YUUKI - To Move Forward: Prelude 1
Chapter 7: A Matter of Perspective

Log #760: Biology

A new creature, most likely a new species of Shade, was encountered three days ago while clearing out the Ismira-Viscor Route. Unlike any other, however, this being displayed a far more developed intelligence. It adapted within seconds to our weapons, retreated when it was sustaining too much damage, and summoned smaller Shade to distract us while it fought from a distance. It somewhat resembled a dragon from human mythology, with four massive black claws connected to the body by muscular, purple-scaled legs. Two arm-like appendages extended from its sides, with opposable claws on each; those were used for grabbing, smashing, and even increasing running speed. The tail ended in a sharp spearhead, and was long enough to swipe across the entire battlefield in a single swing. Two piercing yellow eyes glared out from its skull, and the dimensions of the snout were similar to that of a horse. The most terrifying part of the beast, classified as a Dragiant, were its wings. Two dark purple bat-like wings stretched out from its back, unfurling at a wingspan of over fifty meters! Not even high caliber bullets could pierce the leather skin, and it was a miracle the thing was taken down at all. We have yet to discover a second Dragiant, but its mortality alone makes it unlikely that it belongs in the same ranking as Ptoma Tyrannos.

-General Shura Averin

0010 BPE

I looked down at my hands, curled them into fists, and released a pent up sigh. Grabbing a comb, I began to methodically brush my golden hair, listening only to the sound of the comb sliding through the silky thread. In front of my bed, on a tall cabinet, a picture of him rested.

I wasn’t sure what it was, but something about that boy was so distracting, so detaching. When I gazed at the portrait of the two of us, side by side in a park, I felt so comfortable, even though having others around always managed to unnerve me. He was different, somehow.

I snapped out of my trance, and decided to finally change into some nightwear. It was already eleven at night, and I was still in my combat suit. Despite my getup, it only took a few minutes to change into simple pajamas: a purple silken shirt with blue night pants that stretched past my heels. I placed Mother’s jewel on the cabinet carefully, and plopped onto my bed on my back, overlapping my arms over my head.

Another sigh escaped my lips.

Your pathetic lips.

Whenever I thought of him, I thought about my brother, and what he would’ve thought of what I had become. I didn’t visit the grave very often, mainly because I didn’t have the courage to. Sometimes I thought about doing it, but I always ended up sparring alone in my backyard instead. Father always said I was the best fighter in my age group, since I fought with a passion greater than any other. He was always saying how proud of me he was, or at least whenever he actually spoke to me. Growing up without any friends, I didn’t have any socializing skills, and even my family began to feel distant when I was as young as eight.

You can’t feel bad for yourself; it’s not like you know any other lifestyle.

Closing my eyes, an image of him faded into view, as if to quell my unease. My weary mind gratefully complied. My breathing became shallower, my limbs numbed, and I could sense my mind slipping away into the night: alleyways lit by souls in search of hopes and terrors that either reflected the past or designed the impossible. Wonder, horror, confusion, hate, envy, love, happiness; they were not words in this world, but feelings. Feelings that mangled and fused, creating a scenery both beautiful and awful, depending on the state of mind. That, and whatever was eaten for dinner.

The sun rises, the moon falls, and the dead remain buried. My rejuvenated body rose with the sun, my dreams fell akin to the moon, but my mind remained as foggy as ever. I wiped my eyes, softening both my numbness and my lingering daze. Tilting my head to the side, I logged the time in my brain: 10:00 a.m. Breakfast would not be prepared for me, so I stretched one more time, and slipped out of bed. It was a Saturday morning, so my usual wear was unnecessary. Even so, I don’t approve of wearing nightwear during the day, so I changed into a white informal dress with my baton tucked in a strap on my waist.

Perfect. Always armed.

My blue sneakers provided comfort as well as utility, and the dress was comfortable yet not too long as to hinder movement; an ideal getup for a casual stroll outside. Even on days off, it was always important to be ready for an encounter.

As expected, no one was home when I reached the bottom of the spiral staircase, so I fed myself and went out on a walk. The more distance I covered, the clearer my mind became. And as my mind cleared, I remembered what had happened two days ago, and of that boy’s expression when he confided in me the story of his mother. It was a look that reminded me terribly of Zhihao. He was the one member of my family who had spoken to me daily, reminding me that my home was my home, and not just a place where I was to grow and mature. If he were here today, he would jump out of some bushes without any warning whatsoever, yelling something about him turning twenty-three. Of course, nowadays that never happened, since he didn’t speak to me anymore. After all, the ritual he was forced into was the ultimate form of seclusion. Your body remained with those who wished it to stay, but your mind and memories disappeared.

I miss Zhihao.

