The Reborn
Failure

Okay. I’ll use purple.

But that part should be white.

Well I don’t fucking have a white crayon and I can’t let a blank space! I’ll use purple.

But it should be fucking white!

And I don’t have white so suck an onion while I use this purple.

BUT IT SHOULD BE WHITE.

AND I DON’T HAVE WHITE SO FUCK OFF.

FINE. BUT WHY PURPLE AND NOT FUCKING BLACK.

Because I already used black dump ass! And purple is often associated with nobility, royalty and wisdom. So it’s perfect for what I have to do.

That makes very much sense, but I still think that you should use white.

I groaned and rubbed my face. God, I’m so annoying sometimes.

Blast gave me the task to make our emblem more modern and colorful since the current one is 100 years old and a little too monotone. He somehow found out that I like drawing, so he thought that this task is the best distraction for me. And he was right. I love to draw even if sometimes even I cringe when I saw how bad my drawing looks. This is the fifth emblem I make and I like it so far. The last one is somewhere under the hospital bed.

It’s been 2 weeks since my big failure and I’m still stuck in the hospital. I was out for 1 week due to a concussion and I had to stay another week because the doctor wanted to keep an eye on my back. The lower part of my back has big scar made of a sphere of fire, while on my right side, right between on 2 of my ribs I have a bullet scar. That fucking bullet went so deep that it reached my lungs and I had to wear the oxygen mask until yesterday, just to be sure that I’ll be fine.

I had no visitors since doc interdict them to come here and I was thankful. Sometimes I need some time for myself to put my thoughts in order. They couldn’t visit me because I need rest and relaxation while them would stress me out and tease me to hell, and I would react very violent since I the last time I took my pills was 2 weeks ago. I couldn’t took them because I already have a stupid needle in me that keeps pumping medications in me and I could have an adverse reactions if I took my normal pills too.

“Hello, kiddo. How are you feeling today? Still grumpy?” Doc Snow asked with his usual happy tone.

“How good could I feel since I have needles stuck in me when I have Trypanophobia.” I said a little annoyed.

He gave me a sad smile and patted my head. “I know that you’re afraid of needles, but you have to man up. Or girl up. Or woman up. Anyway, get over it because you need those needles.”

I sighed in defeat and pouted, while trying to draw a stupid lion but it’s a little hard since the notepad is on my knees. “But for how long of have to co-op with them?”

The anxiety was growing in me as I was staring at the needle placed in the vein from my back hand. A shiver run down my spine and I moved my gaze.

“Since you were suck a good girl and you didn’t ripped your needles off.....You can leave tonight. If-” he added as I already started to cheer making me to groan.

Of there is an ‘If’.

“If you will take good care of you and your injury. That burn isn’t fully healed and you need to be careful. Clean it every day when you wake up and before you go to sleep with medical alcohol and then put this cream on. And don’t wear tight shirts because it will hurt like a bitch.”

I looked at him with a bored look. “Are you done?”

He looked on deep thought. “Nope. Also take this vitamins and take your usual pills. And no junkies until the injury is gone. Only vegetables and health food. Carrots are the best for what kind of wound you have so eat lots of them. Now I’m done.”

I looked at him debating what to do. Yell at him that he gave me a headache or just nod because he can keep you here another week.

I nodded my head like the good girl I am. “Got it.”

“You can leave after 6 and don’t forget here anything. Some people from this hospital are kleptomans.”

A chuckle passed my lips as doc left with a smile. It’s already 4 o’clock and I can leave after 6.

The drawing was almost done. I made the contour with a pencil and all I have left to do is color it, which in my opinion is the hardest task about making any kind of drawing. It’s about choosing the right color and trying not to cross the lines already made.

I sighed and placed all my crayons, markers and notepad on the little table beside me. I yawned and snuggled in the blanket.

A short nap wouldn’t hurt. Only 2 hours....

I rubbed my eyes to get rid of the blur and squeezed them to see what time is it. Outside it was already dark and I sighed when I saw 9 PM.

I lazily got up from the horrible bed with a too hard mattress and I gathered my things in my little zebra bag. After I checked if I had everything, I slide my running shoes on and I’m out.

I shivered as the cold air hit my dressed in pink pyjama body.

Stupid friends. They brought me a bag, but none of them thought about bringing a pair of pants and a shirt.

After 15 freezing minutes, I walked inside my home.

Home. After spending 2 years here, I finally accepted this place as my home. I’m not 100% comfortable here, since some people aren’t my biggest fans, especially some Elementars. They know that I’m half dark and they think that I’m a disgrace. I’m impure. They look at me in disgust just because I’m different and they think that I’m going to kill them right there if they would push my buttons.

I wouldn’t do that. I would hit them, but I would not kill them. There are too many consequences and they don’t deserve so many troubles. I got used to ignoring them. I block them out and when the whispers start, my ears automatically close themselves. This is how I get to every day. I ignore them.

Call me an ignorant, but that’s the only way I can get through a day without something I would probably regret later just because I’ll get scold by Blast.

I threw my bag on the sofa and headed for the kitchen where I’ll make a cup of hot and delicious cappuccino.

The lights were on in the kitchen and I stopped in front of the door as I hear voices.

What can I say. I like eavesdropping. You find out lots of thinks ‘by accident’.

