The Admiral
Sinking Feeling

James Morgan

I waited for Arden to come to my cabin that night, but she never came. Every part of my body is screaming out for me to go to her and hold her, and I ignored it for as long as I could before I stormed out of bed and marched my way to her cabin but when I knocked on the door there was no answer. I knocked again, but nothing.

I feel someone approaching me and look to see Eve approaching, “She’s not on board the ship.”

“Why? Where is she?”

Eve leans against the wall, “Night is the only time it’s safe for Arden to go on land, she’s too recognizable during daylight hours. She said wanted to see the ship Ox found.”

I hear myself grumbling in displeasure. Bullshit, she’s avoiding me and running away.

Eve steps closer to me and places her hand on my chest, “I would never dream of treating you like this if you were my man.”

The moment she starts to drift up to kiss me I grab her by her wrist and gently guide her to step back away from me, “Goodnight, Helmsman Eve.”

Eve smirks and backs up, “Good night, Master of Arms.”

Now I was even more pissed off. I tried to get some sleep, we’re supposed to be leaving first thing in the morning, that way we can double-check the new ship and start sailing as soon as the sun starts to set, that way we’ll arrive on Sal under the cover of night.

Arden never made it back during the night. Our little scouting party rows towards land dressed in ruddy civilian clothing, and I watch the Morning Star get smaller as I think of ways to chide Arden when I see her next. She may be my Admiral, but she’s also my woman, and we’re supposed to treat one another like the adults we are, not children that run away when things get difficult. I know this is all new to Arden, but it’s new to me too. Maybe I want this more than she does. The thought she’d give up on us so easily scares me.

I was in my head the entire trip to the ship, which was stupid because it meant we were down a pair of eyes as we made our way through town and Wyatt’s men could be here, watching and waiting to see if we’d be coming to Sal through Boa Vista, the only logical way.

Collins smacks me on my arm as we walk along the coast, “Wake up Morgan, where are you?”

I grumble to myself, “Getting lost in my own head.” Sᴇaʀ*ᴄh the FindNøvᴇl.nᴇt website on Gøøglᴇ to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

“Clearly,” he glances at me shielding the blinding sun from his eyes, “lady troubles?” he elbows me playfully, “you sure know how to pick ’em. I prefer my women a little less complicated, quiet like, and bashful.”

I smirk, “Bashful?”

“Sure, why not? I like the whole damsel in distress idea. She’s in distress and I come in to save the day.”

I laugh, “And what if you’re not around to save the day?”

“God forbid anything should happen, I’d want my woman to look after herself so that when I return, she’s alive and well.”

“Fair point, it’s just a daydream. I’ve sparred with a certain white-haired someone, I wouldn’t want to be up against a woman like that in my everyday home life, you got some balls on you, I wouldn’t survive longer than a week.”

We spotted the small ship in the distance and found a safe path down the cliffside where a small boat was tied up for our use.

The moment I stepped onto the ship was the moment I realized who was waiting on board donning a brown wig and hat. I never felt like more of an ass when Arden turned to see me and smiled. She came straight over and threw her arms around me as I held her tight. All the fury that had been simmering away at me was suddenly gone and I was exhausted by the whole experience. I should have trusted her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked her quietly, “I thought you were meant to stay back?”

“I wanted to see you off to the island, I’ll stay aboard this ship and wait for you to return.”

I sigh and rest my forehead on hers, “I thought you had run away from me; I was so angry. I’m sorry.”

“I understand why you would think that I really do. I’m going to do my best to prove to you that I want this, I want you James, I want us.”

I kissed her a lot harder than intended, all the emotions of the day pouring out into lust for her. I didn’t care who was watching, and by the way, she pulled me down by my shirt and kissed me back it was clear she didn’t care either, she was not the Admiral right now, just a brown-haired sailor.

We didn’t have a lot of time before we had to get sailing. The ship was small but solid, and faster than expected. We gathered around the table to have a close look at the detailed map Charlotte prepared.

Giddeon points to a circle on the east coast, not far from a small beach, “This is the location of the salt farm. We’ll be anchoring ship in Porto Palmiera on the West, we’ll find some horses and cross the island to the farm, or we can walk, it would only take two to three hours, it's that. Since it’s an imploded volcano it will most likely be a crater with a ridge surrounding the site. With the land here being so arid with little to no vegetation to hide in, getting in unseen will be nearly impossible,” he sighs, “our best option is to get close, blend in, and go from there, see what we see, and get out.”

I glance up from the map at Arden whose eyes are locked on mine behind her unreadable mask. She’s handed over full command to Giddeon for this mission, and although I can see the mechanism of her mind working away, she says nothing.

The second we had a moment of peaceful sailing Arden discreetly took my hand and led me below deck to what looks to be a small storage room. She closes the door and pulls me down by my shirt collar to kiss her. It’s not the most ideal place to make love but we make do. I can feel the sadness seeping from Arden, no doubt from my leaving tomorrow. This will be our first time apart since we’ve found one another, and as much as I want to stay by her side, we’re both bound by duty to serve the Fleet. I want to promise her I’ll be back in one piece, but the sinking feeling in my gut stops me from doing so.

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