There was very little in this world I still cared for. I defended humanity, would throw my life in front of danger for it, but never truly cared for it. People were forgiving, kind, and intelligent, but also stubborn, hateful, and destructive. Even the morality behind working to eradicate Shade to regain land was up to debate. They’re quite similar to us, in a way, in that they used animals and plants for sustenance. The difference was their way of life. They didn’t industrialize, pollute, and blaze forests for their personal gain.

Humans did that for fun, didn’t they?

Many people were unsure if humans were ever on top of the food chain of Chorus, or if Earth was an official name outside of rumors, but our family wasn’t that desperate. We knew the truth, all of it, but it was a truth very few humans were gifted. It was something that simply could not be trusted in the eye of the public, or in the hands of authority. The origins of Shade, the truth of Chorus, even the construction of the Barricade were known to only a select few. I didn’t know all of the details, because she said she would tell me more as I grew older and wiser, but I already knew enough to alter mankind’s fate forever.

Actually, I knew much more than I was supposed to.

He wasn’t supposed to tell you that.

There were plenty of reasons why the truth could not be entrusted to the masses. First of all, people are unpredictable by nature, so there’s no telling what or how they may change when presented with new, life changing information. Secondly, people are selfish by nature; even if one gives to others habitually, their end goal is generally self-serving. While the truths of Chorus could benefit the entirety of humanity, it was much more likely that authority would use it as just another tool to control the masses. Thirdly, people are wary, as well as suspecting, by nature. Chances are if someone like me were to inform an authority figure about such realities, they would not be hesitant to either send me to a mental stability center, force me home and disregard the information as nonsense, or dissect and study my mind. None of which were preferable to an eighteen-year-old girl.

What would he do?

There it was again. Thoughts of him always squeezed their way into my mind, no matter what I was thinking about. He was shy, yet magnanimous. Open, yet reserved. Almost as if there was always something pushing him away from society, no matter how much he desired to engage.

Just like me.

I could tell from looking into his coal black eyes that there was a darker secret within him than what he said, something he couldn’t admit to me, or anyone else. Some truths were better left to their owners, since admitting it to another makes it feel so much more real. Truths told become reality.

And reality is brutal.

I turned a corner, and saw a woman walking an old dog. The dog, a beagle, stopped to pee in some bushes, so the owner took a content look around the neighborhood. Her expression brightened when she noticed me.

“Hello, Alison, how are you doing today? You look well,” she said cheerfully.

“Hey Mrs. Fallam, I’m fine, thank you. How’s Matt?” I gestured to the beagle, still with one leg airborne.

“Ah, old Matt’s doing fine, he’s just a little old, you know?” She smiled pitifully, and tugged at the leash gently. “C’mon, boy, let’s head back now.”

“Bye, Mrs. Fallam!” I waved softly, turning back around towards my house. My house, and my home. If only Zhihou were here now to share it.

Fifteen feet closer, and a plane flew overhead. It was an airliner, capable of carrying two dozen passengers due to its multiple engines. People these days called it a technological wonder, but it was nothing compared to what used to exist. Even so, two dozen passengers was plenty for one trip. I never flew myself, since it was the most dangerous mode of transportation. Even if airborne Shade didn’t invade airspace above the Kingdom Routes, a rogue Gyaos or some other avian Shade could always crash into one by accident. After all, the Routes deterred Shade from approaching, they didn’t prevent it. And if a Gyaos, even a small one, flew into a plane, nobody would escape the wreckage.

Their souls would all vanish from existence. Poof.

The Kingdom Routes were six pathways that had been... cleared of Shade, and acted as roads between the four kingdoms. Technically, there were only five routes at the moment, since the area between Ismira and Viscor was still being cleared. Once reaching completion, it would be the longest route humans have “blazed”. The current longest was the Devarden-Dominic Route, since it curved slightly when it neared the center of our little diamond of kingdoms.

And not a soul has bothered to question why.

When it came to the act of blazing routes, the method couldn’t be more disgusting or effective. Slayers remain in the designated area, killing dozens upon dozens of Shade until they learn to keep their distance. Essentially, we tell them that, “Hey, we killed all your friends for intruding, do you want to be next?” Despite the majority of Shade not revealing any developed intelligence, they all do have the capacity to learn from other Shade. Admirable for such bloodthirsty creatures.

Kind of like us, isn’t it?

I wasn’t in the mood to head home, despite the setting sun. There was too much to think about, and certainly no curfew to hold up.

Even if there was, no authority existed in my household to enforce it.

But where would I go? I didn’t really know anybody in the neighborhood. Nobody I could really talk to, anyway.

There was once place to go, though.

It was a strange thought. The idea that there was somebody I could talk to when my thoughts began to overflow was quite alien. I suppose once upon a time, Zhihao filled that role, and nobody had stepped up to replace him. Not until recently, that was.

It couldn’t hurt to visit him, could it?