“So you are still insisting on her?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you must be stupid or something. She clearly hates you and pushes you away. Why are you still trying a move on her?”

I leaned on the wall next to the door because this conversation between Sirius and Black is very interesting since is about me. Come on, you don’t have to be a genius to figure out that they’re talking about me. I’m not some stupid character in a book. This is real life.

Lately, since he came here, Black has been a pain in my ass and it’s passing me off. Everywhere I go he is there behind me like he is my shadow telling me how I shouldn’t do that. And I hate it. At first it was cute, but now I feel suffocated and annoyed. He thinks that we’re fine, the best buddies, but he’s wrong. I still hate him for what he did.

“Do you like her that much?” he insisted when Black remains silent.

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My eyebrow jumped up forming a perfect arch.

“Then?”

“She keeps turning me down. I’m taking it as a challenge and I feel bad for her. Yeah, I liked her a lot, but it’s been 2 years and I thought she died, so I kind of moved on.”

“You should stop this bullshit. You’re playing with fire. She changed in a very bad way. She will kill you if she will find out.”

Damn right she will. She will beat the crap out of him right now.

My fist were clenched as my teeth were.

“She won’t find out. And she’s too stupid to figure it out. The proof is the failure we called mission 2 weeks ago.”

This one hurt a little because I know what a big failure it was and I know how it was only my fault.

You do a mistake once and suddenly everyone forgets every good thing you did.

I was leaning against the wall with my arms crossed when the kitchen’s door opened. When it was closed once again, the boys could finally see me.

Sirius looked surprised then a smirked that said ‘You know what to do’ appeared on his face.

Black on the other hand was pale as fuck and froze in his spot.

“I-I can explain.” he mumbled in a lame attempt to save his ass, but nothing will save him from my rage.

“Explain what? I completely understand, but let me tell you something. I don’t fucking need your pity. And I’m not stupid. I never forgave you and I would never have. Since you came you only started to annoy me, nothing more. I would never come back to you, a piece of shit that can’t make the difference between a normal mistake and a mistake made because of stupidity. You say that I’m stupid because I failed a mission and I say that you are stupid because you failed a person. You failed me and you failed yourself. I never thought that you would be such a big douchebag, but apparently you are. Trust me, if you would have been the leader of this team instead of me, all of us would be dead. I’m not the perfect leader, but I’m 10 times better then you. This is the only mission I ever failed, while you only had 3 missions with your team and you got caught on the third one. So don’t call me stupid because at last one know how doesn’t know how the fuck to hide his evidence. Before you see the shit from someone else garden, you should fucking smell you own house because yours stinks of constipated shit.” I barked everything is his face waiting for his reaction.

He was shocked, but still glared at me. “At last I’m not known as a psychotic bitch with anger issues that doesn’t accept failure.”

A dark laugh escaped my lips as my hand wrapped around his neck before he could register.

“I may be everything you said, but at last I’m not a stinking piece of shit that doesn’t know how to be a man or when to shut up. Goodnight.” Wave of shocks went through my hand and he started to shake in my hold.

He thinks that I don’t know how fucked up I am? I know. I know that I screwed up big time our last mission and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I made the biggest and the most stupidest mistake I could ever make: I trusted a dark. But I’m learning from my mistakes and I’ll never repeat this one ever again. I’ll train more, I’ll study more strategies and I’ll be the winner. Me and my team, we will fucking win this war.

The only thing he got right is that I don’t accept failure. I didn’t fail 2 weeks ago. I learnt and this lesson will make me stronger and it will help me to become the person I want to be. And nothing will get my way. Nothing will stop me from my way. No one.

When he stopped moving I let him drop on the floor. “Get him in bed. He will be fine in 3 days or maybe a week or 2. Who knows. At last he is still alive. And he should be thankful.”

I took my bag and went to the kitchen to continue my drawing. I need a distraction before I do something badder then I already did.

So I’ll use black, grey, purple and some gold for the royal symbols. I rubbed my hands together and started with the black color.

A few hours later (Sponge Bob voice)

“Where the fuck is that marker?” I mumbled as I searched the purple marker.

I hate when this happens. Always when I draw, one of my pencils, crayons or markers has to dissappear. I fucking remember that I placed it right above the notepad, but now it’s fucking gone.

“Searching for this?” a hand with the purple marker appeared in front of my face.

I looked at the persons hand and it was Lincoln with a small smile on his face.

“Yeah.” I took the marker from his hand and went back to my business.

Lincoln took a seat next to me and looked at how I was coloring the lions maine.

I bite my lip. I missed my brother. I missed my twiny a lot. We weren’t talking a lot, but we always were there next to each other and it was just enough for me.

“Thanks...twiny.” I smiled a little at him and he grinned back.

“Welcome sis.”

“So, what happened while I was in the hospital?” I asked as I wanted to make conversation.

He happily started to tell me how everyone was slowly starting to get along and there weren’t any incidents.

We both know that I forgive him and I’m fine with it. He didn’t hurt me so bad, yeah he ignored me but they didn’t had any idea that I was leaving and he is my brother and I love him.

I thought about lots of things while I was in the hospital and one of them was that maybe it’s time to forget some things and let go of some things. To much hate has its roots in my heart and it’s time to let some of it go.

It’s time for some changes, I thought as I finished the new emblem of H.I.D.E.

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