my every desire with no terms or conditions.

The only hurdles will be the ones I place before myself.

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