I was standing at his doorstep. In front of his house, a cute little porch separated the front door from the blooming sunflowers below, made entirely out of birch wood. They felt handcrafted, too. I marveled at the brilliant work for a short time, only stopping upon the realization that the porch wood was just encouraging my procrastination. When I redirected my attention to the door, and the house beyond it, a strange churning sprouted from my chest. Something felt wrong; constricted. My breaths came in abrupt bursts.

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How embarrassing. Who would’ve guessed that the girl who has it all is nervous to talk to the edgy emo kid? You really aren’t fit to live among these measly humans.

Shut up. I’m better than this.

Despite my trembling nerves and wavering spirit, I took a step closer.

Another step closer.

One more.

A hand to the door.

A knock.

Too quiet.

Two louder knocks.

Movement from within.

I caught a whimper attempting to flee the scene, swallowing every surfacing doubt. The door creaked, and opened inwards. A man no younger than forty peeked out of the crack.

“Can I help you, young lady?”

“UM! Umm... I’m looking for... Kazuki. K-Kazuki Yuki. Is this his house, or...?”

“Oh, yes! Of course, of course. I’m sorry, I’m his father. Yes, he’s most certainly here. KAZUKI! A GIRL’S AT THE DOOR!”

I giggled at the instantaneous thump, followed by loud rustling. A few thumps later, Kazuki’s father retreated. A much more familiar face took his place.

“Oh! Hi, Alison. Was there something you needed?”

I froze at the question. There wasn’t really anything I needed. Even still, I couldn’t just leave. So why had I come here? What force had driven me to seek company in Kazuki?

“Hiya! I was just wondering if you wanted to talk for a bit, or something like that? I guess I’m not very sleepy, so I figured heck, why not?” It was hilariously terrific how my tone completely misrepresented my mood. Even on the darkest days, I somehow managed to speak with the same confident cheer as always. At times like these, it was especially convenient.

“Talk? Uh, yeah, sure! I’m not really doing anything right now-”

“He’s never doing anything ‘right now’!” A girl’s voice cut through his own from within the house.

“Rosa! A-Anyway, haha, yeah, let’s go outside, okay? I actually know a good spot, if you don’t have one.”

“Lead the way!”

Together, we left the neighborhood, headed in the nearest direction of the Barricade. Kazuki told me on the way of a gorgeous forest that separated his home from the Barricade, one he found to be a rather excellent hunting spot. The moment we were in visual range of the forest, my eyes widened in awe.

“It’s beautiful! The leaves truly appear to be suspended in an eternal autumn.”

He grinned. “Right? I always think the exact same thing.”

As we treaded through the forest, I couldn’t help but ponder why silence seemed to dominate the atmosphere of an “excellent hunting spot”. Kazuki eagerly filled me in, teaching me all about the ecosystem of the forest. Apparently the forest was used as a hunting spot so often, Shade concentration decreased drastically with every passing year. In modern times, it was still possible to find a pair or two of Silverwolves, but the forest had become more of a place of rest than of battle.

Hunting here tested both one’s fighting ability and their patience.

At last, a break in the autumn trees appeared, with a large stone in the center.

“And here we have my favorite little place in Devarden. It’s a perfect little rest stop, and when just a little gust of wind brings along petals of myriad colors... Oh, here, take a seat, if you want.”

I accepted his offer; as soon as my dress made contact with the stone, a wave of tranquility rippled through me.

“Oh, wow. Just sitting down here for a second makes me feel... at home, I guess. And you’re right; the breeze is perfect.”

I closed my eyes, allowing the world to envelop me in its gentle hold. Never before had such comfort and peace embraced my body. I almost felt self-indulgent for daring to trespass in such a sacred place. When I opened my eyes, I looked over at Kazuki. A severe blush had dominated his features, and he was rapidly attempting to cover it up upon my notice.

It was impossible not to laugh a little.

I turned away, looking at him from the corner of my eye. “Ha. Guess I’m not the only one being self-indulgent here, am I?”

Sure enough, those words ripped the poor guy apart. In a desperate attempt to explain himself, he seemed to completely forget how form even the simplest of sentences.

“Haha! I’m just kidding, Kazuki! Calm down, alright? You could learn a thing or two from this forest you visit so regularly,” I ended with a wink and a smirk.

“Ha. I suppose you’ve got a point there. Scooch over now, wouldja? My legs... they burn.”

I did as asked, and patted the spot to my right.

“All yours.”

“Thanks.”

It was as thus that we sat in silence, enjoying each other’s wordless company. For a minute or two, at least.

“Hey, you mentioned how this was your favorite hunting spot, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“But you also said that the forest was over-hunted, and so there aren’t a whole lot of Shade around here anymore.”

“Yeah...”

“So what is it about this place that you love so much? Why would a place barren of prey be a favorite to a predator?”

“I guess when you put it that way, it sounds pretty silly. I guess it’s because this place isn’t too exciting that I like it so much. It’s not the best hunting spot, far from it, but it’s my favorite because it’s a wonderful place. When I come here, I can hunt, but I can also nap and relax if I want. I’ve never been a huge fan of crowds or excitement, so a place like this is perfect. Plus, one or two encounters for the whole day is perfectly fine for me, since it only takes that many fights to test out a new fighting style, or to practice one I like. I don’t really see the point in hunting for hours, fighting dozens of Silverwolves, ’cause that’d just get tiring after a while. Quality over quantity, y’know?”

I suppose his answer shouldn’t have been that surprising, considering the kind of person he was at school. Even still, the length and depth of his reply caught me off guard. I’d never really regarded him as that type of person before, although that was a result of little more than thoughtless ignorance. Everyone had their own lives, their own thoughts. They go through their own crises, and are weighted down by their own troubles. It didn’t matter whether you knew them or not. It didn’t matter who they were around others. Everyone was their own person.

Kazuki was a person, too.

“Yeah, I think I know. I like having fun, but too much excitement can be a bit too overwhelming. Maybe that’s not a bad thing, though.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, maybe having a ton of fun and being surrounded by excitement is healthy, to balance out all the seriousness of studying and maturing. We’re still kids, so we’ve got a ton of growing to do, so maybe excitement is the way to let go of all of that, for a bit. Maybe.”

“Y-Yeah, maybe...” Kazuki buried his hands in his lap. “Hey, I’ve got a question.”

“Hit me.”

“When I first met you, you totally looked like the kind of girl who would be surrounded by friends all the time, the exact opposite of me. I couldn’t have been more wrong, though, huh? Turns out you’re just as shy as I am, and you don’t have nearly as many fri... A-Anyway, why is that? Someone like you could totally have anybody you wanted concerning friends. So why don’t you?”

I shut off my evil eye and considered the question. He definitely wasn’t wrong. I had no shortage of opportunities to be a socialite or even just surround myself with a group. It was a result of no lack of ability, either.

“I guess... I just feel more comfortable.”

“Really?”

“... No. Not really.” It was true that I was comfortable as I was, but that certainly was not the reason I secluded myself from my peers. I guess Kazuki saw right through that lie.

I really should stop underestimating him, huh? One more strike, and I’m out.

“To be totally honest, I don’t think they’ll really like me. Sure on the outside I’m the ideal friend, in fact some might call me absolutely perfect! ...but the person I really am, who is behind what everyone likes, is entirely different. Most people would shy away from that person at best. At worst, I could surrender the life I’d lived up to this point forever. Sorry, I can’t tell you exactly what I’m talking about either. I just don’t really trust you that much yet. I hope you understand.” I turned to face him, a sad smile enveloping me. At that moment, a gust of wind blew into the clearing, drifting around the two of us. When my eyes reopened, Kazuki’s face had returned to its crimson shade. This time, however, he shook it away, and looked directly into my eyes. His clear, coal-black eyes sharpened in resolve.

“Alright then. Everyone’s got their secrets, after all. However, it sounds like this one is important. So, I’ll make a promise right here and now. I promise that one day, no matter how long it takes, I will grow close enough to you that you won’t even want to keep it a secret anymore. You’ll be begging to tell me! I’ll show you that you can trust me, that you can put your faith in me. And when you finally do tell me, I’ll accept it. I don’t care what it is. I don’t even care if you’re the mother of all Shade. Whatever it is you fear rejection of, I’ll accept it. I promise you. Okay?”

For a reason that was entirely invisible to me, the words he uttered with such determination and optimism sent a ripple of warmth through my soul. In that instant, every thorn and chain around my heart loosened and wilted. In that moment, I felt like I had nothing to hide. I smiled, looking back into his eyes. Even though the image of him was distorted by emotion, I smiled past it. Past my chains, past my fears, and past my tears.

And in that moment when I was little more than a girl talking to a boy, I could only say one thing.

“Okay!”

Some time later, I parted ways with Kazuki, and headed back to my community. It was a small community, but it radiated warmth and love to any and all who visited. A little ways past the houses, and my home came into view.

I stepped onto my porch, looking back at my community, and several kilometers past that, the massive Barricade. It was brilliant; at night it illuminated brilliantly, creating a beacon of hope and safety, yet still it was not bright enough to discourage sleep. It was the lights, dim yet powerful, set up at regular intervals along the Barricade that fused together to become the shining Barricade I stared at now. Thoughts and feelings that lingered with the memory of him filled my mind and soul. I gazed at the wall, and those thoughts slowed, body and mind relaxing together. There was a rocking chair on the porch, so I slid into position, and rocked, rocked myself to sleep.

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